My Dark Prince
by Trouble and she knows it
Summary: After Damon returned her necklace Elena begins to think about her life and the choices she's made. Then she decides to make some new choices. Choices that are led by her heart and not her mind. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: not mine

Rewritten: Jan 2013

A huge thanks to my beta: T.J. Wise and one who convinced me plot is actually possible: Danni 1987

Reviews make me write more…seriously, they do!

**Elena's Pov**

_Dear Diary,_

_Should I?_

_I should._

_Maybe I shouldn't._

_He__ didn't want me to remember, but I do. After weeks of having the same dream, how could I not wonder what it meant?_

_They all start the same way; a breeze comes through my open window, the night is warm against my skin. He appears, but his movements are too fast for my eyes to see him. When he stops, he has this look in his eyes, this haunted desperate look that I'd only seen the night of the opening of the tomb. It's like he's balancing on the edge of hope and desperation, longing for one but expecting the other. _

_He has it, my necklace__.__ I thought I'd lost it forever. He's always doing things like that. Just when I think I have him figured out, he does something so unlike the person he pretends to be, that it makes me stop. For just a moment it feels like a little piece of the hurt inside of me crumbles and I feel myself once again drawn to him. I can feel a small part of the old me break past the barrier I erected on the night my life stopped really feeling like my own._

_Caroline tells me that it's only because he's hot that I feel drawn to him, but __it's__ this is about more than his body. It is about more than those tights shirts that fit him like a glove, more than his swagger, more than the designer jeans that I'm sure he picked out because they practically melt onto his skin. _

_It's the look he had in his eyes the time I sympathized with him after learning that he loved Katherine too and how he lost her just as much as Stefan had. He looked like I was the only one who had ever done that, that had ever acknowledged his loss. It's the way that he always answers the phone no matter what time it is or where he is. The way he teases me when I'm sad, and jokes when I'm mad. He never lets me fake it, even when that's all I want to do. It's like he expects more from me, like he demands it even. _

_I knew for sure that night, as he held my necklace just out of reach, I knew that whatever he was planning to do would change me forever. When he didn't just hand it back, and as I tried to look away, I knew what he was going to say, what he was going to do. However, it was the look in his eyes that night that shattered me. How could I not be affected by his words? How could I pretend that I wasn't his universe, that everything he did (minus the first few weeks after he showed up) were for me. All for me, only for me._

_How deeply must you love someone to HAVE to tell then that you love them, even if it's only once, knowing that they will never know how deep you feel toward them? Then to take the memory away because you're so unselfish that you want them to be happy more than you want them to know how much they truly mean to you. Because he has feelings for me that are so strong that he couldn't hold them inside any longer, because they were eating him from the inside. _

_If that's love, true love, deep and soul searing, then have I ever felt it before now?_

_He claims to be the bad brother, all booze and brashness__,__ with a new co-ed for dinner every night. But if that's the truth, I have to wonder, why then is he the only one who__has__** never**__ once lied to me._

_Does he value truth that much? _

_Does he respect me that much?_

_His brother, my white prince, with his own form of blood prohibition and morals has lied to me from the start. I knew it when I saw that picture of her, the first night we… well you know. He only saved me from my watery grave because I looked like her, like Katherine. Did he introduce himself to me officially only because I share Katherine's face? Is the reason he walks on eggshells so often around me because he expects me to turn into her? Because I have to say, I don't see that one happening, we couldn't be more different if you take personality into account._

_One brother is two handfuls by himself; taking in the two brothers would be begging for insanity. _

_Diary, let's face it, the one that swears to have __**no**__ feelings, __**no**__ morals, __**no**__ attachments to anyone or anything but himself is in love with me. And it's real love, true love, the kind of love that never fades or wavers. _

_**With me.**_

_Want to know the scary part Diary?_

_I think I love him too, __**My Dark Prince**__._


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to the beta's: AriesPrincess-Slyffindor, Danni1989, & T.J.

**Elena Pov**

_Dear Diary,_

_The more I think about it the stranger it sounds; this thing called my life. _

_Stefan once told me that he stayed in Mystic falls because he HAD to know me, but what does that mean? Damon let something slip the other day implying that Stefan stalked me before he officially introduced himself. So I wonder; if he had to __know__ me why did he introduce himself? Why wouldn't he get to know me from afar? Watching me lets him see how I am without interference, gives him a better picture of who I am without taking it to another level_. _That's what Damon would do, he learns everything about the person from the shadows, watching, following, hearing, and then he formulates a picture of the person from all of those things… or that's what I imagine he would do._

_Which brings me to another point; as well as Damon knows me, I __**know**__ him. _

_He's the man with the bad boy exterior, who has a heart bigger than anyone can imagine underneath the pain that Katherine caused. He makes all the wrong decisions for all the right reasons and even when he fails he NEVER quits. _

_I admire that about Damon. I admire his humor, his balance in life between the ruthless killer and loving friend, his sense of fun and zest for life. It's got to be tough staying in the moment for a century, hell it's tough for me to do that for an hour, I can't even imagine! _

_Ever since I was a little girl vampires have always been portrayed the same, impossibly fast, strong, vicious, unstoppable and cold. _

_But not many of the vampires I know have those traits, take Lexi for instance; although I didn't get to know her as well as I would have liked, spending five minutes with her made it clear how passionately she felt toward Stefan's lifestyle. _

"_Which brings me back to Stefan…" or "Stefan" I use the quotation marks because I'm beginning to suspect it's as much of an act as Damon's uncaring façade._

_It's funny Diary, the things I love most about Stefan are the things that hinder him from being that impossibly powerful creature. I love his humanity just as much as he does, I love his compassion and how easy our friendship is, how effortlessly our relationship came to be._

_In essence, I love the very things that are a product of the reason why I was the only survivor of the crash. If he had been on human blood he wouldn't have been the same, I get that. He told me once very vaguely that he was different when he drank from humans, that he wasn't right. I imagine it to be like being a vegetarian eating meat after not having it for some time; unpleasant and generally not to your liking, but what does it really mean? I can tell that I can't really ask him because it makes him uncomfortable.__Every time I bring it up Stefan gets a pained expression on his face and looks away making the mood in the room change by a palpable degree. It's really not pleasant._

_Yet Damon walks around fine, and now Caroline does to! They both drink human blood; hell Caroline is LESS neurotic than she was before she turned. So why is it different for Stefan?_

_I asked Damon and he told me it had to do with control, he explained it like this: A person who has an addictive personality can choose to limit their indulgences, choose to indulge without restraint, or choose to abstain. Stefan, instead of limiting himself and building up a willful tolerance toward it, thinks it's safer to avoid the problem altogether. Which is fine and all so long as no one bleeds anywhere near him, and since he's in high school again; the odds of no one bleeding are about as good as you can imagine._

_Then Damon went on to talk about when the US and USSR were going at it and the American's had a similar plan for school age children of ducking and covering under the table as the atomic weapon kills everyone… Some nonsense about the aluminum dog tags that are supposed to identify their bodies when human bone and flesh melts so much so that the face is unrecognizable._

_I can't imagine that making me feel safe as a little kid…_

_Once again I'm glad I wasn't born then…_

"It is all too much." – Elena huffed and shut her diary frustrated.

"_I wonder at night sometimes, what Damon would have done? Probably saved me and freed my parent's from the seatbelts propelling them out of the water, all while never letting __**me**__ go. Then again; he was different back then, so perhaps not. Maybe he would have just saved me because I looked like her and nothing else. I'm sure he would have realized rather quickly that I was human, I mean how easy is it to hide a pulse from a super predator? At the very least he would have smelled my blood from one of the numerous gashes that I had from impact and gone from there. I wonder what he would have done though. I will always wonder…_"

Elena walked to her dresser and stared at herself in the mirror almost willing her reflection to give the answers to the doubts swirling in her mind.

"_I know he wasn't the same back then, but I can't help but think something in him would still react to me like it always does. From the beginning there has been something between us, I know it, Caroline knows it, Bonnie knows it. Hell, even Jeremy and Jenna know it, so why doesn't Stefan see it?_"

Elena plopped down on her bed and stared at the ceiling.

"_Stefan doesn't see so much, so many things that I hide from him behind all my usual guises, turning my head away, flipping my hair over my shoulder, my oddly cheerful laugh (I blame cheerleading for that one). All things meant to keep people who think they know me but actually don't from seeing the real feelings inside._

_Stefan never sees through me._

_Damon never lets those little tells go unnoticed. _

_Which can be both a blessing and a curse, Stefan has known me for longer, but Damon knows me truly, deeply. Without ever meaning to, he used his century plus honed observation skills mixed with his fixation with Katherine and dedicated his time to knowing everything about me. It makes me wonder at times why he still likes me."_

Not reaching any conclusion and only managing to give herself a headache, Elena turned to her side and curled into a ball seeking sleep and some silence in her head.

"Crap…"- Elena muttered under her breath.

The alarm clock read 2 am and her mind was still buzzing with questions.

"_I know why he saved me. He saved me because that's just Stefan for you. If a person is in trouble and he can help them, it doesn't matter to him whom the person is, Stefan will help, or will at least try to help. Look at Damon, he's hurt Stefan arguable more than anyone else, and yet the second he's threatened Stefan turns into mama badger mixed with a mob boss. _

_Yet somehow I can't help but feel that I'm some sort of an idol to him now._

_I was placed on this pedestal because of her, I wear her face, her body, her hair._

_But I can't be her._

_I'm not heartless, I would never intentionally play the two of them, I care for people, I'm warm and while we both love life, I love life because of the people in my life; they make it worth getting up every day."_

Elena absentmindedly ran her hand over the photo frame in her nightstand. Jenna and Jeremy beamed at her from a happy moment not so long ago.

" _I'm so afraid to fall, so afraid to feel what I feel for Damon, because what sort of person would I be if I did feel that way for both of them? I'm not Katherine. I can't be. But I look just like her, sound just like her and if I loved them both I would be no better than she is, and I can't allow that. Even though my logic says that so long as I don't hide it from them and get them turned into vampires, thankfully for me some things can only happen once._

_Damon once told me that when I asked Bonnie to save him from the fire on Founder's day it meant something to him, that he meant something to me. From the second time I saw him in that parking lot when he tried to compel me with my necklace on, he meant something, granted it was more of a 'wow you think I'm that sleazy, thanks' sort of thing, but it was something. _

_I'm not sure when it changed. When Damon changed in my mind from Stefan's brother with the terrible temper and the love of violence to Damon, the man I trust__,__ perhaps too much. It doesn't matter when Diary, the truth is that I trust him. With my life, with my family's lives, even after what he did to Caroline, I trust him, and that's what scares me the most."_

Elena hugged her knees tighter and rested her chin on top of them, looking into the darkness of the room, looking for the light inside herself.

"_Damon lets me be myself, something I find hard around Stefan, it's like he wants me to be this perfect person, always happy. It's something I have a hard time doing, sometimes a girl needs to mope around in her PJs' when life gets her down. I just don't get it, Damon gets that when someone I love is in danger NOTHING will stop me from helping them, from dying for them if need be. So many things make me wonder if Stefan sees the real me, the me before my parent's accident, the 'fun' Elena who loved parties and had to be the center of attention. Sometimes I need to get away, need my 'five minutes' from life's challenges, supernatural or otherwise. Granted, when Damon practically kidnapped me and took me to Georgia, well that was just strange. After I got over the gut reaction of needing to be the responsible one, well, it was kind of the best time I had in a long time, in fact, it was the first time I had the chance to just be free, to be myself, without the people I have known since I was in diapers and the teens who saw me go through my awkward preteen phases. Without the people who know I'm an orphan who is responsible for the death of her parents._

_One stupid mistake, a moment of uncaring teenage idiocy and it's my fault they left."_

Elena laid back on her headboard feeling hollow and defeated.

"_I worry that if Stefan saw that side of me, that other imperfect girl, that he might hate me as much as I hate myself sometimes._

_It's hard being so perfect sometimes, being so breakable around people who are impossibly strong and unbreakable._

_I remember the night that Damon was laying on my bed, amongst the remnants from my childhood, laying there like he belonged, like there was no place he'd rather be than sitting there clutching my old teddy bear. Stefan never did that. I can't imagine him lying so casually in my room; he always seems so uptight, like he can never relax. When I first met him I thought he was an open book, but he's really not. There is a wall around him that I'm not sure if I want to tear down. As mad as Damon makes me, he treats me like I'm an adult and capable of being one. Damon never keeps information from me when I need to know it; he never keeps anything from me._

_Then again those co-eds dancing half naked…that he could have definitely kept from me,"_

Elena rolled her eyes for effect. Never mind that she was alone in the room having a conversation with herself inside her head. Half naked co-eds definitely warranted an eye roll.

"_Also that time when he said he could hear Stefan and I in__the bedroom. It's like he enjoys the shock factor of it! Except …"_

Elena sighed with longing.

"_Except, there's a part of me that is hidden behind my rolled eyes and stiff posture that wonders what it would be like to do that. To dance like that with a man in the middle of the day in practically nothing, to feel the sexiness that comes with the freedom of letting lose and knowing that you don't have to think, don't have to be the good sister, or loyal Damon hating friend when his latest plan explodes in all of our faces._

_Freedom. I want it. He has it._

_Dare I take it?"_

_Her own reflection in the mirror didn't know the answer either. But there was a mischievous glint in her eye, a veil of excitement about to bubble to the surface, begging to know what awaited next. _


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to the beta's: AriesPrincess-Slyffindor, Danni1989, & T.J.**

**Reviews make me write faster…**

_Dear Diary,_

_Damon,__being an impossible ass of a man__,__ was bragging to Alaric that he had slept with his wife Isobel before turning her, and all of this in front of me._

_What he didn't know was that I have just found out that Isobel just happens to be my biological mother._

_So far that man has slept with everyone but me! He slept with Katherine my many times great grandmother, my biological mom, my best friend, 3.2 billion strangers (I'm just guessing) and what I'd imagine to be about a quarter of my school__._

_Am I completely insane for wanting this?_

_How can I feel so deeply for the man that slept with both my biological mother and my many times great grandmother? _

_What does that say about me as a person?_

_If Katherine hadn't looked exactly like me, would I be this insecure about this? Damon has seen the real me from almost the start and he says that I'm nothing like her, and when he tells me that, the look in his eye__s__ leaves no doubt that he's __telling __being honest with me and not just __saying__ what I want to hear. I'm not sure I can say the same about Stefan._

_So I have to wonder, did I place my faith in the wrong brother? _

_Even after I found out Stefan was the reason Damon completed the transition, the one who took his only brother's choice from him, I stayed with him; what does that say about me as a person that I stayed with a man __to __who forced his only family to live with him forever? _

_I think about that a lot now, the choice that is. If Jeremy's life were in danger would I take that choice away from him again? _

_I already did in a way, I asked Damon to compel Jeremy after Vicky's death, and hey, another person Damon slept with! After Damon murdered the only girl my brother has ever loved,__how I could look Jeremy in the face knowing I was in love with her murderer? _

_Damon took Vicky from Jeremy and it almost killed him__. A__fter mom and dad died, she was the only one he would let in other th__a__n his other stoner friends._

_I know she wasn't in love with him or anything, but he stayed because that's the kind of person Jeremy is. He would have stayed with her no matter what, because __**he**__ loved her. Just like Damon; who else would love a woman so deeply that he searched for a way to free her for over a century?_

_If I let him love me as deeply as he did Katherine, imagine what we could become as a couple__._

_Finding this out has made me rethink our odds as a couple; who gets into a relationship with a guy who has had sex with several members of their family? Why do our odds as a couple seem so impossible? _

_That's not to say that we wouldn't have our share of issues, Bonnie hates him, Caroline hates him, Jenna hates him, and Jeremy would __definitely__ hate him if he remembered what happened to Vicky. _

_In short Damon is the absence of safety. After my parent's accident safety was everything, routine saved my sanity more than once, routine and you Diary. Because in you I can be me, I can be weak and jealous and selfish and you never judge me for it. You and Damon are the only ones who don't judge me._

_Which in this world is a rarity, so why do I still want it to be him by my side and not Stefan?_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Huge thanks to my beta: T.J. Wise**_

_**Please note parts of this were added after beta reading so if there are mistakes please let me know, thanks. **_

_**Dedicated to: mabscifiromantic – who reviewed… I like reviews, and it made me post this early!**_

_Dear Diary, _

_I know I shouldn't be out, it's foolish; of this I'm well aware. I can't just stay inside right now, even if I need to, I know it's dangerous after dark, and I probably shouldn't be writing by book light, especially not at the falls, but there's something about them that relaxes me. Right now I need all the relaxation I can get._

_It haunts me, that look in his eyes as he told me he loved me, he said it was the most selfish thing he's ever done, but while it was selfish, it was the right kind of selfish, the good kind._

_Just as haunting was the tea that I finished not ten minutes before he came through my window. It would be insane to not drink vervain when my necklace had been lost only hours before._

_So why didn't I tell him Diary?_

_I just haven't found the courage to tell him yet, I try to be brave and do the right thing but sometimes I fail myself in little ways. Granted this is not exactly a __little __anything._

_Maybe I'm still in shock, in some ways this was my first real declaration of love._

_Damon is a man and not a boy, sure Matt and I said 'I love you' in the halls every day, when we were dating, but it was the sort of high school love, the love that ramps you up for true love; adult love. As for Stefan; in many ways he still isn't a man, or an adult I should say. I feel that while he is definitely older than me, he's not necessarily superior in age maturity wise. He can be such a child sometimes, but then again don't all guys._

_The kind love that I'm talking about is love that leaves your heart racing and your eyes focused only on them. Have I ever been that way toward Stefan? Even tonight when Elijah was staked I was racing to thank Damon for saving me. When Stefan ran into my arms it shocked me, the look on my face alone let Damon know who I was really reaching for. As his eyes held mine it was clear he understood who I was really thanking._

_Everyone thinks Stefan is the selfless one, the one who always has the right answers, but I wonder what matters more, intent or action?_

_A little morbid part of me wonders where I would be had I not been a giant coward when he moved to compel me. I should have waited until he kissed my forehead and taken his lips with mine and showed him how selfless he was in that moment. In that moment he was both the safe choice and the right one._

_Stefan intends to do the right thing, even the virtuous thing, but a lot of the time, the things that he does without telling me, without consulting me, never goes quite as planned._

_Yet Damon, the crazy psycho who shows up in my room after finding out that his love not only __**was **__**not**__ in the tomb as she was supposed to be, but that also she knew where he was for more than a century. When his world felt broken, when nothing was stable, he came to me. He was sitting there, just sitting there, on my bed looking so utterly broken and fragile. He had that look in his eyes, the kind of look that made me want more for him, because what life had given him so far was cruel and macabre and he deserves more. I wanted to hold him, to take him in my arms until he could once again be the Damon I could depend on, the one who I needed._

_Instead I pushed him away, I lied to him that night when I said "I love Stefan. It's always going to be Stefan." I half lied Diary, I love Stefan. I don't know when the love I had for him changed from being in love to loving him. Don't get me wrong, I don't know how I survived after my parent's died before Stefan came into my life. But for some reason, somehow that love changed. I wonder if I ever truly forgave him for not telling me that I could have been Katherine's twin before sleeping with me. It's mostly that broken trust that led me to agree to the Georgia trip with Damon. Oddly enough, that trip changed my mind about him being a monster. After all, what monster takes a girl on vacation, and lets her be herself while keeping his man parts to himself?_

_I just know that if I had seen Damon first - well if he wasn't being the self-centered jerk he plays so well- that I would have known about Katherine. Damon just has this thing about him, this undefined, unnamed quality that makes him have to tell the one he loves everything, well everything until he needs to lie to keep them safe._

_I'm making no sense now, sorry Diary; my thoughts won't slow down enough to make sense on paper._

I close the book as I walk back to my car, knowing sleep would be far in coming.

_Dear Diary,_

_Why does Damon have to ruin it every time we have a moment. Every time!_

_This time he ruined our moment by killing my baby brother, after I told him that it would always be Stefan. _

_The worst part is he admits he didn't see the ring before he snapped his neck, one moment of carelessness and he could have killed him._

_I have so little family left and my relationship with Jeremy has been so is rocky lately… and I almost lost him tonight._

_What if I had lost him the last think Jeremy and I had spoken about was in screaming tones and him saying he hates me!_

_What if those were the last words he had ever spoken to me?_

_How could Damon break my trust like this? Is this why I won't take the chance and do the right thing by breaking up with Stefan?_

_How could I even think about being with someone that turns to murder when he gets mad? I'm as mad at myself as I am with him!_

_I trusted him and he __**SHATTERED**__ me Diary, Shattered me. I guess that's something the brothers have in common at this point. Stefan shattered me by not telling me about Katherine and Damon by killing my brother._

_I called Stefan and he was here seconds later, holding me as I sobbed like my world was broken, because Diary; it was._

_I have relied on Damon more than anyone else, held him to a higher standard, and this is what happens when I do trust like that, they break me, break my trust, break my heart._

_I should have never brought that up to him, should have never pushed my love for Stefan in his face when he was like he was that last night. I knew better than to hurt him more but I did it anyway, trying to prove that he wasn't my world._

_This is why I'm scared to leave my white knight, because at any moment of emotional turmoil, my dark prince stops being a man and commits monstrous acts, even though he's more than that, so much more._

I stare up at my ceiling taking a deep breath as I let my emotions out on paper

_It took me a while to realize why I was so against Damon's revolving bedroom door, and even longer to admit it. When I found out Rose had slept with him, I hated her, hated her bravery, her perfect vampire hair, her stunning confidence. Nothing reminds a girl she's out of her league like seeing a woman who's been dead for more than five hundred years come out of a guy's bedroom._

_Granted he is a guy that I shouldn't be even considering as attainable, let alone have practically naked thoughts, dreams and fantasies about!_

_I knew he wasn't an angel, I knew he wasn't celibate, why should seeing one of the hundreds of women he beds bother me so much if I didn't feel for him?_

_It's all just another piece of the puzzle for me._

I glare at my Diary as I see my own traitorous words.

_I still feel guilty for my relief, when Stefan was trapped in the tomb. There was a moment when I was glad, glad that he's one less person I had to worry about getting into danger because of me. The relief of that alone shames me still._

_Looking back, the first time I really got through to Damon was when I said I was sorry about Katherine, sorry that he lost her as well. It was almost funny because the look in his eyes was of pure shock; like I'd done something so out there, so crazy that he, a vampire had no idea how to react to it._

_Somehow to him I became a person in that moment. I became more than the girl who looks exactly like the woman he loved for ages .In that moment I became Elena; just as he became Damon, a man still hurting over his lost love, desperate to have her._

_He was wasted on Katherine, who we all know cares for no one but herself. _

_I almost pity her for it. It must be so lonely watching everyone you love die, knowing you are the cause of it. I only hope that I won't have to face that, but I know it's just that; a hope, because Elijah wants the moonstone and Klaus wants me. Somehow Diary, I don't think everything is going to be okay._

_But in the dead of night while I'm lying in bed, I imagine him just outside my window, watching over me, giving me the courage to drift to sleep and not panic from this all-consuming fears that I have about the future, the world's future._

_For a few moments at night I'm not the Petrova doppelganger, for a few moments no, I'm Elena, the girl in love with a vampire that she should have never fallen for in the first place._

_In those small moments, everything is okay and I feel safe. Strange how someone so dangerous __could __can make me feel so safe, and it's all because of love._

_I still can't get over his stupid revolving bedroom door though…_


	5. Chapter 5

An: I should be posting weekly, on Thursdays as my beta and I worked out a schedule.

Next chapter is with the beta already

Beta: T.J. Wise

Originally 1118 words

**AN: I made a new graphic for My Dark Prince, it's this stories mini pic at the top of the page. **

_Dear Diary, The day that Rose was bitten was the first time I was in his bedroom; his sanctuary, it wasn't what I thought it would be. It was light and airy and open without the clutter that Stefan's room has everywhere, even in the shelves. _

_I've read that one's bedroom is a reflection of the person it belongs to, and, if that's true, Damon's head must be clear and well organized._

_Which is why I think the article was full of shit. _

_It's funny how petty someone can be. How petty I am. I was taking care of Rose as she was dying and I remember that my first thought was 'why not me?' I wanted to be in __**his**__ bed, lying amongst __**his**__ sheets with the pillow that has__** his**__ scent on it, under my head as the world passes by. Minus that whole painfully dying from a werewolf bite thing, I could leave that part out and be happy._

_But I'm not in his bed. She is. It shouldn't be so hard to see someone else filling that part of his life, but it is. Harder still is denying my desire to be that person in his life, to be in his bed, surrounded by his scent and dreaming of the moment until he returns to be with me._

_But then I remember that he's not mine. The most ridiculous part of that sentence is that he could be, that he should be, that I want him to be. If I ever got the courage to take that leap, he would be utterly mine. No part of Katherine would remain in his mind because, deep down, I know his heart is mine, and only mine._

_That night, as Rose lay dying, I saw him care, truly care for another human being, well person…vampire, whatever._

_Damon pretends to be so uncaring, dead to all feeling; tries to hide his emotions behind the act of the psychopath that he was when he first came to my town. But Diary, I think he was playing a role - one that was familiar to him and comfortable - out of pain. I'm not saying that he wasn't ruthless and coldhearted, and even now, I know he has that vindictive streak in him, but it's not the entirety of who he is as an individual. _

_It must have been the hardest thing for him, to plunge that stake into Rose as he held her. How could I not have feelings for someone who does that? Who shows that level of selflessness and caring for someone? He cared enough to ease her pain, in her last moments. He could have easily left and had someone else deal with it. He's done that before, and I know it would have been easier; but he didn't. He stayed, like a real man, a strong man, a worthy man, and held her as he took her pain away in the only way he knew how._

_I stood across from him that night, trying to push my emotions away just as hard as he was, trying to feel nothing because his pain makes me bleed too. It was there __in his eyes__, in his face, on his eyebrows, in his posture. So tense and drawn in that I could have been blind and I still would have sensed it. That's how strongly I feel him inside of me; I would have done anything, anything Diary, to take that pain from him, even it was for just one night._

_As I moved in for a hug I felt him flinch, his entire body went to move away, but my path remained the same, maybe he was counting on my southern manners to pull away from him out of courtesy and polite societal boundaries; but I'm Elena Gilbert; if someone needs a hug nothing will stop me from comforting them, and in that moment he needed it more than anyone. _

_I still can't stand his pain. My own pain is a private burden I bear, but I can't stand idly while his heart is open and feeling; perhaps not bleeding like it does for me, but just as sure as I know that Stefan conceals his thoughts from me when he clenches his jaw; I know that Damon __**FELT**__ for someone who wasn't Katherine or me. He was in pain and I want to be the one to ease it. I still don't know just when his pain became a higher priority than my own, but it is._

_That night, when I hugged him, I hated leaving his arms and I don't know how I left them. For a moment my own pain eased, as I felt him melt into me and as he inhaled my hair. As I surrendered to his embrace that night, something inside of me changed. _

_When I arrived home, I was shocked to see Stefan and even more shocked to see John. Where was Stefan when all this Rose dying/werewolf insanity was happening you ask, Diary? Well he was trying to get into touch with my estranged vampire mother, who seemingly can't be bothered to show up in person, but sent John instead. Grrr! As far as I'm concerned they both can take a hike! When has either of them contributed anything positive to the situation? I no longer wonder why Jenna drinks more when John's in town, I would too if I were her._

_Come to think of it I might take it up anyway…Damon makes it look so desirable and welcoming. Not to mention the way my life is going I'll likely be dead long before I need to worry about fucking up my liver, and Jeremy is clearly learning NOTHING beneficial from me as a respectable role model, so why bother? _

_When Stefan and I were walking upstairs to my room, I kept replaying the hug - how firm Damon felt against my body and how much I enjoyed that sensation. It was like hugging superman, all hard steel and gentility. Plus he always smells so good! Like whisky and leather, always sharp but spicy, that is all Damon. It's pure maleness and it's delicious and it was the same smell as his room. _

_I envied Rose for those minutes, hated her if I was being entirely honest with myself; for having slept with him, for being inside his room. Not that I've ever asked to go inside his room. No, that would be__ WAY __past the limit of acceptable friend behavior. I have to be the suckiest liar of all time; couldn't fool Bonnie or Jeremy, definitely can't fool Damon._

_Of course I'm jealous of Rose for so many things. For one, she has slept with him. You have no idea diary what I would give to be the one under him, over him, him behind me, anything really…_

_You have no idea Diary. Which makes it all the stupider on my part, because I __CAN__ be that person in his bed, all I have to do is raise my hand and I know he would drop everyone and everything. I own his heart, I own him. I wonder for how much longer though? How long before he says enough and won't be only me anymore? How much more pain can he survive before he chooses to turn it off again?_

_Which brings me back to my current problem…_

_I have to wonder, does Stefan even notice when we lay in bed together? Does he know that my mind was on Damon the entire night? That as Stefan was touching me, all I could think about was where Damon would touch me, and how he would stroke me and caress me? The truth is that when Damon touches my arm it's more erotic than Stefan's best efforts. I can't stop comparing them, I wonder if Katherine had this problem? Maybe this was the reason she couldn't choose between the two of them? It's certainly keeping me up at night._

_I feel guilty still, not just because my mind wasn't on Stefan, because honestly it wasn't, but I was in pain, and I took that comfort where I could get it. And even as I did I couldn't help but wonder, who is Damon turning to? He doesn't have anyone else, no one to be on his side, to choose him like he chooses me - every time he chooses me. Is he even now compelling someone to be his latest toy? Two someone's? _

_I know he's not doing that whole music throbbing downstairs because this aging yet well-polished conglomeration of wood and stained glass with its massive fireplace and multiple parlors is eerily silent, but that doesn't mean he isn't at his latest conquest's place doing unspeakable things that eat at my heart whenever I think about it._

_Sometimes I hate myself for these thoughts, for wanting the things that I want and more so for being so afraid to go after them and HAVE those things._

_The truth is that I'm so afraid of loss that it paralyzes me. That's my problem; I'm afraid that if I let him in my heart, like he obviously is desperate for me to do, that he'll leave one day, because after all, I'm human. Stefan and I have been together for more than a year and he's never offered to turn me, never talked about the possibility even, but I can tell he'd never ask me. He hates that he's not human. He misses it as much as I think Damon does, the only difference is that Stefan admits it. What happens when I have to make that choice? I'm not naive enough to believe that I won't have to make the choice between vampire and human, but for the first time I'm actually thinking of it. What does that say about my love for Stefan? That I never thought about wanting that life for myself before, but I'm not even with Damon and I'm giving it serious thought?_

_And exactly how insane would that be, Katherine and I would be exact doubles then… maybe I should wait 5 or 10 years so I look different._

_I would choose Damon, because he chooses me, every time. I'd turn for him, I'd drink from him, and die with a smile on my lips if it meant making him happy, and I know I could make him happy, so happy, if he'd only let himself believe that he can be a good man. The man I know he is inside._

_Am I fooling myself?_

_Can we really ever work out?_

_He didn't want me to remember, he said that I deserved Stefan, but I'm not sure about that. Let's face it, Stefan has this pattern of disappearing when I need him the most and need the truth the most and goes off and does something so harebrained like calling Isobel. Don't I deserve better? Don't I deserve the brother that locks me in my own house just to keep me safe, because he loves me that much, because he chooses me over himself, over everything?_

_Not that I wasn't pissed as hell for that shit! This is not 1864 and I am not a fucking servile female!_

_So when Damon told me that I deserved better than him, I knew that he IS the better choice . Because if someone thinks they are less than the best they will always strive to prove themselves._

_I know who I want now, what I want now. But, if anything, I'm more terrified than when I started thinking this because the choice I want is neither easy nor is it popular. However I believe it in my heart that it is the right choice._

_Sometimes the white knight has the darkest heart._

_Sometimes the shinning golden prince is the most monstrous, the most evil._

_Sometimes the person who seems the least worthy turns out to be the most._

_Sometimes the choice that seems improbable, impossible even, brings you more joy than anything you have previously known._

_Yet sometimes, just sometimes; the dark prince will be the one who saves you; not just when it counts and someone is there to keep score and applaud, but at night, when the only witness is yourself and him. Damon saves me every night._

_I think love's kind of funny like that. _


	6. Chapter 6

Beta: T.J. Wise

_Damon Pov_

_No one has __**any**__ idea just how deep my feelings for her are. I've bled for her, bled because of her__… I would die for her, die just to make her happy. Seeing her with my little brother kills me, because I'm the one that will keep her safe, who will do literally anything just to keep her alive and safe._

_ANYTHING. _

_Not that she would notice, but if I wanted her to acknowledge the things I do for her I'd post a fucking memo. Which is another difference between my brother and I, to me it's enough that she's safe and __happy, even if it isn't with me._

_Elena found out about Stefan stalking her for several months before they officially met; let's just say she was a little peeved. not peeved enough or for long enough in my opinion, I mean really, the man has gone on ripper binges, leaving only names behind and, other than this gathering of names, consideration for his victims has been extremely low on his to do list…Not that my track record is any better, but with Elena, it's crossing a line, she is not a typical anything, and especially not to be stalked like a toy obsession! _

_Thankfully she's not pissed at me. I do enough things intentionally that piss her off; I do not need help in that department. _

_I've been nothing but "good", keeping my usual façade around Steffy boy lately, ever since his retarded "History won't be repeating itself brother" pseudo threat __-__ I've heard second graders who can project menace better than him. I should have told him to save it for the fluffy bunnies he hunts, perhaps one of them would actually feel intimidated._

_I don't need him to tell me that Elena won't be another Katherine. Everything about Elena - the way she breathes, moves, thinks - is original and all her. Nothing she could say or do would make me __think she was anything BUT Elena Gilbert._

_Funny how the original Johnathan Gilbert was once to blame for starting the cycle of bloodshed and hatred, the same Johnathan Gilbert who WAS the old council. His family started this cycle of insanity; the hunt for vampires that resulted in the death of my father, brother, and me. _

_Over a century has passed yet a Gilbert still plagues me; granted in a way I would never trade or wish away. Gilbert's still write in their diaries (and how egotistical is that?), Gilbert's still hunt my kind and Gilbert's are still killed by my kind. It all gives it all an ironic sense of fairness when you think about it._

_Now that was NOT one of my finest moments, I came from just finding out the woman I loved had lied to me for over a century, had never really been trapped in the tomb; and instead of the emotionally steamy night of comfort I was hoping for from Elena I shattered her trust in me and broke our relationship that if not truly friendly; had at least been cordial and growing warmer every day. Hell I would have taken a hug and a refill on my bottle of jack seconds before I killed Jeremy, that's how much I wasn't thinking about the consequences of my actions._

_That night I broke her. I hurt my beautiful Elena with my carelessness, with my out of control emotions that she once so loved - I made her cry._

_She didn't deserve that! She is nothing like Katherine, just as I'm nothing like Stefan._

_In life, I took the brunt of my father's anger. All the beatings Stefan earned were given to me per my asking. If the dick that was my father wasn't already dead, I would kill him just for that alone._

_An eternity of suffering is the one thing that I promised my brother. All the same, if anyone __seeks to hurt him, they are delusional if they imagine I would allow anyone else to cause him that same pain. I am the only one that has that privilege, I earned it, I own it._

_It's MINE._

_Which brings us to another reason for my dry humor to delight me; Elena quite possibly causes my brother more pain that I have ever managed to achieve._

_He senses that she is enamored with me, how could he not? Pathetic as he can be __he__, Stefan is still a predator, capable of hearing blood pumping through a human's veins several feet away. He can definitely hear Elena's when he is standing near her. Not as acutely as I can, true, but he can still hear it as her blood speeds and her heart skips a beat when she sees me and beats twice as fast when she's alone in her room thinking of me._

_I can always tell._

_Desire is something I took the time to learn and observe even as a human, and it's a trait that has carried over through my transition as a vampire. Of course, now I use it to pinpoint easy feeds and ladies eager for my magnificence; but__ it's really the same thing. _

_She thinks of me a lot, it's only a matter of time before she __realizes what I did a year ago; I'm in her mind, in her blood. I'm the one she craves beyond all others, my only real competition in her life is her Diary, and I know I'm hotter. It won't be long before she admits to being mine as well._

_She is mine. It's only a matter of time before everyone else knows it too._


	7. Chapter 7

Originally 1488

Beta: T.J. Wise

Dear Diary,

I feel like crap.

Seriously.

I've been lying in bed rendered useless by a stupid flu. Every time I open my eyes the light brings about a blinding migraine as I try to see through the gritty consistency that my optic fluids have become.

Being sick has been strange. In one sense it's excruciating and unpleasant in the extreme, yet in another it's a revelation in consistency, reliability and trust. It's really shown me things about my life I had been trying to deny.

Stefan has been notably absent since he saw me the night I came down with the flu.

Stefan had been hunting earlier and had called, promising to come over when he's finished. Every time he goes hunting he showers before seeing me, I've always thought it was weird; he's not a new vampire so should he eat so messily that he_ needs_ to shower? Is Caroline that bad when she hunts with him that he needs to clean up from that? How messy can hunting be? Anyway, back to what I was saying; Stefan came to see me and he was weird for lack of a better word. Does he need a bib?

Stefan has avoided me since he found out I was sick. I don't know why seeing his sick girlfriend should be so weird. The first night I was sick he came over late from hunting, which is nothing unusual because he said he'd stop by when he was finished; but when he got here, he had this distracted look on his face. It felt like even though he was right beside me, holding me, his mind wasn't on me, wasn't on us even, I don't know where it was.

I'm more pissed than hurt. I feel like the only reason I've stayed is for him, I don't want to let him down.

When I come to think of it, Stefan is consistently NOT here for me… So why am I so weak that I can't break away from him? I know we aren't very compatible. After all, he likes a woman who follows his lead and needs him for things - a girl that needs to be rescued. That used to _be _me, I was the broken girl whose parents were dead and had an erstwhile wild aunt for a parental influence and a brother who had an exploding drug problem. I needed someone to tell me what to do and what I should think because I was like a blank slate; if a blank slate was scarred and terrified of living that is.

I feel like I have to be reliable for him because he was there for me after my parent's death. If I left Stefan just because I'm in ready to stand again on my own two feet for the first time in what feels like an age then I will be no better than Katherine was; staying long enough to have her pleasure but leaving as soon as the area or situation was no longer suited her whims.

Stefan has been distant lately; very distant. I asked him about the possibility of me becoming a vampire last week. I think I made a mistake in asking him that, but how could I not ask him? It's been on my mind often lately, how could it not be with my life the way it is?

Admittedly asking him such a leaden question when I have the flu and look like a walking ad for soccer mom frumpy, might not have been the best time. But I had time to think so why not ask? It was either that or let it continue to eat at me.

It wasn't so much his answer as his expression that made me wince! But it definitely cleared any doubt I had about his feelings in the matter. He simply hated it, it disgusted him and the look of pain on his face made it clear that there was no room for discussion. He said it was just surprising, and that he didn't want that life for me. Yeah right, as if it was all there was to it.

Once again I'm painfully aware of him thinking that he can take the decision away from me and I wouldn't be bothered. This isn't 1860s and I am not a girl who sits idly by and allows someone to take that choice away and make it for me. I promptly told him as much, which led to him saying he couldn't deal with me when I'm "like this". What does he mean 'like this'? Like what? Female, opinionated, worried about my future, human?

Part of me is angry and the other disappointed. Every time I'm around him it's like he gets more and more insistent on changing me from who I am; molding me into who he expects me to be. It's like he's becoming this angry, controlling, pushy man who has all these secrets and wants to make all my decisions for me. His mysterious ways, the things he kept hidden, used to be an alluring part of him, but I'm starting to see that it's not after all that attractive of a trait in a man.

Stefan used to let me be, not live or anything, but with him, I was allowed to exist. With Damon I can be me, he allows me the freedom to be me. And a year ago I wasn't able to handle being me, I know, but now Diary I _want_ to be me again.

I need to end it, and strangely this latest incident helps to get the courage I need at least. I feel like I owed it to him to stay ever since he told me he saved my life from the wreck, but I'm not sure that's the reason I've stayed as long as I have. When did passion turn into staid and familiar monotone?

Would it be that way with Damon?

After Stefan's reaction I can't help but think about what Damon would think.

He has been eerily silent on the topic. I know that he thinks about it, how could he not? He purses his lips whenever he hears the word transition or turning. A part of me gets it, how could I not? I'm after all the living clone of the woman who he loved the most once and that he currently professes to loathe and I look just like her. So why would Damon want another reminder of Katherine, one that is also frozen in time and who will look the same forever.

Frozen in time. The thought chills my blood, fissions of fear enter me as I breathe. I feel like I've steeped outside into the deep winter in a tank top and shorts.

Frozen in time. Never growing, never aging, but strong and more.

Damon entered through my window quietly that night. He had texted me earlier and I guess he got worried that I didn't respond, so here he was checking up on me.

I don't even know where I put my phone… There are several piles of tissues littering my once clean room as I failed miserably at throwing them into the trash. I'd like to see you try to hit a trashcan when you can't see straight - good luck with that.

As he came in and saw me, I pulled my covers over my face; I'm utterly mortified that he is seeing me like this. Of course since he's Damon and not someone who respects anyone's personal space or their wishes, he pulls the covers down and away from my face as he inspects me.

Obviously the memory of my dreams are not helping me and I'm flushing like a virgin in front of Damon! Lately my dreams about Damon have been… well, hot and incredibly inappropriate seeing's as how I'm dating his brother - for now at least.

Not that I told Damon that I had been dreaming of him frequently lately. Not only I'd die of embarrassment if I did, but I probably wouldn't be able to live down his teasing when he finds out about it. I don't know why I'm so easily unsettled by him, but there he was, invading my sick quarantined space once again and I didn't think of asking him to leave me alone like I should. That would have been the sensible thing to do, but oh no, I'm Elena Gilbert and I can't do that.

"I have the flu" I offered meekly – duh. Obviously! Has he not been around enough humans when they are sick? I'm sure he saw the flu when he was alive, right?

He arches his eyebrow at me, a hint of humor on his gorgeous lips. 

"You didn't answer my text messages. I was beginning to worry."

His eyes become a shade lighter than they were a moment before. He's always doing something sweet like that, not that he'll let you say that to his face. Men, really...

"Why isn't Stefanny here? You need a good Samaritan to hand you tissues and talk about "_The_ _Notebook" _as you paint each other's nails."

I didn't even have the energy to pretend I didn't know whom he was referring to.

"We had an argument and he left, if you must know." Okay, I might be a_ little_ grumpy by this point.

Damon snorted "What could he possibly be so sensitive about that he left you here, in the house alone and sick? Did he find out that the bunnies and squirrels were holding a meeting about the growing vegetarian vampire population problem? Have they formed a furry coalition? Or what? It is not as if you asked to be turned, right?"

Silence filled the air and I hesitated to deny or confirm that he had hit the bull's-eye with his humor. Looking down nervously at my fingers I finally confessed "I asked him if he ever thought about turning me…About me becoming a vampire."

Damon made this half pained face where he rapidly sucks in air, I think it's a subconscious habit, since I've only seen it when he hears something shocking that he hasn't prepared himself for - which happens a lot as you can imagine.

"And at what point in the conversation did the moron that is my little brother ditch you?" Damon suddenly wasn't sounding very nice…

I can't help but defend Stefan, it is a kneejerk reaction and, after all, I still want to stick up for him, it's sad.

"He left just after the part where I said that it was my choice and he told me that without his blood it wasn't a choice that I could make. Then I told him he wasn't the only vampire I knew and he though I meant you and not Caroline and he stormed off before I could get a word in." I huffed "Not that I have any intention to speak to him more about that if that's his reaction to it." I wonder if crossing my arms against my chest makes me look childish- nah, I don't care.

Damon at this point had his eyebrow half way up to the ceiling as he rolled his eyes.

"What?" I asked. It couldn't have sounded that stupid.

"Does this have anything to do with being sick?" He makes me wonder how he is so good at guessing exactly what I was thinking sometimes.

"Maybe." Oh god, I sound like I'm three.

"When did you first start wanting this?" He asks carefully.

I have to pause and think about that for a minute.

"For a couple weeks? I hate not being able to fight for myself. I hate being weak and needy. I hate other people defending me because I can't defend myself!" I pouted.

Now I have officially regressed to my preteen years. I feel ridiculous and childish for even thinking this way. What was I thinking when I asked Stefan? It's obvious that he's NEVER going to be okay with it! It is possible that they both think I'd make a lame vampire. Is part of the gift of being a vampire the ability to predict that sort of thing?

"Elena, you are literally the strongest person I have ever met."

Damon states as he sits down on my bed and meets my eyes.

"We fight for you because you fight for us; for me. You have always stood up for your friends. Even when they didn't want the help, you were still there. Strength and weakness is internal, you possess an inner fire of strength and survival that makes Katherine look weak."

My breath hitched as he said this. I watched him as he turned on his side, now fully lying down and, wow, does he make my bedspread look manly and delicious. Damon is just staring right back at me. I feel the effects from the flu coming back, stronger than ever. I feel this bone weary exhaustion inside of me and my eyes begin to droop. I'm so tired lately, stupid flu, I want to be awake for this, this is as close as I've been to him in weeks and being this close makes me crave his touch. I scoot closer to him and place my head on his chest, he feels wonderful under my head, and it makes me wonder what more of me under him would feel like…

Sometime during the night my fever got worse and I wake up because I'm sweating so much my sheets are soaked and I feel like I wet myself for the first time since age 5. Damon picks me up bridal style as I start to feebly protest.

"Shhh," he coos "I need to get you changed. You're burning up Lena and I don't want you to get pneumonia on top of the flu."

I feel movement as I wrap my arms around him and surrender. As he lifts me I groan. "I feel gross" I say. I hate anyone seeing me looking this bad.

"I need to shower" there has to be a way to get this gross feeling off of me, I have always hated getting sick… Once when I was six, I got a cold and had to go to the doctor for medicine and ever since then I've hated it!

"Elena, you can't shower on your own, you can barely stand, let me get Jenna or your boyfriend over to help."

"No!"

I protested

"I trust you. Just help me get in there and lay me down in the tub. Jenna and Jeremy are at a bonding camping thing. I was supposed to have other plans this weekend with Caroline, but she canceled on me and Stefan is mad at me."

I watched him intently and repeated. "I trust you."

He seemed hesitant to leave me alone in another room while being this feverish.

"You can even stay in the room with me, just keep your back turned."

Being sick clearly makes me bold, and in a way it's so freeing. It's comforting to know that even when I'm being weak and all human like that he's still my friend.

Living in a world where all of my friends have these amazing abilities when I am still so fragile and normal has been a blow to my ego. Ever since the shock wore off from discovering vampires were more than an imagined fantasy created from the excuses of human lust, I've felt like the odd man out. Like I'm the lesser one in a world where more is needed to survive, to thrive.

I want to be more. I want to have the strength to protect myself from others when I need to.

I want this transition in my life, I want to be a strong vampire; I don't know if I'm ready, but I know I want it.

Someday Diary, someday.


	8. chapter 8

_I blame this chapter entirely on my Beta: T.J. Wise… yell at her, complement's to me please _

_He places me on the closed toilet lid and bends over to start the bath leaving me with an exquisite view of his ass; and let me tell you Diary, his ass is a-ma-zing. _

_Damon adds my favorite scent to the bubble bath and as the scent swirls around in the air the bubbles float on the top of the water's surface making me long for this bath._

"_You know, someday you should come to the boarding house and I can show you what a real bath feels like." He says smirking as I think about his massive tub that I have dubbed as orgy-sized in my mind._

"_My tub makes yours look like a baby" _

_There's that smirk again._

"_Tubs full, time to get in." _

_Why is __the sound of his voice __so fucking good to me? Damon spins me around slowly and kneels down behind me keeping to his word of not peeking; I can feel his heat as the scent of him overtakes my nose and I have to bite my lip in order to stifle a moan. _

_He moves his fingers blindly down the buttons of my pj's and I feel his breathing increase against my now bare shoulder. No one wears a bra when sick, and for just this once I'm so fucking glad, because if I had to take anything else off I might just scream._

_My voice comes out broken and trembling "What are you doing Damon?" Would this be the night that I make my fantasies into realty?_

"_Relax, I promised not to peek. The first time I see you naked I want you to be willing and awake, today you're dead on your feet." I immediately feel loss at that statement then it hits me. Wait, what…Does that mean he thinks I will be naked with him someday?_

_The pj shirt slides off my body as I shiver, from the eroticism of getting naked in front of him. I look over my shoulder to see his eyes closed tightly, almost as if he knows the danger of opening his eyes at this moment. I turn and trace the lines of his face with a barely there touch, entranced once again by this caring side of his as he rubs his face against my hand - I love the feel of his stubble._

_This is the first time I've touched a man's stubble that isn't a part of my family, I've dreamed of it for years._

_I want more, but I turn around instead, the habit of holding myself back kicking in. He touches my hips to support me as he stands up with me and we move as one. I slide my shorts and panties off as they drop at his feet, I wouldn't be surprised if he smells the heat from the clothing I just lost because his face tenses for a moment and he bites his lip. Moving me slowly into the water I moan as the feeling of its warmth, of its comfort, envelopes me. It's heavenly. _

_With my eyes closed, I hear him more than see him move behind me as he grabs my loofah. Damon dips it into the water, lathers it with my shower gel and brings it to caresses my shoulders. Next, his hand dips into the water grabbing my arm and moving it slowly up; first the back, then the front, and wrapping it effortlessly around his neck._

"_I'm getting your shirt wet, you should take it off." Yeah, that didn't sound like I intended… My heart's in the right place Diary, really!_

_He chuckles and moves my arm before stripping his shirt off faster than my senses can keep up with. He sits back down, all without opening his eyes, practice I guess._

_Moving to the bottom of the tub he caresses my ankle as he lifts it out of the soothing water. I can't help but nervously wonder if he can smell my arousal. I am dripping and there's nothing I can do to stop it, knowing his eyes are closed, I can't take my eyes off of him as I eye fuck him while biting my lip, I know he can smell me now, his nose twitches every so often and he swallows silently. I wonder if its' hunger for my blood or for my flesh._

_Or both._

_Baths used to be more relaxing before Damon joined me in the bathroom. I want him in the tub with me, it's excruciating how close yet far he is from me._

_I can't help but cherish this time that I have to observe him without him knowing, my desire is brazen in this room, whether it's the sickness talking or my own desires, and I like it a lot._

_He switches to my other leg doing more caressing than on the previous one. His breathing has speed up again and the muscles in his upper chest have hardened noticeably; another sign he's every bit as aroused for me as I am for him._

_How come Stefan doesn't evoke these feelings in me?_

_Matt never has either but I fail to add him into the same category as Damon. Because Matt was so young and inexperienced, so it's__entirely unsurprising that he couldn't make me feel this way. Maybe this just proves to me that humans while nice and normal are not well suited to me or my life._

_Let's face it Diary, it's Damon that stirs these feelings in me and only he gives me the space to feel safe and independent yet cared for on the deepest level._

Damon's gravelly voice snaps me out of my reverie.

"_You can finish, I'm stepping out real quick." He turns away from me as he stands up, standing stiffer than usual, I wonder if he's feeling the same intensity and level of arousal as I am._

_I hear the sound of sheets being moved, the sound of a bed being made, it's an intensely comforting feeling that takes me back to my childhood._

_I sit up and pull the plug on the drain as Damon returns, his movement's fluid but I can sense the tension in him. _

_His eyes are still closed tightly and I almost want him to look at me as he hands me my big fluffy towel. As fast as I can I cover myself, still sitting up and unable to stand on my own without getting massively dizzy. He comes closer and lifts me to a standing position and I falter on my feet until he grasps me like I've seen a thousand times in old movies. His accidental brush to my thigh causes my head to fall back and I couldn't stop the guttural sound that came from my throat, it was clear even to my ears, so I know that he heard me and I blush._

_Awkward vampire hearing…_

_As if he had heard nothing, Damon sets me down on my dressing table chair and grabs my brush while plugging my hair dryer._

_I'm sitting here and just letting him have his way with my hair, since apparently I need to have it dry before bedtime or I can get sicker, which doesn't sound that great._

_When Stefan touches me like I sense his fear that I'd break but when Damon touches me I sense that I'm precious. It is a new feeling for me that I both love and tremor at; I have felt it, and I desire it, but with Stefan I don't have it._

_Damon finishes with my hair and scoops me up gently laying me on my newly made bed. That must have been the sheet sound from earlier, he thinks of my comfort often, even when he has nothing to gain from it._

_I expected him to climb in with me, but I guess that's too much temptation being next to the girl he loves who happens to be sick and naked except for the towel__s__. "Damon, I want to get dressed"_

_He looks at me and raises his eyebrow. "You're going to have to wait, I put your clothes into the dryer a few minutes ago but they can't have dried already." Crap I forgot all about being out of clothes, I've been lazy with laundry. _

"_I'm going to leave for a few minutes and when I get back I'll grab your clothes out of the dryer and we can get you dressed." _

_Is it bad that I'm imagining him getting me dressed now?_

"Don't leave"

Damon's eyebrows furrow in response.

"Elena I…"

"Stay" she pleads again and she can see he is struggling

"You don't know what you are saying" he smiles shyly and kisses her forehead sweetly "You are ill Elena, and I'll only be gone for ten minutes ok?"

He leaves without giving her the chance to argue. He is always looking out for her, even stopping her from doing something she would regret like kissing him. The question is, would she? Would she regret it?


	9. Chapter 9

_Beta: T.J. Wise_

**_ELENA_**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Diary,<em>

_Waking up once again soaked in sweat is about as much fun as window shopping and finding the most amazing outfit you can never afford._

_I come awake, I feel like the walking dead… My body still feels terrible, and even though Damon gave me a heavenly bath last night, I need one again and badly._

_As I move Damon's eyes snap open from his resting place of my bedside chair, he frows as he accesses my condition._

"_Damon, if it's not too much to ask I'd like to shower or something again." I hope my voice didn't sound as pathetic to him as it did to me._

_Damon nods, his expression is serious, and his mouth is set in a thin line as he scoops me up and carries me to the bathroom._

"_Is this going to become a thing?" I ask as he sets me down on the counter top._

"_I have no idea what you are talking about Elena" He answers as he rolls his sleeves up and bends over to turn the tub on. "I always offer to help ladies that are unwell into the tub. I even have my own rubber ducky I bring for the lady to play with. It's my new thing, when feeding and fucking gets boring I pick up the ducky." _

_I roll my eyes at his half-truth, half-jest statement. In then that I notice that there is a bag in the corner of the room. It's not mine. Hmm, Damon must have brought it over… you'd think, I would have noticed that before._

_When he saw me eying the bag Damon offered nonchalantly "Well, that's for after the bath, I brought movies and snacks. Nothing like being sick as an excuse to paint our nails and talk about boys. If you'd like we can have a pillow fight in out underwear later too." I just kept rolling my eyes at him, really mature I know, but a hell of a lot better than admitting to being interested._

_His back to me as I get in, and when I glance back he's sitting against a wall looking up. I moan quietly as I sink into the bubbles, Diary, you have NO idea just how good this feels!_

_Feeling both more relaxed and daring than I have in a long while, I ask him to wash my hair, once again moaning when I feel his hands in my hair Damon is a god when it comes to massages …and probably everything else. Focus Elena, focus… _

_If being a supposedly evil vampire doesn't work out he could make a killing in giving women massages, that thought makes me move a bit too sharply making the water in the tub spill out, soaking his shirt and pants. Damon raises his eyebrow at me as I just gape at him mortified._

_"Damon, I'm SO sorry!" I say, although he looks pretty good wet, and I can't help but think that this should really happen more often._

_"If you wanted me to take my clothes off, all you had to do was ask." His ever present smirk, causes me to blush hotly as more images come to mind of exactly what I'd like him to be wearing, or more accurately not wearing._

_"Maybe next time I'll ask." I say coyly and I realize how much I miss flirting; I've been way too serious lately._

_"Time to rinse" he says with a surprised yet bemused look on his face. I sit up as he turns around. I don't quite have the courage to ask him to help rinse me. This level of boldness is a big part of the old me, and it's not returning __too__ that quickly. However, even if it is coming back slowly, being me again feels good; very, very good. _

_As Damon puts conditioner in my hair, I ask him about his human life, determined to get to the bottom of my whole good husband/father theory. He begins to talk in his usual way, the sound of it turning me into the inevitable puddle of jelly that he reduces all women to. After all, he is the infamous Damon Salvatore, and he makes his life story seem like one of the old time movies I used to watch on lifetime. Then again, how can you talk about horse drawn carriages and not sound antiquated. He seems to not even mind the water that by now must be cold and is all over his clothes; I think I have an idea…._

_"If you want to change, I have a pair of boxers and sleep pants that are big on me. Or you could go home and come back." My words wandered off, I really don't want to be alone, but I don't want to sound like a wimp either._

_Damon chuckles reading me easily, but in the end, he changed in my bathroom, while I changed in my Bedroom. It feels good to be clean, indescribably good. He disappears for a few minutes as I wonder what he's up to now, my question answered when he comes in with a tray of food and … is that a rose?_

_Turns out it is a rose, and my heart melts just a little as I see it. Sometimes the things he does are completely opposite to who he pretends to be. _

_I finish up eating and I convince him to lay back in__to__ the bed, still on top of my covers as we watch a movie on the laptop he brought over with him. A few minutes into the movie, I begin to drift off in the way that only sick people and the elderly manage to. I'm startled awake by his voice._

_"Do you want me to leave?" he asks his voice low and relaxed._

_"No, unless you want to, that is." I don't know why, but lying beside him feels more right than anything I have done with Stefan in weeks. _

_"I can't leave now, my clothes are still wet. What would the neighbors say!" His mock affronted tone causing me to laugh. _

_We both know he couldn't care less about the neighbors, and that he could easily stick said clothes in the dryer and they'd he be good to leave in minutes. After all, it's not like he isn't ridiculously fast when he wants to be. Which makes me wonder why he doesn't want to be._

_Maybe he does want to stay the night, or he is being the overprotective Damon, and feels he can't leave me. Not that I want him to leave me, Jenna being gone and Jeremy going once again to a friend's place for the weekend, I'd be truly all alone. Somehow, before I knew about vampires being home alone was awesome, now… not so much. Big surprise!_

_"I'll stay" I hear him say that, and a flood of warmth hits my chest, that's just another thing I love about him; he's so good at being there for me when I want him, and in all fairness sometimes when I don't want him to._

_I lift the covers gesturing him to get under with me. By now its 4 am and I'm fading fast, sleep is my friend. He ignores the offered bed space and continues to stay over the covers and I can't figure out why._

_"Because I don't think you'll think it's a good idea when you're not sporting a fever." He says like I asked it aloud, he knows me exactly that well._

_Two days pass in roughly the same pattern until I'm finally over this lame ass cold. _

_Unfortunately, Damon left me to sleep alone tonight, as I'm no longer sick or unable to stand. Funny thing is that I really miss him lying next to me, just holding me. I woke up a few times those nights feeling his arms locked around me tightly and him placing a gentle kiss on my forehead or murmuring words of care that I'm not supposed to have heard. But Diary, that's the problem, I did hear what he said or some of it at least._

_He said he was grateful for all of the chances I gave him after he screwed up so badly, and how happy it made him that I trusted him enough to let him take care of me, and not to ask for someone else to come over. I know Caroline offered, but really, he was the only one I thought of when he asked me who to call._

_Is it bad that I want to count on him for some things? _

_Don't get me wrong Diary, I'm so far from one of those girls who can't make a decision without asking her boyfriend, lover, spouses, or whatever's opinion first. I never have been that way and I don't imagine myself changing anytime soon; but I loved having him here, loved talking with him uninterrupted by family or friends or the next big crisis. It's nice._

_It's funny the things your mind gets stuck on, in the moments between Nyquil and sleep._

_So in a way, being sick was wonderful. I was able to justify my weakness of wanting to hold him and being held by him as he took care of me like a true boyfriend should. _

_It makes me wonder what he would have been like if I had met him as a human? Would he have been a wonderful husband, a great dad? I think so. He's good with Jeremy at least, there are times that I can't get through to my brother and because he's in one of his impossibly moody teenage funks and Damon says the crassest things to him and calls him a dick and for some strange reason it helps, I don't get it, but there you have it. That's something I miss about the old me, my cursing, I used to swear like a sailor and it was fun, but I get the feeling if I did that around Stefan he'd look at me disapprovingly, That's something that I really can't stand about him, he's almost as judgmental as Bonnie, only she's just more upfront about it. I can't remember what I was going to say…oh well enough ranting._

_The fact is that he is good to me good for me. Damon brings out the old me, the one that was buried under grief and the constant supernatural drama that my life became. He takes care of me without suffocating or patronizing, without brooding or making me feel like I have to behave or else… Damon lets me be myself, the better version of me… That is the person I want to be. _


	10. Chapter 10

Beta: T.J. Wise

Dear Lou,

I know exactly what you mean about the books; they lack a certain something that I write in. Elena is portrayed as this perfect person and I don't feel it's at all realistic (says the lady writing about vampires). I adored your lengthy review!

This one's for you.

_Dear Diary,_

_Stefan and I aren't exactly on speaking terms at the moment._

_I went back to school today for the first time since I got sick and everyone was acting really strange._

_I go to kiss my boyfriend like I do normally and he pulls away._

_Bonnie is so mad that it's a good thing she has had some training with her powers otherwise I'd be worried and, strangest of all, Caroline has been avoiding my eyes all day today; she hasn't acted this strange since she kissed Matt when we were still together._

_Like I said Diary… strange._

_Anyways, after picking up the massive pile of homework I missed - I don't know how long it will take for me to catch up - I noticed that I was being stared at by about half the school, which is fantastic. It made me feel like the odd man out who doesn't know there's a serial killer behind her._

_I mean I got sick on a Thursday night, how much could I have missed? Did someone actually do something sordid and memorable here in four days? Here is to hoping. Anything would be good if it made the staring stop._

_People keep apologizing to me as well. Not the 'I'm sorry' I got constantly after my mom and dad died, but an 'I know something you don't, but don't have the balls to be the one who tells you' look._

_Well, it turns out I missed a lot in history, tons and now I have to figure this out…lame! _

_Rick…, I mean, Mr. Saltzman assigned a report on Wednesday that its due in three days, on the subject of the Civil War no less! I don't even get special privileges because Alaric is dating Jenna, which is really lame because, after seeing him in only his boxers two weeks ago, I could really use something to balance out that trauma. Don't get me wrong, it's sweet in a sneaking around in the middle of the week and waking up at 5 am just so you can go back to your place and change so no one knows you are sneaking out of your girlfriends house where young and impressionable teenager's sleep._

_I don't think I could ever want to be a teacher, I love kids, don't get me wrong, and everyone says I'm great with them, but I can't imagine getting up at such an ungodly hour as 5:30am just for school; nobody pays THAT well, especially since class doesn't start until 7:30. Which brings me back to my point, I have a report due in three days and I have no idea what to write about. Damn it!_

_Anyone who willingly gets up that early, just so he can stay at his girlfriend's house and then rush home to dress in different clothes and pretend he wasn't in one of his student's houses all night, with her slightly older aunt (doing things I prefer not to contemplate) MUST love her deeply._

_I have to admit he has a nice chest. God I hope nobody EVER reads this, I'd DIE of embarrassment._

_Anyway…_

_The more I think about the way Damon took care of me this weekend, the more I can't help my heart as it starts to beat ever faster; especially as I remember the things he said to me when he thought I was asleep. I guess when my heart sped up; he thought it was just because I was sick, because I couldn't think of anything that would distract him that much from hearing the pounding of my heart as I thrilled at the feeling of his arms around me. _

_Even as I think that, as I write that Diary, I feel guilt._

_Once again I forgot about Stefan; which reminds me, my "oh so aged boyfriend" who is supposed to know me so well, has set up a meeting with the woman who abandoned me after giving birth to me, only to end up sleeping with and then being turned by the man that I lo…like. I'm still not really ready for what that means. I know I admitted it to myself, but even if I think it is treacherous to Stefan, even if I'm absolutely furious with him; he only wants what's best for me, even if he has NO idea of what that is. He still tries…_

_That's got to count for something, right?_

_I have to go. _

_Damon is practicing his breaking and entering skills on my window…yet again._

_"Damon, it's 5:30 in the afternoon, you don't need to come in through the window." Odd, that I find that almost funny._

_"I know I don't HAVE to, but it is fun and it keeps you, on your toes." I hope that smirk on his face gets paid overtime. After the day I've had, I'm not in the mood for funny._

_"Soooo I heard you and little brother are fighting, what did he do now?"_

_"Oh, I'm sure you had no idea!" He must have at least heard._

_"Oh, I have plenty of ideas, what's the topic?" He replies sardonically. He begins to walk casually around my room stopping at my desk to riffle through the pile of papers that have accumulated from my session of the flu. "Lookie lookie, what's this, I see? An essay, on history, the Civil war no less?"_

_I snatch it out of his hand. "Damon, what do you want?"_

_"Why nothing, dear Elena, what do YOU want?" *sigh* there's that eyebrow again._

_"I want my homework done; I have a civil war paper due in three days, and I don't even know where to start." And now I remember why I'm stressed. Great…_

_"So it's a good thing that you happen to have a stud muffin that happens to have actually been IN the Civil War right?" I gape at him as he once again he drapes himself across my bed and steals face time with Teddy. (What? I was three!)_

"_Come on, I dare you, pick my brain" _

_This is another time that the self-proclaimed evil vampire psychopath Damon Salvatore once again saves my ass._

_The saddest part Diary is that I'm beginning to care less and less whether or not Stefan actually comes back around._

_The part that does scare me Diary, I feel something coming; call it intuition, or knowing just how much danger there is in being an evil bitch's doppelganger. Something's coming and it's going to be big._

_I don't like that thought…not one bit._


	11. Chapter 11

_Beta: T.J. Wise_

_*Anyone willing to give me a summary of each chapter will get future chapters early, before they go out.* Pm me to take advantage of this._

_Next 3 chapters are written and with beta. _

_Dear Diary,_

_ There's something about a new pair of panties that changes my perspective. I put them on and it's like I can be an entirely different person for a day. Whether that it's conservative, stuffy, classy or vixen, a new pair of panties offers a new outlook, makes it all seem less bleak, almost as if allowing for a new lease of life._

_Which is __**so**__ needed right now; my life seems to be washing me away in a sea of chaos and constant stress: my boyfriend is distant, Caroline is avoiding me, Bonnie won't shut up about how evil Damon is, Damon is acting like a boyfriend, and Jeremy…well I don't even WANT to go there._

_In fact; I refuse to go there. _

_So back to last night, Damon actually stayed for the night. And before you get the wrong idea Diary, he was fully clothed the whole time –honest. He came in smelling like whisky - I know big shocker - and offered to help me with my history report. I try not to take things for granted, but have you ever sat right next to a man whose body is the reason behind your wildest fantasies and one of the main reasons why __I__ you have been spending so much time in lengthy showers? _

_Try dreaming of this man doing naughty things to you almost every night and remain focused on a war that happened more than 150 years ago; good luck!_

_He was so amazing, and in one oddly short night we managed to get me an entire report that's longer than what Alaric, (oops Mr. Saltzman… I have to remember his name, or else I'll end up calling him Rick or Alaric in class. That wouldn't be awkward at all…right) asked for._

_Anyway, so I got to school and I saw Bonnie was talking to Caroline. Unlike her usual self, when Caroline spotted me she made up this lame excuse and rushed off! What's up with that girl lately? I've barely laid eyes on her all week and when I text her she says she's just busy with Matt or with vampire stuff; it's actually getting a little weird. _

_This morning I overheard Jenna and Alaric talking about him meeting with Damon at the bar yesterday. Alaric spilled his guts about the class project to Damon which, if you ask me, is lucky he did since otherwise I'd have failed it. While I feel grateful that Rick did this, because we all know it's the only reason I was able to complete the assignment, I suspect that the school board __**might**__ have a problem with it. _

_Which is only further proof that Alaric is a great guy and is good for Jenna; then again anyone not Logan Fell is good for Jenna, or Damon. _

_Now that I think of it, Damon would be terrible for Jenna. Don't think I missed those looks she was giving him when Damon invited himself over for dinner during the first werewolf scare. This Diary, is further proof that I am utterly unreasonable and complicated. I won't make him mine but I will be damned if he even looks at anyone else. _

_But I have no claim on Damon, so he can date/eat whomever he wants to and it's none of my business._

_I really shouldn't be so fixated on him __**not**__ being mine. I had the chance, hell I had hundreds of chances._

_*sigh* once again I wander into places my thoughts SHOULDN'T be. Now if the dirty Damon dreams would stop I'd be able to stand next to the man without blushing and needing to stand downwind lest he smells how not unaffected I am by his presence. Stupid vampire senses._

_I had this _dream the other night, Damon and I were alone at the boarding house and the fireplace was roaring a few scant feet away. The smell_ of pine was strong in the air and atop the coffee table sat a bucket with champagne and fresh strawberries. I was laying on the couch with Damon moving lithely up from my feet, the breath exiting his mouth hitting my flesh and causing tremors inside of me. Best part Diary… I was covered in whipped cream that Damon was diligently indulging in with those sinful lips of his._

_How am I supposed to stand next to Damon with that running through my mind? I want to beat myself up for an hour over that. I really shouldn't have these thoughts for that impossible man, I'm with Stefan, it's ALWAYS been Stefan, why isn't my heart in agreement with me?_

_On that note, it's kind of weird that Stefan didn't text me at all last night. Hum, must have been hunting with Caroline… But even when he does, he'll usually come over after showering. Maybe Damon told him we were working on a school assignment? Oops that reminds me I have to send Damon a thank you text. I'd bake him a cake if I hadn't inherited Jenna's baking skills. Then again, since he's a vampire a cake might be a little off the mark, but it's not like I can go buy some blood…that's creepy. _

_I'm so glad that it's the end of the day, my brain is fried and I don't know if I could handle more right now. _

_I look up as once again Damon comes into my room via the window - would using the front door kill him once in a while? I look at the clock, oh, is 10 pm, so probably best he came through the window after all. Wouldn't want Jenna to get the wrong idea; nothing to see here folks, just your freakishly trustworthy creature of the night - oh god I'm adopting his warped sense of humor!_

_He comes over to the bed and sits on the edge of it. Uh oh, I haven't seen him look this lost since the Tomb incident, shit; this is going to be bad. _

_Maybe if I close my eyes it'll go away, worked when I was five! Nah probably not; oh well I tried. Fuck._

"_Uhm Damon… are you ok?" It's not like Katherine cannot be in the tomb twice… "Oh shit! Katherine's back!"_

_That got a reaction "What! No Elena. It's actually worse than psycho bitch freedom edition." _

"_Well what else makes you have that face? Whatever it is it can't be __**that**__ bad."_

"_Oh it's THAT bad, and you're not going to like it, not one itty bitty bit! And knowing you you're going to somehow blame me. I don't know how yet, but I know you will somehow! You always do." Now he's standing, and pacing?_

_He only paces when he's at his worst. "Damon just say it! You're starting to freak me out!"_

"_I saw Stefan today." His eyes darken a shade at this. _

"_You live with him, of course you saw him!" I say, wondering if this has to do with him off of animal blood again._

"_Let me rephrase that, I saw him AND Blondie together." He looks at me with intense eyes, willing me to understand so that he doesn't have to say it word by word._

_Ok, where is he going with this? Together, of course they're together. Caroline has her "how to be a better vampire" lessons with him. Actually, they've had many of those sessions lately. Stefan said that she was getting feeding with compassion better than many first new vampires he has met._

_As I am pondering this Damon looks at me bewildered and finally snaps._

"_Elena! You are NOT this stupid, I walked in on the both of them Naked, together, and post coital."_

_He's lying! "Stefan would never do that to me! He LOVES me!"_

_Damon's eyebrows rise as he blinks rapidly _

"_You must have been mistaken Damon, he wouldn't do that, especially to me!"_

"_Oh he wouldn't would he? Have you noticed Stefan being absent at night lately? Or that Caroline has been bff absent lately? Can you say guilt? She's probably been avoiding you lately, hasn't she? But NO the saintly Stefan NEVER does anything wrong. I'm sorry my mistake."_

"_NO you're wrong! It may have LOOKED bad but I'm sure it wasn't what you thought you saw. It can't be!"_

"_ELENA, I'VE BEEN FUCKING FOR OVER 150 YEARS, I KNOW WHAT SEX SMELLS LIKE!" He screams right up at my face._

"_YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS AND TRYING TO BREAK US UP! JUST LEAVE DAMON! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU RIGHT NOW!" I screech insanely._

_Tears fill my eyes as I feel him breeze past me, right before he leaves the last thing I see is a tear in the corner of his eye. But no, he has to be wrong! Stefan would never… I have to see him. NOW. _

_I'll go to the boarding house and Stefan will be there alone like always in his room writing in his journal, everything will be alright, everything will be alright._

_I grab my keys as I head out the door, not even caring that I'm in my pj's and without shoes on, because none of that matters right now. I have to get there to see him, to talk to him, to make sense of what can only be lies. I have my cell on me only because I was clutching it at the time, and now I can't seem to loosen my grip on it._

_What seems like seconds later I pulled up to the boarding house, not even bothering to turn the engine off in my haste. I nearly run into the front door as I open it in my rush, slamming it behind me. It can't be true, he wouldn't. He would never!_

_I rush to his room to see his sheets in a ball on the floor and him sitting on the edge of his bed in only a towel that is carelessly tucked at his waist._

_Why is the room so steamy?_

"_Stefan you're here." Could I be more obvious? I can't just come out and say it, he'll think I don't trust him; crap I'm no good at this stuff. I bite my lip nervously._

_I have to know._

**I will post the next chapter when I get 5 reviews…so get on that **


	12. Chapter 12

_Beta: T.J. Wise, she kicks ass._

_Reviews (and it being summer vacation helps me write faster)_

**Elena**

"_Elena" Is that all he has to say?_

"_I need to tell you something" Stefan won't meet my eye__s__. _

_WHY ISN'T HE MEETING MY EYES!_

_I look around as I feel a buzzing at my hip, in my hands which I have death gripping my waist for protection from the blow I know is coming._

**Damon**

_I stride in, not feeling quite up to my usual strut as I see Barbie and Mutt talking in a corner; Mutt's face tells me that she just admitted it. Why let them have all the fun? I admit, my look as I approach could be less dark, but if you can't intimidate someone__,__ somewhere, what's the point?_

_I do so HATE to see people happy when I get blamed for things that, for once, I DIDN'T do. "Well well Blondie, I have to hand it to you, way to stay true to that three musketeer's spirit. You know, all for one and someone else's boyfriend for you." I begin to clap slowly as tears fill her eyes. "Applause is due, I couldn't have hurt Elena better myself." _

_"Dude, this really ISN'T the time" well, well, Mutt grew a pair; now there's a surprise, or another surprise I should say. They seem to be pilling up today. Just my luck._

_"SHUT UP DAMON! I don't need this from you; I have to think, and I don't know how I'm going to tell Elena! I'm like the worst person ever!" For once pinup Barbie isn't being overly dramatic._

_"Oh I don't think there's any need for that." I pause "I had the responsibility of dropping THAT bomb on her a few minutes ago, thanks to your inabilities to copulate in places I don't live!" The Mutt visibly cringes, good "If you wanted to have an affair with the Edward Cullen wannabe, then you might have been a little more considerate of others' feelings. Not mine of course, but perhaps Elena's; you do remember Elena don't you? She's only been your best friend since your sandbox days."_

_"OH MY GOD! You mean she knows? How could you tell her?!" Caroline shrieks._

_Hey, what do you know, Mutt is turning an unhealthy shade of red. "Well, what did you expect Caroline!" He snaps "You cheated on me and Elena in a way, this isn't some game. You can't take it back! You know what? I'm out of here." And he just stole my righteous indignation fuelled exit._

_Damn._

_"Don't forget your coat!" I call out as he leaves, because really, it is cold outside and it wouldn't do for him to catch the sniffles. *snicker* There's just something about others' misery that brings me joy._

_"I have to tell her that I'm sorry!" Great Blondie's water works are getting worse. I should have brought a rain coat for this, and maybe popcorn too, this is better than that crap they have on CBS. Why didn't someone see this happening? God knows Princess Steffy can't go three minutes without committing a vampiric faux pas, it's a wonder he didn't cross his blood and sex wires earlier. This actually works really well for me though. Elena won't admit that she's miserable with him, that there isn't the spark between them that there should be, and what's worse is she knows it and hasn't done anything about it. YET. So here is her chance, or rather, my chance._

**At the boarding house**

**Elena **

_Dear Diary,_

_I looked down at my phone feeling like I was disconnected from my body. Nothing feels real right now, just a few minutes ago everything seemed so sharp, now it's all hazy. I know this feeling, its shock. I'm in shock. _

_I opened my phone as I heard Stefan in the background "Elena, please don't so this." to see that I have a text from Caroline._

_I begin to read "_Elena, I am SOOO sorry! I swear to you I didn't mean to hurt you. It just happened and it was only that one time and it'll never happen again._"_

_Then all I see is red. I press the send key. She picks up on the first ring. "Elena! I swear I never meant to hurt you!"_

_"How could you?" my voice breaks at the end. "I'm not even sure I can ask myself that. It's not like it's the FIRST time you did something like this to me. At least then you had the DECENCY to __**only**__ kiss him! Tell me Caroline; are they better after you steal them from me? Was Matt not enough, so you had to go after Stefan too?"_

_I turn to Stefan as I end the call. "And you! How could you do this to me? To us? I TRUSTED YOU! I yelled at Damon when he told me! And how could you just stand there staring at me wearing nothing but a towel? Are those sheets in the corner from your time with her? Are they a reminder of your affair? If I were a vampire, could I smell you and her TOGETHER on them! Is that why you didn't want me to turn? It was, wasn't it? I wasn't enough for you."_

_I'm on a roll, anger fuelling my tirade._

_"It was never about __**you**__ being a monster, was it? You just didn't want __**me**__ forever__;__ a reminder of what you didn't quite want!" My breathing is harsh and I know I'm probably beet red while being half dressed - fantastic._

_His head snaps up as he FINALLY meets my eyes. "Elena, it happened; I never meant to hurt you and I didn't mean to do it, I got caught in the moment. Bonding with Caroline in the last few weeks has been an emotional experience for the both of us; it brought me to the edges of my own origin and I slipped... I'm sorry."_

_"Slipped? Slipped! Slipped into bed with her?!That's rich! No, you don't get to be sorry, Stefan! I was horrible to Damon when he told me. I said such terrible things, unforgivable things! I have to go." I turn and head for the door when suddenly Stefan remembers he's a vampire and blurs in front of the door blocking my path._

_"Elena just hear me out! We can work things out! Everything will be ok, just give it some time. I know you can forgive me. If you can forgive my brother for killing yours, then you can forgive me this. You have to forgive me! I NEED YOU TO FORGIVE ME!" his eyes are wild with desperation. Suddenly it is clear and why did I have to lie to myself for so long? I can't help but feel disgust and anger, but it is not aimed at him, no, it's aimed at myself for trying to deny the way I feel or rather, don't feel any more for Stefan._

_"NO. Just stop. I'm so tired of trying to make you happy and not feeling the same level of happiness! I owe it to myself to do better, to BE better, for me. We're through. Goodbye Stefan. Stay __**out**__ of my life!" I walk around him as I race back down the staircase, searching my mind for where Damon could be at … I look down at my phone… 3am? When did it get that late?_

_I drive around for an hour and I can't think of a single place he's likely to be at this hour. I head home in defeat as I swallow the tears back down. Oh God, I can't find him to apologize__, god__! How could I be this selfish? This stupid? This stubborn?_

_I unlock the door to my house as I try to be as quiet as possible as I come in, ever reminded of the hour in the silence of the Virginian night. I don't bother turning on the lights in my room as I set my keys on the desk__and I clutch my phone in my hands like a lifeline. Tears are flowing like rivers down my face and I can't help it as I begin to sniffle._

_"Why are you crying?" I squealed in the most embarrassing way as Damon's voice fills the room with his soft timbre. _

_"Is that really you?" I ask softly__.__ I want to hear his voice so badly that I don't doubt that I could be imagining this after the day I've had. _

_"Were you expecting someone else?" his voice has to be the best thing I've heard in hours as I fling myself in the direction of my bed as he catches me in his arms, pulling me closer. I cling to him as my tears soak his shirt. I'm so relieved that he's here. I was sure he would hate me right now._

_"What is it with women and this shirt? I need to get rid of it if this is what happens when I wear it!" even his snark is amazing, like a balm for my wounded soul._

_I can barely talk through the tears "I'm sorry Damon, for everything, I was an idiot for not believing you, I'm so sorry."_

_"Shhh it's going to be alright. I know you didn't mean it, or at least I did after half bottle of the finest swill the grill WAS in possession of. They really need to elevate their taste you know; I've half a mind to take my business elsewhere!"_

_I couldn't help but sniffle a laugh against his shoulder_

"_There, there. Now, we need to get you out of these clothes. You are soaked and barefoot still, and you're going to wind up with a whopping case of the flu if you don't get warm." _

_He places his hands in my waist grabbing my tank top and slowly lifts it over my stomach and breasts until I raise my arms and feel it rise over my head and land in a pile on the floor by my door. My breath catches in my chest as he kneels down so his face is at my waist as he holds my hips and places his thumbs in the indentation by my hip. His thumbs bring my sleep shorts down and off leaving me in my panties with him staring at me with hot concerned eyes. _

"_Do it" I whisper to him as he pulls my panties off. He doesn't linger and I see his chest unmoving, I can tell he wants to smell my lady parts, but his concern is keeping him from it. This has got to be a wet dream for him, he both gets the girl and she's wet and naked in front of him. He moves behind me, hands still firmly on my hips as he undoes the strap of my bra and it falls to the floor, a second later I'm wrapped in a crème colored towel that I know has to be his because it's feather soft and smells like him, I can't believe he brought me a towel too. I could be surrounded in this towel and be content forever Diary. He takes care drying my body and then my hair and pulls the covers down when he finishes and gently places me in bed. I am still numb with shock and sorrow, this entire week has been hell for me and I'm impossibly glad for him right now. _

_I stare in to the darkness still in shock waiting for his next move._

_He strokes my cheek tenderly and makes a motion to get up. My hand flies out and grabs his arm._

"_Stay?" I ask softly_

_Damon smiles kindly and starts removing his shoes, shirt and trousers as I watch him in a daze of emotional tiredness and admiration. When he comes to lie down I lift the covers to let him in. There is a fleeting expression of surprise before he schools his features and get under the covers with me. I snuggle closer and wrap my body shyly around his._

"_Thank you for coming back for me Damon." _

_"I will ALWAYS come for you. I knew you didn't mean what you said, just like I knew that you wouldn't know where to look for me, so I saved you some time and came to you, for your convenience of course." He shrugs the real meaning of this moment off_

_"I thought you'd be in bed snuggled beside a couple of co-eds by now." I try to keep the emotion out of my voice but fail miserably._

_"Don't think it didn't cross my mind for a moment. "he answers bitterly "But they don't have what I want, so the ladies of Mystic will have to deal with the amazingness that is me unavailable. Also I snuggle with no co-eds, like I let them stay overnight!" Right I forgot his standards... Wait what?_

_"Unavailable?" I ask weakly because this can't be happening to me. I finally get my head out of my ass and he finds someone else who makes him happy. Who isn't me? Oh no… _

_"Unavailable, as in taken, that is if the lucky lady decides she's had enough of lame and wants the real man. So do you Elena? Want me?"_

_I stare at his face in the small amount of light that comes in from the moon in the open curtains; once again this man leaves me agape in wonder. "Me?" I almost don't dare to say it, with the amount of hope I know MUST be obvious in my voice; which is silly, because when has Damon hurt my heart lately? Then again it's only been weeks since he fake killed my only sibling. I guess the silence was getting to him because he started to shift around me, almost like a squirm, but slower, like he didn't want me to know how affected he is…_

_"I do." Possibly the most earnest thing I've said lately as I wrap myself tighter around him and his arms caged me in closer._

_I know it's not sudden, and I know it's too soon._

_But it's real. It's US and I wouldn't have it any other way. So that's how I spent the night that started as the worst and ended as the best night of my life to date; in the arms of My Prince, My wonderfully Dark Prince._

**The next chapter will be posted Thursday July 4, 2013… for no other reason than I'm evil. **


	13. Chapter 13

_Beta: T.J. Wise… she's mine and hubby's and you can't have her!_

_This being late is ALL my fault…. If there are mistakes it would be because I can't see straight, migraines are fun kids!_

**At the boarding house**

**Elena**

_Dear Diary,_

_I looked down at my phone feeling like I was disconnected from my body. Nothing feels real right now… Just a few minutes ago everything seemed so sharp, but now it's all hazy. I know this feeling, its shock; I'm in shock. _

_I open my phone as I hear Stefan in the background "Elena, please don't so this." I have a text from Caroline._

_I begin to read "Elena, I am SOOO sorry! I swear to you I didn't mean to hurt you. It just happened and it was only that one time and it'll never happen again."_

_Suddenly all I see is red, so I press the dial key. She picks up on the first ring. "Elena! I swear I never meant to hurt you!"_

_"How could you?" my voice breaks at the end. "I'm not even sure I can ask myself that. It's not like it's the FIRST time you did something like this to me! At least back then you had the DECENCY to __**only**__ kiss him! Tell me Caroline, are they better after you steal them from me? Was Matt not enough, so you had to go after Stefan too?"_

_I turn to Stefan ending the call. "And you! How could you do this to me? To u ! I TRUSTED YOU! I even yelled at Damon when he told me! _

"_Damon told you?"- Stefan asked angrily_

"_So not the point Stefan! And how could you just stand there staring at me wearing nothing but a towel? Are those sheets in the corner from your time with her?!" I screeched in insane rage "Are they a reminder of your affair? If I were a vampire, would I smell you and her TOGETHER on the bedding? Is that why you didn't want me to turn? It was, wasn't it? I wasn't enough for you."_

_I pace the room ranting as my stupid boyfriend- EX-BOYFRIEND – keeps starring at the floor._

_"It was never about you being a monster, was it? You just didn't want me forever, a reminder of what you didn't quite want!" My breathing is harsh and I know I'm probably beet red while being half dressed; fantastic._

_His head snaps up as he FINALLY meets my eyes. "Elena, it happened, I never meant to hurt you and I didn't mean to do it. I was simply caught in the moment. Bonding with Caroline in the last few weeks has been an emotional experience for the both of us; it brought me to the edges of my own origin and I slipped. I'm sorry."_

_"Slipped? Slipped! Slipped into bed with her! You don't get to be sorry, Stefan! I was horrible to Damon when he told me. I said such terrible things, unforgivable things! I have to go." I turn and head for the door when suddenly Stefan remembers he's a vampire and blurs in front of the door blocking my path._

_"Elena just hear me out! We can work things out! Everything will be ok, just give it some time. I know you can forgive me. If you can forgive my brother for killing yours, then you can forgive me this. You have to forgive me! I NEED YOU TO FORGIVE ME!" his eyes are wild with desperation. I can't help but feeling disgusted at me, for lying to myself for so long, for trying to deny the way I feel or don't feel any more for Stefan._

_"NO. Just stop. I'm so tired of trying to make you happy and not feeling the same level of happiness! I owe it to me to do better, to BE better, for myself. We're through, goodbye Stefan. Stay out of my life!" I walk around him as I race back down the staircase, searching my mind for where Damon could be at … I look down at my phone… 3am? When did it get that late?_

_I drive around for an hour and I can't think of a single place he's likely to be at this hour. I head home in defeat as I swallow the tears back down; I can't find him to apologize, god! How could I be this selfish? This stupid? This stubborn?_

_I unlock the door to my house as I try to be quiet as possible as I come in, ever reminded of the hour in the silence of the Virginian night. I don't bother turning on the lights in my room as I set my keys on the desk as I clutch my phone in my hands like a lifeline. Tears are flowing like rivers down my face and I can't help it as I begin to sniffle._

_"Why are you crying?" I eep in the most embarrassing way as Damon's voice fills the room in his soft timber. "Is that really you?" I ask, I want to hear his voice so badly I don't doubt that I could be imagining it after the day I've had. "Were you expecting someone else?" his voice has to be the best thing I've heard in hours as I fling myself in the direction of my bed and he catches me in his arms, pulling me closer. I cling to him as my tears soak his shirt. I'm so relieved that he's here. I was sure he would hate me right now._

_"What is it with women and this shirt, I need to get rid of it if this is what happens when I wear it!" even his snark is amazing, like a balm for my wounded soul._

_I can barely talk through the tears "I'm sorry Damon, for everything, I was an idiot for not believing you, I'm so sorry."_

_"Shhh it's going to be alright. I know you didn't mean it, or at least I did after a half bottle of the finest swill the grill WAS in possession of. They really need to elevate their tastes; I've half a mind to take my business elsewhere!"_

_I stare in to the darkness shocked "WHAT?"_

_He chuckles at my confusion "I knew you didn't mean what you said, just like I knew that you wouldn't know where to look for me, so I saved you some time and came to you, for your convenience of course."_

_"I thought you'd be in bed snuggled beside a couple of co-eds by now." I try to keep the emotion out of my voice but fail miserably._

_"Don't think it didn't cross my mind for a moment, but they don't have what I want, so the ladies of Mystic will have to deal with the amazingness that is me unavailable. Also I snuggle with no co-eds, like I let them stay overnight!" Right I forgot his standards_

_"Unavailable?" this can't be happening to me, I finally get my head out of my ass and he finds someone who makes him happy. Who isn't me. Why me…_

_"Unavailable, as in taken, that is if the lucky lady decides she's had enough of lame and wants the real man. So do you Elena? Want me?"_

_I stare at his face in the small amount of light that comes in from the moon in the open curtains; once again this man leaves me in wonder. "Me?" I almost don't dare to say it, with the amount of hope I know MUST be obvious in my voice; which is silly, because when has Damon hurt my heart lately, then again it's only been weeks since he fake killed my only sibling. I guess the silence was getting to him because he started to shift around me, almost like a squirm, but slower, like he didn't want me to know how affected he is…_

_"I do." Possibly the most earnest thing I've said lately._

_I know it's not sudden, and I know it's too soon._

_But it's real._

_It's US and Diary, I wouldn't have it any other way, and that's how I spent the night that started as the worst night of my life to date; in the arms of my prince, my wonderfully Dark Prince._


	14. Chapter 14

My beta is T. , she's epic!

Dear Diary,

Want to hear something super awkward? I woke up, from my cold (version 2.0) and it took me a few minutes to figure out why. The reason was Damon, who was lying in my bed sound asleep, except that his nose kept twitching. I know that's not normal vampire behavior. I thought about it for a while and finally realized; oh shit I just started my period. Since I met Damon my panties being soaked was **not** a something out of the ordinary so I didn't think anything of it, but the twitching that woke me up got me thinking. A minute after I stopped and thought it out, there couldn't be any other reason, Damon could smell my blood, damn it! I slowly slipped out of bed praying silently that he wouldn't wake up before I was in the bathroom. If the cold didn't kill me, this embarrassment might. I suddenly jerked from the arm that wrapped around me; lightning quick he was pressed against my back and his erection thick and hard against my ass. "Leaving so soon?

"Damon let me go," I flushed scarlet "I'm getting my sheets wet with blood!" I said.

"MMM, I can help with that " he purred giving me a devilish panty dropping smile "Let me show you just how glad I am to see you awake."

"Aren't you grossed out?" I asked nervously, pushing my hair behind my ear wondering why am I'm not disgusted myself.

"Vampire." he deadpans pointing at himself "Wanna make me a happy one and let it be my mouth and tongue you're wetting?"

"I don't know..., I feel weird being around a vampire when I'm bleeding." I hesitate, it's something I have imagined when I was alone in my room after I was sure everyone was in bed already, but that fantasy is a safe one, the reality of a blood hungry vampire in my bed with me while I bleed is entirely different, and much less safe.

"MMM, I know, the bleeding is my favorite part. Why let it go to waste? "Damon pouted "Oh Elena the things my tongue can do. I'd be happy to show you, if you'd let me?"

Oh shit, now I creamed myself.

"Come lay with me Elena, I can smell you want me, your desire for me to do those things to you. I'll go slow. Please Elena?" Panties, dropped.

"I'll be right back." I promise nervously to Damon as I head into the bathroom at almost a run.

I had been in the bathroom for at least ten minutes when I heard Damon on the other side of the door. "Elena, is everything alright there?"

Of course he had to be wondering what was taking me so long . "Yes. " I whisper, too nervous to say anything else.

"Well are you coming out here any time soon? A little blood has never deterred me, especially not from you."

I was frozen in place, paralyzed from the conflicting desires of want and fear.

"Well you can always come out and I can show you just how much I still desire you?" I cracked the door open and saw his smirk, which was directed full force at me.

I've never been so nervous; I walked out of the bathroom after having thought about whether or not I wanted to take this step with Damon. Not that I didn't think that Damon and I would be intimate eventually, but I never really imagined that our first intimacy would involve blood play. Don't get me wrong, I love him. There is no doubt in me about that, but what if I'm not good?

Stefan was my first and it seemed like he never got really um into it… every time he would he'd stop. So what if I'm not good? What if I can't come again? It only happened once, it could have been a fluke, I don't know. Then there's the whole blood thing, logically, I know he'll love it, because he craves it and he's always making some off color comment about how I'd taste that secretly makes me wonder what it would feel like. Obviously, it would be amazing because otherwise why would anyone do it more than once? I mean, ok compulsion and all, but still there are people who love to be fed from, or so he says. I asked Stefan about it once and he got this weird look on his face and went all silent, needless to say, I haven't brought it up once after that.

As I take a deep breath and take little steps forward, seeing his neck arched and his eyes closed gives me courage, I know he is probably just pretending to be asleep for me, but that small kindness on his part allows me to breathe and relax enough to take my next step. The sharp outline of his muscles doesn't hurt either, he's any straight woman's wet dream, and likely a few men as well. This guy can drive a nun to indecency and don't I know it!

I walk into his embrace and sink onto his chest. I still feel tremendously self-conscious and I try to act as if I am not , as if all is normal. But really, how normal can you act when you're naked and about to have oral sex for the first time? If anyone figures out a way, let me know; because I'm out of my depth. I'm hoping he wants me enough that he won't laugh at me. I read in Cosmo that when a woman shows a man that she desires him, it's a giant turn on, so here's hoping that Cosmo is right about formerly human men as well.

I hold back a shiver when I feel the almost electric shock of desire from touching him, he jerks as if he feels it too. His velvety skin makes me want him even more and I feel myself getting wetter as I imagine my dream.

That dream…, if not for that dream I could have held back, but now how can I? How can I when I can still feel the ties that held me to the bed as he held me to his mouth, as he devoured me with his tongue? If my dream is half as good as reality, tonight will be a night to remember.

I am still feeling ashamed of how I reacted earlier... Imagine almost coming against him when I straddled his waist! But the feel of his muscles against my thighs was so sinful ... and he had barely touched me. Stefan was in me and it gave me less sensation, less passion than Damon barely touching me... Not that there is anything wrong with Stefan, but he was, well, it was like there was something missing. A bubble that didn't quite pop, like that time I bought that mascara that was supposed to make my eyes stand out more because of shinny pigments in it…. Fail. Thankfully I didn't poke myself in the eye with this one.

I slowly moved up as I held my breath, Damon's arms grabbing the outside of my thighs, and I was just hoping he won't laugh at me for my inexperience. Oh god, what if I do it wrong?

Suddenly, as he rubs his beard stubble against my inner thigh, I moan , it feels harsh, almost painful, but that coarseness also feels delicious. He pulls me to him and I feel a temperature change the second before I moan, I pull his head closer. Holly fuck, did I mention Cosmo never mentioned the guy not needing to breathe? my head falls back as I arch my back. He thrusts his tongue inside me for the first time and it's a sweet invasion like one I've never felt before; almost like a finger but no finger feels this texture or is this wet. Oh dear god! As he licks me, I can't help but move against him; shyness is the last thing on my mind as he drives me out of myself and into this amazing fullness that I know can only get better with time.

I keep thrusting as I hear noises that sound almost like purring as he laps at me like I'm the finest wine. I feel myself in motion the second before I feel my back hit the mattress and he gets a better grip on me; he moves his face from between my thighs and looks me in the eye, I see desire and love shining through and it's a little surprising because I always thought if a vampire actually drank my blood for real, that it would make them look at me like I was food. Yet my sweet prince looks at me as if I'm a treasure and nothing else could compare. I feel the pressure inside of me build and I arch my back off the mattress again. His veins and eyes turn into the darkest black and his grip on me is so tight that my head is the only thing touching the bed as I moan his name in a constant stream of words. I can't even understand myself and imagine he can't either, but who the fuck cares when it feels this good?

I never thought I could look into the face of a vampire and feel desire, but looking into Damon's eyes as he continues to drink from between my thighs, I can't help but feel it. I can see how much he loves me, tell how much this means to him that I look him in the eyes with his fangs showing and still desire him. I think I'm the first person to do so Diary. Suddenly my thoughts stop.

I scream his name into the pillow as I feel more juices than ever before rush out of me in climax and he happily licks them until my breath returns to normal and thought seeps slowly in. I start to be nervous again about the quality of my performance. He interrupts my worrying placing a heated kiss on my lips that leaves me breathless and reminds me of my one sided release. "You were amazing, it was perfect. Thank you." He darts into the bathroom, closing the door softly, and I'm back to wondering if I did something wrong; was I too um passionate? Didn't like the nails?

He returns to bed gazes into my eyes as I melt inside. He has this way of knowing what I want and need even when sometimes I don't; it just reminds me how good we are together. I go for his lips again surprised when I don't taste blood. I pull away and my eyebrow rises in confusion "You don't taste like blood, or me." He smiles at me like I'm new. "Of course not, you wouldn't like the taste of your own blood, I rinsed." Perfect, he's just perfect for me.

My Prince


	15. Chapter 15

_I though I should hurry and post before my internet goes back out. Enjoy and T.J. Wise beta'd this for me. _

_Dear Diary,_

_I woke up twice in the night, guess I'm not quite used to sleeping with someone in my bed. Or maybe it's the size of the bed, but either way I woke up during the night to find him pressed against every inch of me, breathing me in; funny how things that used to be creepy are now the special feelings starters in my day. The third time, I wake up for real, maybe it's because I'm surprised that he isn't still staring at me like a creeper. His face, slack with sleep, takes my breath away for a second and, again I wonder what this man could have been before my evil twin grandmother got in the picture._

_My mind flashes back to last night as I wonder how strong his love for me really is. He had an all access pass to my blood, to any part of me he wanted to really, because, let's face it, I wouldn't have held ANYTHING back from him. Instead, he held me firmly, but never so hard as to hurt me, as he made me come harder than anything I thought possible. Yes Diary, it really WAS that amazing and he really is THAT good. Which brings me to my point: the first time I bleed in front of him it was just after he came to Mystic Falls. I was wearing that joke of a nurse's outfit left over from the Halloween the year before when Matt and I were still together and Damon told me I needed to leave because I was bleeding. So my question diary is this, if Stefan can't resist me at his best, then why can Damon turn away from me at his worst and still care enough to tell me to leave? The thought didn't occur to me that night because of the Vicky drama, but after reflecting on it, it makes no sense. It must have been so hard for Damon to resist me for this long. And I don't mean just the monster inside him, the one that craves blood, but also the man that saw the face of the woman who broke him and his brother a century before and ended their friendship. He cared enough to breathe the smell of my blood and take it in but then cared enough to stop, and not really for me because he didn't care for me in that way back then, or did he?_

_If love is a battle then at what point did My Prince decide to go to war for my heart? Did it start on the second night? Was that when he started wanting my body and trying to cause Stefan's jealousy with the kiss at the football game? Or was it during our trip to Georgia when he saved my life and then I repaid him by saving his? What man claims to be evil and yet takes me away when I needed it the most? When I was most desperate and felt like I was going to go crazy if I stayed in town? Not even Caroline or Bonnie realized that I had to get away… Now that I think about it, I do run when I am most distraught. After my parents died I went to the lake house and every time something blows my world apart I feel like I just NEED to run away, just for a while at least._

_**Damon's pov**_

_Dear Elena's Diary,_

_If one is desirous of privacy, especially after Gilbert junior's last invasion of it, one might wonder why you keep it in plain sight where a slightly curious if not bored vampire boyfriend of yours might happen upon it when seeking the secret strategy inside your racing ever forward mind…_

_Just in case you missed the battle references, yes, I do love your poetic phrasing of love being a battlefield, although Pat's hair was a nightmare that ENTIRE decade, at least she got that right._

_So in order to clarify some things, let's start with love. A woman is not to be won or caught even, a woman is to be earned. Through every deed he does for her, or because of her, it is in those very actions, whether they be great or small, that his love, and in essence hers, is defined. You are a woman who men would go to war for, for whom they HAVE gone to battle for, because you possess a quality so rare, so evanescent in this time or even any other I have seen, that every man will yearn to posses you, even if no man ever will._

_THAT is why I wanted…want you._

_Oh and about that nonsense about the hunger…. You are the thing I crave more than blood, more than life, more than anything, and, if I hurt you, I wouldn't have that thing that I value above all else, so why the fuck would I screw it up like an ass monkey?_

_I FINALLY had you last night, and it was the best night of my fucking life, and better yet, you didn't look at me with shame, hatred, pity or hurt in your eyes this morning. All I saw was sleepy desire, and, for once, I was next to someone that I wanted to hold and cared to wake up to. So no, I don't give a fuck about the blood lust and you gave me this night. Even if I have only one night, JUST one night with you, I will cherish it for as long as I exist because it's you._

_I love you, even if you're a bit dense… Love Damon_

_-Elena pov-_

_I sit down sighing in relief as I read my last journal entry._

_Dear Diary,_

_I know I haven't written in a while, but it's because things lately have been hard, harder than I expected, even for my life._

_Damon and I have been together "officially" for two weeks now and it's far from the walk in the park that he had hoped for. Stefan still comes to school and every time he passes me in the hall I drop my eyes as he tries to catch my attention. I can't even THINK about what he did because whenever I do I feel sick inside. I know I shouldn't because I didn't technically do anything wrong but I still feel the guilt._

_Guilt__,__ because even though he cheated with his body, his heart remained faithful__In my case, my body was chaste, but my mind was the traitor to the relationship we had, and that is what bothers me. What if I can't be true to Damon? My mother once told me 'if he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you' and I wonder if that fits my situation. Only instead of him cheating I'm worried about me cheating- or wanting to - because hey, if I wanted Damon for this long when Stefan and I were still together, then what's to say that I'm not this huge idiot who wants what she doesn't have?_

_Oh wait, that's Caroline and just like that I'm better._

_I stop as I see a tidy scrawl that's way too neat to be mine and begin to read again._

_Dear Elena's Diary,_

_I can't believe you just ALMOST compared yourself to airhead Barbie, what's next? Emo music and wearing your hair like your brother? Really!_

_You obviously wanted me because, let's face it, I'm the definition of suave and sexy. I make that guy in the Dos Equis commercial; hell I make Chuck Norris, want to be me. So of course you want me! I took care of you when you were sick…twice! I watched the Notebook and STILL haven't killed any of the actors or producer or even the director… although I imagined doing it a couple of times, but then I got busy. Anyway… I look at you like you are my universe and I'd die if it meant you would live. So every time you feel bad for having feelings, just remember that, if you truly loved Stefan then, you wouldn't have fallen for me because he wasn't giving you something you needed to be you._

_That being said, hurry your ass up, I'm taking you out.._

_Love D_

_"What does he mean he's taking me out?"_

_"He means my dear Elena you have been in a fuddy duddy funk and as your bf and your official cruise director you need some pep in your step, or me under your step, but only if you're wearing a skirt otherwise it's not as much fun for me." Damon's eyes shine._

_Let's go__,__ you have an hour to get ready. Go shoo!" I look at him like he's insane because well__,__ it's Damon. I start to feel terrible about how I've been lately. "Ah ah none of that now, come on and get ready or I make you go dressed like that." I love how he knows me._

_Almost an hour later, OK, a few minutes after an hour, I manage to get myself downstairs. He races up to me and blindfolds me before I have a chance to speak. I don't even get a chance to see how my outfit is affecting him, but I can guess since I bought this dress in my "I like things slinky but tight as hell" phase and I know the color matches my skin perfectly, that along with my mother's earrings make me irresistible, or so Caroline said once._

_Damon's p.o.v._

_Doesn't she get that a woman isn't to be won? You can fight over a woman a thousand times in a million ways yet it is solely up to the woman whether she chooses to be given to you? The one error I made with Katherine was that I thought I could win her, that with time and a deviation from standard courting practices she would see that I was the man for her, that I alone would love her no matter what._

_Eh probably for the best that she didn't, turned out to be a real bitch that one._

_I need a hobby now that I have Elena. I can't spend all my time thinking about how to get her anymore as I already HAVE her, have had her for that matter. All mine, no one else's, not Stefan's or Mutt's or that random guy who is undressing her with his eyes 10 feet away from me in the store…_

_Wait, what the FUCK does that punk think he's up to looking at my girl like that? Can't a guy walk back out to the car to retrieve his lady's jacket without someone trying to divest his woman of her clothes and god knows what else?_

_Stupid fuck._

_Nope there she goes, let's listen in, women this century can get a might touchy when you rush in on a horse to save them from evil usurpers…or in this case moderately attractive male from what looks to be another school._

_Elena narrows her eyes while leaning into him. It's possible I may have to kick his ass anyway. "So like I was saying I needed the whip cream and chocolate sauce for this party I'm having, it's a two person event actually" The punk invader's pants tighten and it's clear to see what he thinks of this party idea and then I hear him invite himself to "help out" yeah right, that move looks way better when I do it not him, rank amateur, boys these days. "Actually the only help I need is fitting my boyfriend's dick in my mouth without choking" God she's hot when she's dirty, wonder what she would look be like on my bed covered in that chocolate, I like chocolate, or on a bike, something black and shiny with her spread over it._

_New hobby located. List might be needed, follow up when less hard._

_She leaves jock-o-ramma hard and dry, I almost feel bad for the guy when some woman walks past with her little kid and the kid points to the obvious erection, eep the looks the woman is giving him, some boys can lose it anywhere._

_Elena saunters up to me swinging her hips in the way that I know makes her wet. As she comes up beside me, she reaches to speak in my ear "So do you think he learned his lesson?". She grins wildly at me and I smirk right back, "I think he's never going to proposition a girl in a grocery store EVER again. Although I can't blame him, you have this sated look on your face and the way you were looking at the whip cream could make even a gay man hard with the prospect. Don't think I've forgotten about the deep-throating thing either, I'm happy to help you practice in ANY way I can. Elena giggles at me as we head for the line._

_On the way home I mention my wanting a motorcycle and the instant I do I smell her reaction - that's a definite yes than. I'm ordering it immediately if that's what happens when I talk about it. I'll even get her a riding outfit; fuck, just imagining her in leather makes me want to pull over, so imagine my surprise when she asks me to pull over on the road leading to the boarding house._

_The car comes to a halt as her hand slides up my jeans heading slowly to my crotch. She pulls her seat belt off and I groan as she reaches for my zipper. I can feel her heat through the fabric and it feels amazing as it radiates off her from her arousal. She lowers her head till it's facing my tip and the drop that __it__ she's gotten out of me already by just existing. She takes my scent into her nose slowly and, as she places a kiss on the tip of my head, my mouth falls open with longing. "Please" I do NOT beg, but if it will get her on me faster, then a convenient arrangement of words with specific intonation it is._

_She grins as she looks me in the eye, her face suffused with blood from her desire, face flushed and eyes dark and hot, as she takes my head inside her mouth and slowly sinks down on my cock. I release a guttural sound deep in my throat, wondering how I ever earned someone that can bring 160 years of control to a crashing halt in mere seconds. Her mouth reaches the end of me as I stroke her hair, her breath shocking against the base of me, the way she feels is indescribable to me at this moment, and the best part is her own arousal. I can smell her scent, heavy and thick in the air. As she goes down on me, she brings herself closer to her own edge. I let her continue like that for another few minutes and, when I can't stand it any longer, I speed strip her and position her over me, the tip of my dick touching her entrance but not entering yet. I wait for her to catch up with my movements and as we lock eyes she sinks down on me causing both of our heads to snap back in bliss. I can tell she's close, her muscles are clamping down on me and I think I can bring her off with just my words. "Elena, have I told you how good you feel? So hot, so wet, so tight, how you squeeze every ounce of control out of me and make me feel like I'm a teenager chasing after my first taste of kitty? How your scent fills this car up and I can tell how much you fantasize about bikes? Or should I mention how I'm going to place you over a bike and feel your hot legs wrapped around me as the engine purrs beneath?" that last one did it, and, with a shriek, she comes on my dick. I inhale sharply as I feel the flood of her juices, I can't hold back any longer and start thrusting in a way that has me shouting her name in seconds._

_Heavy breathing is all that fills the car for long minutes._

_I NEED to order that damn bike._


	16. Chapter 16

Beta: T.J. Wise

Elena

_Dear Diary,_

_I spent the night in Damon's room for the first time since the night he was dying from the wolf bite. I'm not sure if I could do the night justice in the retelling, it somehow felt so different from all the nights that he spent at my house sleeping in my tiny bed curled up so tightly there was no room for me to turn unless I removed his arms, and believe me Diary, I had NO intention of even thinking about doing that!_

_We had gone to bed wearing little as usual, Damon had started coming over nightly since we started being a couple._

_I had on my sleep shorts and Damon was in silk pajama pants; the color matched his eyes so I love those pants. I woke up several times during the night but that was nothing unusual, go through the last year like I have and you too will never sleep straight through till morning. One thing I love about him is that he always wakes up when I do and always kisses me gently telling me that it's alright. The funny thing is that when he says it I believe him because when I'm in his arms everything is alright, if only for a short time._

_But this night was different, I startled awake grabbing onto the first thing I could reach which happened to be his bicep and I gasped for air feeling the rush of the freezing water around me as I gasped for breath. Then I woke up and realized when it is and where I am. I am safe._

_Safe in the arms of a man who has killed thousands, tens-of-thousands even, without a drop of remorse and yet he is who I love, he is whom I choose to be with. I'm almost surprised I didn't think of it before; being with him forever sounds like a good idea, great even, because if a man can moon over the woman he loves for 150 years then I know he won't tire of me anytime soon._

_If ever._

_I'm ashamed to say that I'm happy that she hurt him so much, because like it or not she made him who he is today, and he chose me of all people; neurotic to the core with a bad girl side that I see more of when I'm around him. I can't help it really, how can you contain the savage power of a tornado inside of yourself? Because that's just the depth of emotion that Damon evokes in people..., and everything from his calm approach to danger to the way he does his hair sets me alight in ways I thought were reserved for fiction. Or fairy tales, either way…_

_He soothes me back to sleep shortly and the next time I wake up is because of a dream of a completely different nature._

_I dreamed that I was in the boarding house but that the Salvatore brothers were gone and I was lying in Damon's bed smelling his scent in the sheets and on the pillow beneath my head._

_I felt my pulse pick up when I slid my hand down from above my head to my breasts as I slowly stroked myself thinking about all the things I would do to him if I wasn't so insecure about my sexual skills. _

_I feel a gentle breeze coming in from the open window and my nipple peaks just a little more and I can't keep the sound to myself any longer. I moan softly, hearing my voice break, I'm anticipating what's to come, thinking about him biting down my flesh by candle light as I feel myself grow wetter, because how could I get anything but wet around him? He oozes sexuality and his innuendos are as much of a part of his core as the hunger for blood is._

_I arch up into his hand as I become awake, he's pulled my shorts down and angled me so he has maximum penetration and I gasp as I feel him come into me. I take in a sharp breath into my lungs as he titillates one breast with one hand as the other holds me tightly to him. I sigh into the darkness wondering if he knows just how erotic sex from behind in the dark can be. Even without the breeze from the open window, there is something about the stillness of the night that captures me. Then again, a man who has been practicing sex for 150 years is obviously not a lackluster performer._

_Unlike his brother, Damon knows exactly how to touch me to move me to fever pitch in seconds. I arch my hips back as he changes the angle, pulling me tighter to him as he begins to nip at my shoulder. I need more and he knows it. He's been doing this thing lately where he pulls away from sex when he knows damn well what I want it from him, all because he wants me to ask for it. I feel sharp teeth against my collarbone and that's how I know that the feeling I'm experiencing, this hot tight pressure inside of me, is within him too._

_It means a lot to me that I can bring him to this._

_I feel myself clench against him and he lets out a guttural sound in his throat telling me how good it is for him, how good I am for him. I used to think that Damon would have been a talker in bed but most of the time he's busy staring into my eyes with an expression close to desperation and sheer wanting. I ask him to stop and he freezes, whether in shock or courtesy I don't know. But he stops moving and becomes still as the statue that he looks like_

_I distance myself from him and move so that our foreheads are touching, pressed together, and our breathy gasps are in harmony as I sink back onto him. My back arches pressing my breasts into his mouth and I can't help but moan from the picture we must make, the only way this could be hotter is if I could see myself wrapped around him like I am now. Maybe with a mirror._

_I can tell my nipples are going to be sore and possibly bruised but, damn, it's worth it for the feeling I'm getting. I delight in it so much that I clamp down around him and he hisses speeding up until he's below me but controlling the pace, and I love it. He flips me over onto my back without coming out of me all the way, and he lifts my legs up and holds them with one hand so that my legs are almost around my head, and as I put my legs behind my head I hear him groan and feel him spasm in me. I know for a fact that I'm super tight when he does that._

_Oh no! Poor Mr. Teddy, he can see me! "Damon, wait!" I say, stopping him instantly._

_"What is it Elena?" He practically snarls, I can tell that he's close but I can't let Mr. Teddy watch us can I? There are some things that you just don't do._

_"Damon I can't do this while he watches us!" He immediately growls, protectively looking around for the "he" I've mentioned; I can barely see his face because the light from the window shines on it. You'd think floodlights would be convenient, but not so much while living on the edge of a small forest with animals and it comes on a billion times a night. But since Stefan's room doesn't face the light I've never cared, unfortunately Damon's does but lucky for me I love to see him._

_His eyes flash and he searches the room, body tense for the intruder, seeing where my gaze was he finally got it, and honestly men can be so dense sometimes. "Tell me you're not talking about a fucking bear when I'm inside you. Clearly I'm doing it wrong if you can still think about a bear right now!" He flips me over pressing my stomach into the mattress crossing my legs below me and spreads my ass cheeks open and plunges in again. I scream his name forgetting all about the bear for now. He practically howls his pleasure as my muscles bring him to release as he continues to circle his hips pushing himself inside me just that extra second more._

_All I can think to respond is "What bear?" as a brilliant smile lights his face._


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17: Chapter 17**

**I have the bestest beta the illusive T.J. Wise**

-  
>Dear Diary,<p>

I've been thinking about Stefan lately, about his problem with blood and how mad it made me that I was NEVER first to him, and I realized something…

The hardest thing about loving an addict is knowing that you can never be first. The addiction is ALWAYS the most important thing in that person's life, it doesn't matter if they are your family, your best friend, your parent. First and foremost, they are addicted and that addiction can never be sated, there is no recovery, there is no such thing as not using, not drinking, not gambling, or whatever your poison is. There is never a chance for recovery because the sickness is mental. There is no pill to take, no program to cure, no way to stop it, and every second of the day whether you admit it or not your life is about planning your next fix. Whether you are clean for a day or a decade, you revert to that old craving not because of your inner weakness but because the strength of your need for that poison. That little death is more powerful than any love you feel or felt in your heart. No love you ever proclaim can trump it, and you can never truly show love because it will always be second to the craving, the hunger, and the need for that drug.

Talk about relationships doomed from the start! In a way I'm glad, because it's easier this way for me now that I don't have this constant thinking to do about hating myself for choosing Damon.

It was never really about Stefan's love for me; no, I was a distraction, a ploy to remove himself from temptation. He just acted like a human for this human because it's what he thought I wanted from him. Really it was about what he needed. He hated, hates, being a vampire, but gets lost in the blood and then things turn to carnage. However, if he really hated it so much, would he really loose himself in it like he does?

It makes no sense…

I realize that since the beginning, I have held Damon to a higher standard than Stefan. Sadly, I lost all respect for Stefan from the moment I learned about him being unable to drink human blood without going into a frenzy. It is hard to understand that he's unable to control the same part of him that every vampire can, even Damon. When I was bleeding that night at the Halloween party, Damon smelled my blood, it called to him, I KNOW it did. Still, Damon didn't turn into a maniac, and had enough restraint to tell me to leave and I listened. Stefan doesn't have that control or that respect to trust me that much. That has always bothered me.

I'm done with regretting the being over regretting the time wasted trying to be this perfect boring little human girlfriend. I'm done with hating myself for not being able to make the huge changes that I thought I needed to make to be with him.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18: Chapter 18**

**My beta is the amazing T. **

**Elena**

_He moves too fast for me to see and claims my mouth in the most possessive kiss of my short life. I feel my pulse race. He backs me up till I'm sitting on the dresser with him in between my legs. Minutes pass and I feel him begin to stroke his hands up and down my arms, then he starts on my legs, slowly, as if he was afraid of me moving or realizing I was naked except for the towel around me. Funny thing is, I didn't even care Diary. I sat there letting him press against every inch of available skin, tasting each other completely and not caring for the world around us. _

_That is, until Jeremy came barging in on us through the bathroom door that I'd forgotten to lock. _

"Elena have you" he begins, then he paused while he took in the sight.

"Well, I was going to ask if you talked to Bonnie yet, because she texted me something about Caroline and Stefan that I thought I'd better check with you on, but it must be true. Right? You would never be kissing someone else if you were with Stefan."

I just gaped at him like a particularly dull fish as I tried to get my brain to work. Thankfully, Damon stepped in for me; clearly I must still be in shock if it takes me this long to think of what to say.

"Stefan and Caroline went all Tarzan and Jane meets Titanic on us and now she's seen the light, not to mention common sense and picked the better man. That's me, in case you hadn't noticed."

His cockiness is always astounding. Then again his kissing is really underrated from what I'd experienced so far this morning. There should be a website, www.I've been kissed . There is clearly too much notoriety about his kisses. I have to correct the world's mistakenly thinking otherwise… but then…. then I'd have to share…never mind, stupid thought.

"Now, Elena and I are going to get her some breakfast. If you'll excuse us!" Damon said casually, like it's normal to be in a towel in front of my brother and talking about Stefan's adulterous night.

Now that I think about it, compared to the rest of my life, this is probably the only normal thing that's happened to me lately.

Now that's depressing.

Jeremy shook s his head and walked back into his room; I could hear the click of the lock in the silence of my room. Damon began to kiss my face again, hoping to continue. He reached around me as I wondered why, and started going through my underwear drawer handing me a pair of panties and a matching bra.

"HEY!" I said, as I snatched it back from him in outrage.

"What, too much?" he asked with a devilish smirk.

"Yes, too much Damon, I can pick underwear out alone!" my voice should have made that clear.

"Why do it alone, when together is much more interesting" His famous eyebrow is back, and I can't help but smile as I see him grin at me. I met his lips for a quick kiss and pushed against him, getting off the dresser. I headed back into the bathroom and put my underwear on, completely forgetting once again that I don't have either shirt or pants. Damn, that man makes me forget the simplest things when he kisses me.

I walked back into the room, all false confidence, and Damon's eyebrows shoot nearly to his hairline as he sees me in my delicates. I wasn't going to let him pick out my clothes, no way! He's likely to dress me like a tramp. I walked slowly to my closet to select an outfit as he cautiously approached me in the way only a predator can. He came behind my back, pressing himself against every inch of me, making me feel wicked as I felt his clothing against my naked back as he wrapped one arm around my shoulders and the other around my middle, bringing us that extra closeness that caused me to shiver in excitement.

He kissed me where my neck and shoulder meet, right on my pulse point that until then had been rather steady, if not a little fast, with the excitement around me. After that kiss, my pulse started to race; and I'm sure he could see my pulse slamming against my skin.

Suddenly my breath caught as I imagined us entwined just like this, only I'm wearing nothing and he's inside of me, bending my spine backwards as he cups my breasts.

My dreams have been my dirty secret lately, and he stars in every single one of them. It's all I can do, when I see him staring at me from my mirror, to not bend myself just like in my dream. I wonder if it would feel just as delicious… He catches my eye in the mirror and gives me a strange look "what?"


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 20: Chapter 20**

**My most amazing beta T.J. Wise worked this into something that uses commas!**

**Damon**

_Dear efficient highly-masculine __**not at all **__a fucking diary man report,_

_Elena was so impressed that she decided that, even though I am over a hundred years old, I NEEDED a birthday present. I admit to liking that she cares enough to remember that I HAVE a birthday, unlike a certain brother who, when prompted, thought he missed a football game on TV… like there's a good one on…heathen._

_So here I am writing in my NOT diary, wondering why the FUCK and possibly WHEN the fuck my man card went missing. Can I steal someone else's?_

_Oh yeah Elena. Not that I care TOO much, but my first birthday present was her dipped in whipped cream and hot fudge. BEST BIRTHDAY EVER. Then to make it just that better I talked her into giving a few drops as she came clenched around me._

_I've been meaning to write to Penthouse again…_

_I've expected more trouble from Mr. Broodiness, what with the fucking himself into a corner with Barbie and all that. But, apparently, Elena caught him and Barbie yesterday in the janitors closet, right after Stefy tried giving her flowers (grovel attempt #4)and was rejected, again._

_Guess that didn't go so well for him….huh…_

_She came home in a huff, eyes wide and chest panting and rising, with a face that showed her lack of composure…God she was hot!_

_She came home and dragged me into the living room, planting her legs on the outside of mine as she pushed me down on the couch and promptly made me wonder what my name was. I didn't know shit, but damn, it was fun._

_I keep waiting for her to change her mind and go back to her prince in tarnished armor, but she seems happy. I know she's not that good of an actress to hide it from me so she can't be. _

_That's it, I'm burning this paper… I need a drink._

_**Elena's POV**_

_Dear Diary, _

_Days seem to blend with one another when I'm with Damon. I don't know if it's because time always goes fast when I'm with him or what, but whenever we're together everything's better. I think that recently it's the biggest difference in my life. I don't have to be someone I'm not and it's the most freeing feeling. Damon doesn't hold me on a pedestal. I finally found someone who has seen me in tears, broken, joyful, and feeling like I was going crazy and he has never once tried to change me. He accepts me for EXACTLY who I am and that's the best thing in the world for me. I wonder what would have happened if I had met him first. What if it was him that saved me after the accident? Would I still have dated Stefan? Would he have started changing sooner?_

_The possibility of having wasted so much precious time drives me crazy. I'd have loved for it to be him saving me from Wickery bridge, but in every other way he saves me, every night when it counts and even when it doesn't._

**Elena**

_Dear Diary, _

_It's one week till the day that every High Schooler dreads- time to send in college applications. With all that's going on it's a wonder that I've even had the time. Not that Damon gives me the option to do so of course. What with the subtle hints of applications and their deadlines both Damon and Jenna have left all over the house, it's a wonder I'm not a wreck. Well OK I am a wreck, I have nothing written and it's only a few days away. I know Damon has been checking on me while he gives me more space. I know this because dearest teddy has been loved and he's the only one with an obsession with MY bear!_

_I'm having the worst case of non-diary writer's block and it's obscene. I used to have so much to say and it flowed over the page without me knowing just what was being said, nowadays it's like staring at a blank page and hoping I get an idea. If I could be writing everything Damon and I have done lately it would be done already, ugh and that brings us to Stefan. I was at school, minding my own business (for once), after ditching Stefan's latest attempt to apologizing for running around on me with one of my EX bff's when I hear a noise in the supply closet. SinceI can't help but be me, I HAD to look… and promptly found Stefan fucking Caroline against a wall. Just great! So I freak out and run out of school in the middle of the day like an Original is after me and, before I know it, I'm at Damon's literally jumping him with the frantic need to get the memory of Stefan and Caroline OUT of my fucking head. I have the hardest time believing the sincerity of either their apologies when they decide to go at it during school!_

_I wonder if I can convince Damon to join me for a school quickie….Yeah I know I can…Might be fun!_

_So I jumped him and didn't stop until he was screaming from pleasure, because well Diary, I felt REALLY insecure, and I know Diary that isn't the most mature emotion and I know I shouldn't want to do that to anyone, but damn it I really did._

_Sometimes being vindictive can be a bad thing. Sigh._

_I'll admit that seeing Stefan like that was yet another nail in the coffin of our relationship. Looking back, I noticed that there are so many of these nails that I'm surprised I don't have lead poisoning._

_Ooh gotta go, Damon's here!_

_My curtains shift as the whirlwind that is the eldest Salvatore comes through my window, _

"_You know Jenna doesn't mind you being here"_

"_But where's the fun in that? " He smirks._

_I roll my eyes even as I grin at him. "So I wanted to apologize about yesterday, I didn't mean to use you like that" I can't meet his gaze as my hands are balled in my lap._

"_For what, the jumping or the mind blowing orgasm?"_

"_I freaked out when I saw Stefan and Caroline and the only thought I had was I need that! It was wrong of me to use your body like that when I was freaking out."_

_Damon's jaw drops and he starts blinking really fast._

"_Elena, I didn't mind it. I LOVED it! Feel free to do it anytime, literally any time." _

_The last was said with an eyebrow raise. I go back to blushing but at least I can look him in the eye again, I felt so bad like I did something wrong._

"_Damon I feel dirty" I finally admitted._

"_Why?" He asks stunned. I'm awesome at stunning century old vampires; really it could be my calling, if this writing thing fails that is._

"_Because I don't even remember driving there. I don't know why I came and I don't know why I just jumped you instead of having a sane conversation like a real person!" I exclaimed exasperated._

_Damon enfolds me in his arms "Really, I don't mind, you were upset you panicked, I'd do the same thing. Well, less the sex part, more death and blood to start with, but maybe then the sex would follow."_

_Everything from the past weeks comes rushing out of me as I scream "How could he do this to me! He's supposed to love me and he's trying to apologize, then not even 20 minutes later he is caught, by me no less, screwing Caroline, again!"_

"_There are many times my brother is a sweet and caring person with a saintly moral compass. This is clearly not one of them, but, to be fair, are you really that upset?" Damon asks._

"_Am I upset? Am I upset?! I spent a year of my life with him and we stuck together through everything, of fucking COURSE I'm upset! I nearly died several times because of that vampire and I always had this feeling like he was trying to replace something in his heart but clearly he was trying to replace something with his dick!" _

_Damon's body becomes rock hard with tension and I feel his mood shift. Maybe it's not the best idea to rant to the philanderer's brother?_

_Damon moves away "I have to go, I'll see you later." He leaves without a hug or a kiss or anything and it finally hits me, I was describing what Damon has done, to both Stefan and even though Stefan did the same … SHIT._

_Sometimes I can't help but feel like the worst person ever._


	20. Chapter 21

**I would like to mention that my beta in no way is responsible for the mangled that is this chapter, her life got busy. **

**Elena**

_Dear Diary, _

_I take back ANYTHING good I ever said about kids._

_**EVER.**_

_Never was I that girl who has that fantasy of the white picket fence, of the dogs or the 2.5 kids. It was at a young age that I understood what I wanted as an adult. I never fantasized about my wedding as a child, I wanted love and that was all that matters. Even if I never turn, I don't want kids, I love kids don't get me wrong and I've babysit enough to know I'm great with them (I'm still turning down invites to watch the neighbors kids, but I'm not passionate about my own kids, and that's important to me, I always thought I'd be an awesome aunt and when bonnie has kids someday (Caroline can't have any anymore not that I'm speaking to her anymore… but she would have been great with kids.)_

_I should start at the beginning. Before my parent's died, I used to watch one of our neighbors kids named James, -I called him little Jamie-, he was four and the sweetest thing I've ever seen in my life. He was an angel for me and I adored him. So when Mrs. Carmichael (his mom) asked me to watch him because she had something important to do at the last moment I pulled out my good neighbor hat and went over there at 6:30._

_It's now 6:42 and I want to kill myself, or sic him on Caroline (must spend time on that later…)_

_He just ate dinner and asked for soda, which I was told NOT to give him so obviously I didn't, then he wanted to watch Scooby Doo, which I was like whatever about, until he turned on the TV to the 'Skinemax' oh I mean Cinemax channel which was showing a series that I think has less to do with college than the many varied positions you can possibly get into with props around the classroom. (Which reminds me I HAVE to try that one out) when he promptly shouts "OH! That's Mommy's favorite since Daddy left! But she only watches it when she thinks I'm sleeping!"_

_Shit!_

_I don't remember sucking at this before._

_I promptly make up a lame excuse about Mommy dreaming of being a doctor when she grows up and needing to see how bones move (should I have used the artist excuse, nah not with the lack of paintings in this place.)_

_So finally it's his bed time, and we get his teeth brushed and changed into jammies for bed and he's tucked into bed when he asks to hear a bedtime story (and I can't think of a single one that doesn't involve a certain blonde vampire slut) so I tell him about Cinderella. _

"_That's a lot different from the one that Mommy tells me now, she always starts with Once upon a time at the riverbank of a kingdom a princess contemplates how to reduce our dependence on oil. I like yours better Elena." _

_What the hell are parents reading to kids these days?_

_I can't help but wonder; is this what happens when your relationship doesn't work out? You end up alone watching soft-core porn telling your kid feminist bedtime stories? Because if so I'm going to go apologize right the fuck now!_

_At which point I started panicking…_

_I can't live like this! I open my phone up to dial Damon and hear a ringing outside the front door as keys unlock the front door and Damon enters carrying what I assume to be the ex-Mrs. Carmichael who by the way is three sheets to the wind drunk off her slutty ass draped over MY boyfriend._

_Caught between glaring and wondering if my mouth open this wide really looks as stupid as I imagine, I hear Damon vaguely as he takes her past me and I follow swiftly. No way is some drunk divorced hussy allowed alone with my boyfriend. I stomp up the stairs as loudly as I possibly can while still being quiet because God knows I'd rather talk to Katherine again before I wake that little monster up!_

_Before I manage to get into her room Damon comes out pulling the door shut. Why are we like this? Have we really come to this, this level of fear and mistrust? _

_I stand in the living room with him neither of us really looking at the other, we both start to speak to the other at the same time and stop abruptly. _

"_I'm sorry." We both say, and then we both sigh. This would be cute if it weren't the worst venue for this._

"_Go ahead " I say to Damon, if I talk I have confidence in my ability to fuck it up so hard it'll take a week to fix, or should I say ANOTHER week, because yes Diary, it's taken seven achingly painful days for our paths to meet. _

_The problem is that we are both the same, we say horrible things when angry to the other that causes me crying fits and him murdering sprees, or it used to, there are seconds that I wonder if he's changed that much._

_That's a lie, I trust him more than I trust anyone, myself included, that's the worst thing about fighting with him, I turn to him for everything and when we're not talking I have no one._

_There was a time that Caroline, Bonnie and me were inseparable, then my parents died, I started "associating with vampires" as she indelicately puts it, Caroline died and well here we are I'm estranged and not speaking to Caroline, whereas Bonnie isn't speaking to me!_

_Funny how things come full circle, like when Caroline came onto Matt last summer and it broke us up. Bonnie was on Caroline's side, which was total crap because she said that I led Matt on! Which OK I didn't know how to break up with him but it's not like that wasn't coming for a while, hell the night of the accident I was at the party trying to get AWAY from all of his 'what's in store for us' emotional probing._

_It was all TOO much; to tell the truth it's still too much. I still don't know what I want to do with my life._

_All I know is I want Damon to be there beside me, always. I think the reason I never managed to make the commitment with Matt was that we were utterly wrong for each other. _

_Matt is sweet and caring, open and gentle, he needs someone who can do that, who can be that. That's not to say that I'm not sweet at times but I have a wildness that my parents always used to remind me called for a like wildness. My mom had this "Sex and the City" phase for a few years and she said I needed someone who saw me for my wildest and most untamed side and loved me for it, who let me not only be me but encouraged me to be the best me I could be._

_That's exactly what Damon does, granted he kidnaps me when he thinks I need a break but at the time I can't deny it WAS what I needed. I have a problem with that, I tend to hold on when I need to let go and let it happen. Damon doesn't let me do that, so I have no need to lash out like I used to with Matt and go do something asinine and insane just because I NEED to feel free._

_I feel free with him and I revel in the joy of it, in him. I've never thought a man completes me and he doesn't but I feel completely me when I'm around him._

"_We need to talk" Damon says to me, and as my stomach bottoms out the only thing I can think of is "oh shit."_


	21. Chapter 22

My beta is TJ WISE… and she's epic.

For: jaimi-or-jaemi. She made me smile

* * *

><p><strong>Damon<strong>

"I need to know that you want me. I need to know your feelings for me are real. That what you are feeling is more than just a temporary side effect of you wanting to be angry at Stefan. I can't ignore that it's soon after you two falling out, possibly too soon, so I need, I have the right to know." Damon struggles.

Damon continues. "You know that I love you and that I've waited so damn long to touch you... I don't know how I managed it, but I need to know that our connection is based on more than you being angry at Blondie and Broody's horizontal crashing and tumbling in bed together. I want you to want me for me, not as plan B or as a revenge fuck to get back at my brother. Is that something you can manage, or do you need more time?"

Elena blinks, not realizing he felt this way. "Damon, if I didn't love you I would never have been able to forgive you for killing Jeremy, or hurting Caroline! Granted I was furious with you at the time, but the way I feel for you scares me so much that it has to be real. Stefan hurt me true, ok he's still hurting me sometimes, but without you I wouldn't be as happy. I wouldn't cope as well. You give me the strength to be that way, to be happy, to be me, and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I love you"

"I love you back." His lips met hers and time seemed to stop.

_**Elena**_

_I know that I should have wanted to wait to be part of a 'we' again, but I didn't feel like it. I don't feel the want that should have been there, and it makes me wonder, could it be that I'm on the rebound?_

_No. That sounds silly, Elena Gilbert doesn't do rebounds. Not that I'm too perfect to not want to. But I am smarter than that, because rebounds only hurt those involved, and I have a hard time giving my body to someone who I'm not going to keep. Does that make sense to anyone else? Probably not. But it is the way I feel. I know that sex with a stranger is, in theory, good. It is supposed to be free of inhibitions and issues, but in the end all I'd be thinking of is why am I sharing myself with someone who I don't want in my life? Why give a piece of my body to them, to have an experience of the rawest kind when I feel nothing for them? In a way, I think of sex as a gift, of not just being about trust and commitment, but also being of mutual respect and stability. I remember my mom saying to me once that a girl worth having is not easily had. I came to like that years later, because at the time I didn't get it; who would? It's, one of those pieces of wisdom adults tell you that you never get until years later._

_I've been thinking about Stefan a lot lately. About our relationship in the past and what it's turned into in the present. I've realized that I do not regret the relationship being over. What I regret is the time that I've wasted trying to be this perfect boring person, fitting into the box that Stefan needed. The "me" that was created the moment that my parents and I plunged off Wickery Bridge, that "me" that hates myself for the huge changes. That I even once thought I couldn't be myself with him without him being disappointed in me is ridiculous. I think what hurts the most is, I became someone who needed someone to BE okay with her life, which has never been me. _

_Yet, as I think about it, I started to realize that this is exactly the type of person Stefan has always been himself. He goes off human blood because he doesn't trust himself to find a middle ground without going to extremes that just end up causing feeding frenzies. More so, Stefan doesn't trust his heart to go after the woman he has wanted for more than a hundred years. He doesn't trust his friendship with me enough to understand that I'm neither as fragile nor as naïve as I once was. He doesn't trust that Caroline can see that she's just a replacement for Katherine, for me._

_I know Care notices it, she always notices things like that, and excluding that one time with her and Damon (and don't let me get into that because it only pisses me off more…). Anyway, she was always the first one who told me and Bonnie about who was using who, who liked who and every minute detail of relationships, so her not being aware of how Stefan is using her is impossible to believe. _

_After a lot of thinking I picked up the phone "Hi, Isobel, I want to talk to Katherine"_

_I am so tired of all the bullshit._

**Caroline's pov**

Dear Diary,

I know Stefan's using me.

The sad part is that I care for him too much for me to stop.

At first I thought I was on the rebound, but now I know I'm the replacement for the woman he clearly is too much of a coward to go after; the woman he wants. Knowing that I'm not even second best hurts like hell.

Third, that's what I am. Third best.

So of course I went to the place where I always go whenever something upsets me, and no, it's not the mall. I arrived at the Grill looking as fabulous as always, of course I didn't feel so awesome, but hey, I looked it!

I was sitting alone for what had to be like two minutes when this uber hottie strolls over trying to act all casual and sits next to me.

He smiles at me and it's like my face can't stay sad "Ello gorgeous, and how are you this lovely evening?" Fuck me, he's British… "Um hey. Okay I guess… Who are you?" And why is he staring at me like he wants to eat me?

"The name's Klaus darling and I don't believe you, tell me how you really feel." How can he know that?

"Well honestly, I feel like shit because the guy that I have been sort of seeing doesn't really like me. Even when he sleeps with me he won't look at me! I come in third…Third!" Words rush from my mouth as if I can't stop them; then again it's not the first time I've had verbal spewing issues…

"Third? You must be joking. A face like yours must rate higher than last place. Whom could you possibly be competing against that rates you third?" The disbelief in his voice honestly makes my day suck just a little less; it's so starkly honest I can't help it.

"Well it started when I stole my friend Elena's boyfriend Stefan and his brother caught us sleeping together and told her. Then, even though Elena dumped Stefan for his brother that same night, he kept sleeping with me. I thought it meant we were together but it turns out that he's really wishing I was this other woman who he's been in love with for practically forever who just happens to look like his ex-girlfriend Elena. So it turns out that Stefan's first ex is first, or so Elena says, and that makes Elena second, which puts me smack dab in loserville as last in third place. Stefan won't even look at me when we make love, although I guess you can't really call it making love if he won't even look At me in the eye, not even ONCE!" Oops, I screamed that last part…

"So basically you took up with a man who had a girlfriend but was still hung-up on his first girlfriend but chose to sleep with you…for whatever reason?" I have to hand it to this guy; he's really great at un-complicating words.

"Well yes, I suppose, if you want to put it that way, but it makes me sound really cheap." I frown as I hear myself saying that, what must this guy think of me?

"Not really, it just means you made a mistake. Everyone does at some point or another if you live long enough. To be perfectly honest I find you to be enchanting, you're brash and unapologetic and I love it. In fact love, what would you say if I asked you to come home with me tonight? I'll show you a great time, and rest assured you would be number one all night long, and possibly well into the morning."

I stared at him like he was insane. Did he not get that I just got done being used and didn't want to do it again. This has always been a big problem for me; I let them use me because I always think that this one is special and that he cares for me and only me, and it's never the case.

"Um as flattered as I am, I'm going to have to say no thanks." He might not even wait till morning to regret being with me. Not again.

"No? What do you mean no?" He had this really cute look of shock on his face.

"I mean thanks, but no." I smile gently trying to break the seriousness of the moment. I don't like serious moments, not with strangers at least.

"No?" He must not hear that word a lot with his face, not to mention the silk that is his voice.

"No-pe" I smile wider, it feels really good to stand up for myself finally.

"Why?" I've only known this guy an hour and I get the feeling that he's really not used to the word "no"…

"Because I just realized that I respect myself just a little more than I thought I did." Crazy huh! I just turned down a hot guy.

"You're rather amazing you know?" He smiles at me. What guy smiles after getting turned down for sex?

"Um, thanks. I think" Confused face appears here.

I see his eyes dilate, and Diary, I was scared shitless. "Tell you what we're going to do, you are coming home with me and I will spend the entire night showing you how you deserve to be treated." Oh shit, he is a vampire too.

Logically I knew I was being compelled. The entire time it was happening I knew I didn't want to be there and for the first time since I was turned, I felt the same fear every woman does when she walks alone at night and hears footsteps behind her. Vampirism was supposed to have freed me from that fear and apparently someone hardcore lied to me on that one…

Anyway, that night was both the best and worst; it was the best because I now know what it's like to have someone treat me like I deserve to be treated; he held me all night long. Funny thing about compulsion, I knew I HAD to be there but somewhere along the way I stopped being scared and still felt like shaking; not because I was afraid of him, but because I was afraid of the emotions I felt because of him.

Insane right?

I mean, I shouldn't like being forced to go with someone and be there, but really, it wasn't that bad. Sure the initial thing was rather lame but after I had been at his place for about an hour the fear dropped off and I loved it.

He drove us to this great house outside of Mystic Falls and opened my door at vampire speed and led me by the hand inside his place. All I can say about his mansion is that it is epic, a work in progress to be sure, but nice. He started a fire in a fireplace that rivals the Salvatore's boarding house and ewww I can't believe I just mentioned anything Damon adjacent with the night I had.

He lead me to the couch and dropped down to his knees as he removed my heels massaging my feet and ankles as he went. He must have called ahead or something because there is champagne in the ice bucket and raspberries, yes Diary I said raspberries and not strawberries, but there was still a fondue dip. He fed me and we talked for hours, long past the food being eaten (mostly by me) and well into the next fire logs being placed in the ashes of the previous ones. A few more hours went by and I started yawning, it had been a long day to begin with, my fluctuating emotions only adding to the exhaustion.

So then he moved us into the bedroom and I felt for sure that this was the moment when he would be peeling my clothes off.

Well, God knows that by then I wanted it enough and I could tell that he knew. I would catch him out of the corner of my eye, his nose twitching, taking in my scent. He knew JUST how much I wanted him, yet he didn't try to take me, to press his advantage. He asked if I wanted to change for bed and I looked around, looking for God only knows what he wanted me to wear. I mean come on, vampire that can compel a vampire and knows I'm a huge slut…there's gotta be some kinky shit around here he's dying for me to try right? That's when he handed me a shirt, one that's huge on me and, I'm guessing his, judging by the smell of it.

Did I forget to mention that he smells REALLY good?

I moaned softly when I was behind the closed bathroom door, I'll admit it...

He looked me straight in the eye and said "Come to bed Caroline."

So you know, I followed like a good little girl and climbed into his massive bed beside him and tried to be as unassuming and not there as possible. This guy has blown my expectations out of the water and I honestly had no idea what to do with him. He whispers into my ear to turn over as he rises behind me when I comply. I can hear him behind me and feel the heat from him as he hovers just outside of the space that my body is occupying.

Klaus ran his hands over my body, breathing words into my ear that make the pounding inside me worse. "Vampires are tactile creatures love, they desire to touch, to be touched, crave it even. Do you feel it?"

"Yes" I moaned out as his hands rose to my stomach stroking it firmly allowing the material of his shirt to bunch up and show more of my body off; at least it would had he not been pressed so tightly against me that if I was human still I would have been almost crushed. This guy is at least 50 pounds bigger than I am and definitely taller.

That particular torture lasted for hours and he worked me up while whispering things into my ear. Turns out that Klaus is WAYYY older than I imagined, he said he's what's known as an Original, which means that he was one of the first vampires. The part that surprises me the most is that he likes me Diary, I mean, I was a ditzy blonde with a control freak habit before I was turned, but I suppose that vampirism changed that.

It did change it for me, brought out the best of my traits; unfortunately it didn't remove my control freak tendencies completely, too bad.

I fell asleep in the early hours of the morning wrapped in his shirt and pressed tightly against his front as he played with my hair.


	22. Chapter 23

Beta: T.J. Wise…

**Caroline POV**

"What do you mean Stefan?"

He stares me directly in the eye "I mean that ever since the night we spent together I've felt this connection with you. I want to see where it goes."

"Stefan, I'm flattered, really, but why now? Elena hates me for what we did that night, and I don't blame her. She would seriously freak the hell out and never mind her speaking to me EVER again if we did ANYTHING."

"Caroline, I can't say it happened instantly but the night that Damon caught us in bed together changed me and I don't want to go back to the way we were before. I won't go back to being in denial about my feelings for you."

"What feelings? We had just finished hunting together and had SEX, there isn't more meaning than that! It's not the first time I've had drunk sex, this time it's blood not alcohol!"

"Look Caroline, just think about it tonight. Sleep on it. You might feel different in the morning."

_UGHHH MEN! They bug the crap out of me! Last week Matt wouldn't even __look__ at me because he found out about vampires and was even more furious about the fact that I am one. Now Tyler has begun to show his interest in me. Then Stefan and I cheated on Elena and Matt. Now, my bestie won't even look at me and Stefan is convinced that a blood hook-up means that we're supposed to be together! How sad is that? _

_Stefan walked out with a grim look on his face. How can I believe that even though he was so in love with Elena his GIRLFRIEND just last week, now wants to be with me? This seriously happens all the time! Elena won't give the time of day to a guy so he comes after me and I end up having a fling with him or whatever and they leave me. Why even bother with it? I should go straight to sleeping with them and save the time spent in the middle for something better. Maybe I could take up a sport or convince my mom to finally let me have a dog. _

_Another knocking sound at the door so I go to answer it. Seeing Tyler staring at me is bizarre, the look on his face…_

"Caroline."

"Tyler." I say. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I know we've been dancing around this thing between us but I'm tired of this tip toeing around US and I decided to say "screw it" and come over to see you. I like you, a lot. So let's see where this goes."

_DAMNIT! Not helping with this. "So how would we do this?"_

"_Well I would ask you out on a date tonight, how's eight for you?"_

"We _could _go on a date tonight…" Caroline says rapidly trying to think of where this was leading.

"Yeah, like me and you, the grill, it could be fun, like old times." Trust a man to bring up a time when you were his dirty secret.

"Please Care, just give me a chance, we could be good."

I give up "Ok, one chance, but if you screw this up then I won't even look at you for like, a year."

"Deal." His smile makes me smile, I still feel unsure, but I cannot not be happy when my dear friend is.

Hours later at the grill, Stefan sees Caroline and Tyler sitting together talking over a meal. "Hey Caroline! What are you doing here?"

"Dude, she's here on a date, with ME." Tyler attempts a menacing glare, failing miserably.

"Oh" Stefan replies sympathetically. "It just looked a little awkward, I guess I just figured she needed a friend with a little more experience." He emphasizes.

Tyler Snorts at him "Yeah Grampa, a century of experience would be what she needs…for that ancient history paper that she's been writing."

"HEY!" Caroline scowls at the boys who at the moment are acting as mature as junior high kids fighting over who gets to give the pretty girl her paper back.

"You know what Caroline, I'm gonna bounce. I've got better things to do, I'll see you later." Caroline's face falls at this, maybe he hadn't changed _that_ much after all, she thinks.

"Sorry." Stefan cringes. "I didn't mean for that to come out like that."

"I get it Stefan, but there is no way that we could ever be together. You can't stomach human blood, but I've gotten the cravings under control, and I don't like animal blood. I'm not even sure if I like anyone enough to _go on _animal blood for them. Can you handle being around human blood if I'm drinking it and not freak out on me?" Her eyebrows rise in doubt.

"I know my control isn't great with blood still, but I feel this connection with you." He walks out and I can't help but think that the only thing that we share is vampirism and Elena hating us probably one forever, because we screwed up horribly.

Tyler is a good friend, but we have already done the whole hooking-up thing and that didn't feel great. I felt sleazy afterward and when I thought he would be there for me as a boyfriend, it turned out that he just wanted a hook-up when drunk. He wouldn't even talk to me in front of the other jocks at school last year.

Stefan is very accepting, and almost like my vampire mentor, but he isn't so accepting when it comes to himself. Any guy who gluts himself on human blood without being able to stop has bigger issues than he's letting onto and I'm not sure I want to stick around for them in the way that Elena did. He's great and all, but is he worth it?

What would our future be? We might have forever, but that doesn't mean that we could or even would spend it together, that he would be enough for me forever.

With Tyler, I grew up with him. We shared that awkward phase in the pre-teens and then the teens. He is smart and funny, popular and for the pre-vampire me that was enough. Hell I can admit that's ALL I wanted. New Caroline isn't satisfied with that. Old me wanted to be fought over, to be won like some fairytale princess through actions and romantic moments. New me wants strength determination and, yeah, maybe even a little ferocity.

Stefan can't control his blood lust. Tyler can't control his temper. Why do I feel like my options leave a lot to be desired?

Stefan or Tyler.

Or Neither.

**Elena**

I have no respect for people like Caroline who have to be sexually attractive to others in order to be okay, I don't think that she has gone longer than a week without a boyfriend or crush of some kind.

The Grill was packed as was common for a Friday night, even the bar was standing room only. Friends were sharing any available seating in order to get a glance at Mystic Fall's latest commodity. A man named Nicklaus or Klaus for short, as he says he prefers.

After all, it wasn't every day that a writer showed up, wanting to write about the sleepy little town that was a hotbed for mystical activities. Certainly not in the minds of the sleepy town's inhabitants.

Klaus, for the most part, was meeting the town avid curiosity and wanderlust with stoicism and hardened callousness for his surroundings, persona included. When you live for millennia, you tend to become bored with the same attitudes, even if there are different faces in the mix.

Klaus's true purpose for being in this sleepy town is much less benign, he is here for the sole purpose of causing a bit of mayhem, and he sees nothing wrong with that. He's been waiting for his new doppelgänger for more than five centuries, ever since the Katarina debacle. He could tell that all his waiting was coming to an abrupt end, soon. Although he was on a mission, it never hurt to find some small time distraction in the short term. His doppelgänger, after all, could surely wait until after he got this girl home, or what would be termed home for the moment.

She was the most fascinating thing that came into his sights in a while, albeit indirectly.

Imagine Klaus's surprise in finding that the lady whom had captured his attention with such strength was joined at her table by none other than his doppelgänger, whom he now knew was called Elena. Fortuitous, no need to track her down and waste any more time.

"I'm here." Elena said flatly, she had had several weeks to take the sting out of Caroline's latest betrayal of her trust "Talk."

The vampire girl and his doppelgänger sat at the table together, yet for all purposes miles apart, as their hands crossed on the table.

"So…" Caroline starts.

"So?" Elena replies.

"Again, I'm REALLY sorry. I never meant to hurt you or ruin your relationship." Caroline's eyes overfilled with tears and as they slid down her face she began to bit her lip in hopes of stymieing the flow before the flood began for good.

Klaus watched this play-by-play with avid fascination, wondering the back story for the first time in ages, as this level of raw emotion was much too powerful to be caused by a one-time event.

"It's not for Stefan and I being over that you need to apologize for Caroline. What I really mind is that AGAIN you put a boy in front of 'our' friendship, you always have."

She lowers her voice before continuing. "Since you've been turned you've matured a lot, but you can't stop wanting what others have and it's been destroying your relationships with guys and girls for years."

Tired of dealing with her friend his doppelgänger stood up and left the table.

Klaus deduced that this issue was several months if not years in the making. This was one of the downsides of having human relationships, or really any relationship, he thought. Fear was really a much better tool after everything was said and done.

Standing, as he watched Elena leave the grill, Klaus abruptly changed his plans, after all, his doppelgänger surely will hold, whereas the blonde beauty still in tears was clearly not ok.

It was quite strange that he actually cared, Klaus thought.

"Hello love, my name's Klaus."

"I saw you last night Klaus." She replies quietly.

"Yes, and now I want you to come with me and tell me everything you know about your friend Elena. You failed to mention you knew my doppelganger."


	23. Chapter 24

My beta is T.

Caroline's eyes dilated. She knew exactly what was happening but the reality of it was unreal to her. After all, hadn't it been vampire expert Damon Salvatore who had told her only months ago that she, as a vampire, couldn't be compelled?

And yet, here she was, walking, talking, her mind acting like it belonged to a zombie.

Caroline sat there for hours being grilled on everything about Elena's life. She never imagined that this would be something she'd be doing but hey, Caroline was sort of an expert on all things Elena.

"Are you sure you saw her grow up?" Klaus grilled, needing to know if it was somehow Katerina who was pretending to be this girl Elena. Nothing could interfere with the plan that he had waited so long for.

"I'm sure." Caroline spoke. "I've known her since age 3."

Klaus was absolutely certain that this was HIS doppelgänger. After waiting 500 years for her after the Katerina's failure, he was really very close. Yet, at the same time, Caroline herself was something of a Pandora's Box. She was so frank and unabashed about the way she spoke of this girl Elena, that it was obvious that she cared for his doppelgänger. Klaus knew it was not going to be particularly easy to maneuver around Caroline, even if he did it gently. Sad really, he thought she was quite lovely once you got past her abrupt and frank personality... Caroline really was a gem in the monotony of this town.

Klaus pulled the fog of compulsion away. "Will you go out on a date with me sweet Caroline?" He said in a way that left no room for refusal.

"Oh sure! And maybe after this date I could hand you Elena on a silver platter? Just because I screwed up once, okay twice and messed around with her boyfriend doesn't mean I don't love her!"

"Messed around?" Klaus asks bemused.

"Yeah, you know, fooled around with. I kissed Matt when he and Elena were together and a few weeks ago I slept with Stefan on accident."

"Accident?" Klaus asks puzzled and somewhat bemused. "Just how exactly does one accidentally sleep with someone?"

"Well, Stefan was teaching me how to hunt animals more efficiently, to hone my senses, and we got a little caught up in the bloodlust of the kill. That's all."

"This Stefan's last name wouldn't happen to be Salvatore would it?" Klaus has a sneaking suspicion his old drinking buddy was back home again, although the reason why was still something of a mystery. One more thing to figure out.

Klaus is mid contemplation when Caroline suddenly storms off. As he watches her walk out in a huff, he wonders what just happened, and how control of this situation was just reneged from him.


	24. Chapter 25 Preview

"Yeah, because there is no way that could come back to bite us in the ass." Damon screams at Caroline Forbes, not for the first time.

"What are the other options?" Elena replied.

"It's not a bad idea Damon, heck it could work! You didn't see how into me Klaus was." Caroline argued. This was not the first five minutes of this particular fight more like hour two.

To Caroline it was blatant that several things were true.

**Author's note: I have the next 4 chapters with my amazing beta T.J. Wise and I hope you like this teaser.**


	25. Chapter 26

T.J. Wise is by AWESOME beta.

_XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO_

_Dear Diary,_

_First, the babysitting job from hell, now, a fresh page out of the mundane manual, so I can't help but wonder if my life will ever be normal like it used to be. Yeah, well Diary, I'm over that entire concept… give me vampire insanity and a doppelganger any day of the week, this is just crazy…_

_Oh yeah…_

_So, there is this boy at school, his name is Mark, and in 8th grade he had a crush on me, or so Caroline said. Now he's second string on the football team, but you would think he's the star running back, what with the way he walks around acting like he is the founder of Mystic Falls. Which, by the way, he isn't! Trust me, I have that on good authority since my family was!_

_So Mark, this 2nd string punk, struts up to me and is all "Elena hey", thinking he is successfully charming the panties out of me like I'm one of his cheap cheerleading squad conquests. I've seen top quality swagger - my boyfriend is the very definition of it - and Mark's is not it. If I'd never met Damon Salvatore and seen his charismatic ways I might have been fooled, as it is I wanna puke. _

_As the scum bag approaches, I start to blink furiously as my brain tries to make sense of what my eyes are telling me. I have to scoot back to get out of the same air space, or more accurately get him out of MY space._

_"Hey" I say hoping to show him with my best impersonation of "ice bitch" that I was one step away from punching the cheesy smile out of his face._

_"Today is your lucky day my lucky lady," he pronounces and I want to gag "I have chosen you to be my date for the Friday dance!" Mark's grin looks painful if he held it for more than a second._

_I stutter "The one next Friday?" Even my rapid blinking isn't helping me. What world does this idiot live in? How can I think about a school dance when the very man that has fought for me against his own nature and better judgment hates me?!_

_"No silly! The one this Friday." He drawls thinking his charms are working one me. _

_I'm honestly feeling queasy. This lowlife little twerp asked me to a dance? Really? Shouldn't he be taking Kelly, aka his girlfriend? Maybe I got that wrong, but I thought she was his girlfriend. I look up into his smarmy eager face and tell myself to focus. I have been face to face with death and vampires; I will not be intimidated by a pimply teenager._

_I pull out my phone and glance at the screen "It's Thursday" I say lamely and blink. Does he NOT realize that this is a cardinal sin in girl code? _

_"Lucky you." He says smirking and puts his arm on the locker behind me, and I have to say that the back of a locker is not the most comfortable place to get trapped against._

_I forgot to mention that this ENTIRE time he's staring at the GIANT coffee stain on my white shirt. This is proof that I know better than wearing white, especially a shirt; the law of averages is not on my side. Have I not learned my lesson? Apparently not since obviously I have the white stained shirt on and now it is drawing Mark's unwanted attention._

_This is the moment that Stefan chooses to come over. His usual pinched expression on his face; he must be brooding again, and we know that ALWAYS goes well for him!_

_Turns out the reason that Stefan approached wasn't because he wanted to be a good guy (OK Diary, I was hoping for that a little… well OK a lot.) but because in my panic and distraction I forgot that the locker that is pressed into my spine quite possibly bruising the crap out of me is actually his. Gotta love the way the universe likes to fuck up with me._

_Crap._

_I feel like I'm on hidden camera. I see it now, "On today's episode of Punk'd, drama unfolds in a classic high school hallway against a suburban locker!". I hope they don't name it that, because, seriously, the title could be better since I don't always do my best work on the spot. Actually, I often find myself repeating conversations in my head hours and sometimes days later wishing that I had said something better. I believe the French call that "l'esprit de l'escalier"; yes, sometimes I pay attention to the curriculum, sue me!_

_So, back to my lame reality; Mark and I are having this lovely drama right in front of Stefan's locker. And, being that no one in Mystic Falls seems to carry a backpack anymore, is where my ex-boyfriend's books live - lucky me! But really, how badly does someone NEED books? Sure, he has classes and all that, but its history and he LIVED it for heaven's sake! He can't have forgotten it that easily! So pardon me if I want to have some privacy as I deal with the lowlife pressing me against this locker!_

_No such luck… The universe be dammed! The drama only escalated as, seconds later, Damon shows up holding a container of … is that food? Ooh I like food! Smells like Thai…drool._

_Damon struts up like ONLY he can and I can't help the stupid expression on my face. Despite our current issues, I love the hell out of him._

_"Hi sweetie!" Okay, has Damon ever called me sweetie before? Because if he has, I can't remember the event, so I'm blinking confused. Damon casually lifts Mark's arm from Stefan's locker, Mark winces a little, so I'm guessing it is not so casual an action after all. As damon frees me I sigh relieved, letting him pull me into his arms. As his face nears mine, I can smell his breath. He then moves his mouth past my lips to the shell of my ear "So guess who just texted me?" I stifle a moan, Damon knows that every time he whisper near my ear he has to carry me right after. Chagrin keeps me alert as my eyes search for the tattle tale that apparently texted my boyfriend. "Stefan" I whisper as my eyes land on my ex with a mixture of thankfulness and disapproval. That's so like Stefan, seeing me in danger and panicking in the dumbest way. Not only completely forgetting he could rescue me himself and then calling his slightly unhinged brother who is not shy about using his fangs and super human strength._

_Damon turns around predatorily, showing his most menacing glare to Mark who, by this time, is swallowing so rapidly that I'm surprised his Adam's apple isn't down in his stomach._

_"So punk, just because I can't be in school with the likes of you juvenile delinquents, it doesn't mean that I can't bring my woman lunch. Right Steffy?"_

_Stefan glares at him from a few feet away, I briefly wonder if he knows that this look makes him seem constipated. Yet another reason I'm glad to no longer be with the "good" brother. I swallow visibly and I know that Damon notices; he notices everything about me so it's not likely that he didn't notice me tense given his predator factor._

_I slide into his arms as he retreats his arm from the locker. Funny how the moment Damon got here I forgot all about the likely spinal injuries from this locker fiasco. I clutch tightly to him, not afraid to bruise him. No, this is raw need; I haven't held him for four whole days and nights. It's been hell and if my eyes are right his time away from me hasn't been that great either. I can see it in stress in his face and in the shadows under his eyes. They are pronounced, which he once told me only happened when he didn't eat often enough. I inhale his scent from just inside his leather jacket, so glad to be home that I didn't even notice Mark and Stefan leave. All that I saw, smelled or felt was Damon, and my world was back to being OK for a few seconds._

_"We need to talk Elena." Damon said breaking the spell. Now I understand how those words make men's dicks shrivel up… The thought of him mad at me was frightening, but the idea of him breaking up with me is infinitely worse. Bracing myself for the worst, I let him lead me out of the school and into his car. My hands meekly clasped themselves in my lap as I'm trying not to let the panic overflow inside of me._

_We arrive at the boarding house in record time and, because he doesn't reach for my hand, I hug myself trying not to fall apart. I'm positive he hates me now. At times I don't particularly like myself much, so I can't fault him for that._

_As we reach the parlor, I slide naturally into my favorite spot. It seems like I've sat here so much that I made a permanent dent in it. I take solace in the knowledge that, even after I'm banned from seeing Damon because he hates the selfish bitch I've become, this spot will still be here and maybe it will remind him of me._

_Thankfully, Damon seems to grow tired of the space and silence between us. He brings his hand up to my chin, raising it until I meet his eyes, trying to look away but never quite managing because it's him and I drown in his presence. "Elena, I don't know how to say this, but is it possible you're using me because Stefan isn't exactly reliable lately?_

_All I can do is blink as I try to comprehend how he came to that insane conclusion. He mistakes my silence for confirmation, stands up jerkily and begins to move away. I jolt up, obviously not as fast as him, but panic lends me speed as, in my haste, I grab onto any part of him to fix this. Why can't I be poised in these moments? I have snot coming out of my nose and my eyes are leaking and I must look insane from lack of sleep in of itself…_

_"Damon, it's not like that I swear!" my eyes are wide and his eyes dilate in response to my words and desperate actions. "I love you Damon. Not because you were there when Stefan happened to show the world just how decisively weak he is! I love you because you loved me so much that you gave me up to be with someone you thought I loved! Someone you thought I deserved and that would make me happy. That's why I love you."_

_I take a deep breath, my heart is hammering on my chest but I am not done yet. "Love isn't selfish when it's true. It means loving someone more than yourself and being so sure in your love for them that you would rather they be happy in the life that they want to have then less happy with you."_

_The tears in my eyes finally dry as I take another shuddering breath. "When everything seems too much to take, you hold my hand and we come up with a plan TOGETHER. Stefan thought he had to shelter me from everything. He was selfish enough to see someone in a package he wanted and pursued me just because I look like Katherine. It was never about accepting who I really am. It was about how he wanted me to be and it showed in everything he did, the way that he treated me, the things he said and even how he stood next to me."_

_"You sound very sure." Damon states in a tone that I can't even begin to describe Diary._

_"I am." I say conviction bleeding through my words._

_"OK" He says._

_Relief floods me "OK?" I ask too stunned to analyze the look on his face combined with the one syllable word._

_Damon shrugs._

_"I was worried that when you were blowing off steam that you could have been rebounding from his dumb ass infidelity and using me because I'm "reliable"."_

_I grin, acknowledging that "reliable", is a character traits that no one could see in him before me. I see the good as well as the bad and I know he has so much good in him, and the potential for so much more. That he recognizes what I see in him warms my heart._

_"Is that why you stayed away from me for half of this week?" I ask not caring that I sound sullen even to me._

_"I needed time to clear my head and work some things out." He states and I wonder if this is his way to apologize "We both know my track record when it comes to working through emotions. I was angry and hurt and when that happens there tends to be a body count attached to it." He looks up almost shyly "Or at least it did before being with you." His sentence trails off gently at the end, letting the chasm of things unsaid remain between us. "Let's go to bed." He says and my traitorous heart does a somersault "I need to hold you again"_

_"Okay." I reply, as we make our way upstairs, not caring in the least that it's only about four in the afternoon. I haven't slept well without him in my bed, its funny how you get used to someone lying beside you at night. I never used to be comfortable with sleeping next to someone, with Stefan it always seemed comforting but obligatory, with Damon I feel this need to be close to him and the closer I am the closer I desire to be. I could never be too close to My Dark Prince._


	26. Chapter 27

**Beta: T. …who is not an interior decorator, for those moments when you're thinking… "Gee she has great writing, it must be the beta, and my I really need to redecorate." Sad to say, don't call her. Then again if it comes down to her decorating your place or me, pick her…..**

Klaus sat in the booth for almost a full five minutes before realizing that a newly made vampire just stunned him so completely that he was both speechless and frozen on the spot.

"Well, this just won't do." He berated himself as he stood up and paid for his tab. He then promptly compelled the first person he saw into giving him the vampire in question, Miss Forbes, address and full name.

After a quick detour to a florist on the way (and the acquisition of one bear of the teddy variety) he arrived at the Forbes residence and rang the doorbell.

Less than a moment later he saw the curtains in front of the door move and a stunning pair of eyes graced his line of sight.

Smiling just a bit, he held up the bear so she could see it. His smile fell when the lady, not only refused to open the door, but, unless his ears deceived him, went back into the house pointedly ignoring his efforts at graciously winning her affections.

"I can't say this has ever happened to me before." Klaus stated puzzled and immensely glad that Caroline didn't have immediate neighbors to witness his downfall.

He made his way to the side of her house where her scent was more tantalizing and called to her. "Open up your window sweet Caroline, I have something to say to you." He crooned to her through the closed window.

"Well that's just too bad." She spits. "Since the last time I checked my mom doesn't let me speak to rude men who force themselves on other people."  
>"Still on that Love?" Klaus deflected "I was hoping you had forgotten about that one. "<p>

Caroline snorts derisively. "Why, _Love_? Did you forget to compel me to FORGET that part too?"

"I'm sensing you are misjudging my character in your angry haste." Funny how, even after being around for 1000 years, Klaus still had no idea how to deal with women without using brute force or vampire tricks.

That was crystal clear to Caroline.

"Look, you want to know more about Elena than her boyfriend does. I get that, but there is no way that you are interested in romantically. And since she looks like a double of the queen bitch that turned me, I'm guessing that you want to hurt my friend. So go away!"

"Katherine turned you? I knew she had been back to Mystic Falls recently, but I hadn't been informed that anyone had been turned." He replied sounding taken aback and that caught Caroline's attention.

She came to the window and opened it, grabbing a chair and sitting in it to chat with him. "I was in a car when the driver crashed into a tree. I was bleeding into my brain when Damon gave me some blood because Elena asked him to. I woke up to Katherine smothering me with a pillow... I was confused because she looked like Elena. When I woke up, I was a vampire… Instinctively I grabbed the first blood bag I could find, it happened to be attached to my arm, I turned. That was a few months ago."

Klaus listened with rapt attention in stunned silence, able to see the pain, yet unable to help ease it for her. He wanted to; dearly.

This girl was different, he could tell. The situation was certainly not typical. If an onlooker came upon them they would see an emotionally fragile young woman on the cusp of womanhood and a charismatic man who appeared to be in his thirty's, yet had never learned to take disappointment well.

Klaus was used to getting things his way in most cases.

Surely they were not meant to be.

-SOME TIME LATER-

"I hate how you use people so easily, like they mean nothing to you." Caroline's voice broke at the end from pain. "Like they mean nothing to you."

"They don't mean a thing, you're absolutely right. They are tools to be used and discarded when no longer useful."

"See that's what I mean!" Caroline screams. "I choose not to treat anyone like that! I've been used by guys before. I LET them use me and I thought that it was okay. After being used as an object for long enough you start to feel like nothing. Like your worth is lessened because someone else thinks you are worth less and so you believe that too. No one that is mentally healthy likes to be used."

Klaus sits in silence letting her words wash over him. After so long, habits were notoriously hard to break, but the pain he saw in her eyes, the heartache in her voice, made him want to try. By all accounts, it shouldn't matter, but to Klaus, what and how Caroline felt mattered. She tugged at the heartstrings of his dead heart in a way he wanted to resent, but couldn't.

"That's why I won't let you in." Caroline stood firm. "Because I was once one of those people that were used carelessly and treated as a mere convenience. I won't allow myself to be that person again. When I woke up as a vampire, being wanted and being used, suddenly, wasn't all that important to me. Nothing mattered like it used to."

"That feeling that you are describing, I remember it still." Klaus reminisces.

"It was terrifying and freeing at the same time. I realized that you have to know yourself and have that truth in yourself, to have the respect for yourself. My morals weren't firm, and it took time to learn where I stood on many things between the old me and the new me. What I was willing to do and for what reasons…"

"I can see that you care about doing what you feel is the right thing because you were treated poorly as a human." Klaus murmured.

"Yes." She replied.

"Your choice matters to you because you once let your choice be taken away from you… Yet here I come into your life forcing you to betray Elena. Removing your possibility to choose, and then I try forcing myself into your home. This explains why you dislike me. If I were in your place I would hate me." His unwavering gaze stays on her as he makes his own form of apology. "Tell me this little one, if you had the opportunity for limitless power would you let someone interfere with your heart to the point where you don't realize that dream?"

"I can't answer that." Caroline starts. "I'm not you Klaus, I haven't lived for as long as you have. I haven't ever been truly alone like you. You want me to put myself where you are coming from but I can't do that. The person you want to hurt in order to gain this power is one of my best friends. She's the one I played with since we were still in diapers. She's not a faceless, nameless stranger to me, I love her…"

"She's one of my dearest friends, my Elena. This one time, in first grade, I was being teased because my dad had just left my mom since he couldn't deny being gay anymore. I was bawling my eyes out and Elena, who had always been this sweet and a little shy girl, went and stood between us, punched the dude in the face and threw him in the sand box." Caroline smiled at the memory "Another time, this boy named Timmy, made her laugh so hard she peed her pants. It took me 30 minutes to get her out of the stall in the girl's bathroom. I had to give up my cute tights for her so that no one would know that she wet herself, I was a fashion lover even then, I always had backup outfits…drove my Mom crazy. So she is one of my BEST friends and that loyalty isn't bought or sold Klaus. She earned it. My Dad left my Mom when I was seven because he was gay, to this day it is one of the biggest scandals that has happened to Mystic Falls since the 1864 vampire thing. Bonnie and Elena were my only real friends when it happened. It wasn't until Junior High until I became popular again! They were the only ones that didn't give in and ignore me when I needed them the most. I used to be weak, they stood by me and supported me until I was stronger. I wouldn't respect myself if I didn't stand up for Elena. I already slept with Stefan, and it's one of my more shameful moments because I didn't want to hurt my best friend… I love her."

"I can respect that about you, even as that annoys me." Klaus smiles. "I like you Caroline. I like you in a way that I haven't felt in ages. I admire your strength, courage and your principles. All the things I know about you draw me to you, but at the same time, I have wanted this power for longer than you can imagine and I am VERY close to getting what I have wanted for so long."

Caroline nods. "I get it, but what would you do with that power? Will it make you happy?"

"How could I NOT be happy once I realize by birthright?" Klaus asks stunned.

"Being a vampire gives me power, getting free drinks at the grill and not being carded at out of town dance clubs makes me happy. Feeding from scum who want to rape me thinking I'm a weak girl makes me feel good, but my friends and family, the one's I love, if they aren't happy then I'm not as happy. So I guess what I'm asking, is how will more power make you happy?"

"I can't say that I've ever thought of it in those terms. I would be truly invincible. Is that not reason enough to want it?"

"Your freaking powerful enough to compel a vampire. I'm gonna guess you're pretty invincible already. Does being practically unstoppable make you happy?"

"Well I suppose it comes in handy at times, but no, it won't necessarily guarantee happiness." Klaus reflects. "I don't remember the last time I was happy. Well that's not true, I was happy earlier when you started talking about yourself as I was requesting Miss Gilbert's life history."

"You compelled me Klaus, that's not true happiness. Plus, that's rape, it may not be my body, but it's an invasion all the same." Caroline spit out, her face tense and her words intending to cut.

Caroline begins. "So, you like me, a lot, possibly more than any you've liked anyone in a long time. But if I let you in, you'd still hurt Elena in the end and if you hurt Elena I would never forgive you or myself. Sure you could compel me, but it's not real when you have to compel someone. I think that would bother you eventually. So, if you want me, if you truly want a shot at being with me, then you can't hurt ever Elena. I could never be with someone who hurts someone I love."

"I know Love. You've given me some things to think about." Klaus sighs. "I now understand better how you feel. How about I come over tomorrow? Would that be acceptable?"

"I can meet you at the park. Say 1ish?" Caroline counters.

"You won't let me in your home, why?" Klaus asks.

"Because that would mean you're welcome, and you're not welcome in my home where I sleep, where my Mom sleeps so long as you want to hurt someone I consider family.

"Of all the acts I've done, the horrible deeds, murder included, you exclude me because I want to hurt the doppelganger?" He asks taken aback.

"I'm strange like that, I know. I don't judge people on who they were, or the things they've done in their life. I base my relationships on who they are now as a person, whether you're a hundred fifty or a thousand five hundred. No one hurts the people I love and gets away with it. Not even you Klaus. Really frick'n old vampire or not, no one hurts the one's I love."

"Original." Klaus adds.

"What?"

"I said I am the original vampire. Not just 'frick'n old'" He smiles as he says it.

"Well then, kicking your ass if you try hurting Elena might be a little more challenging." Caroline says bravely.

Klaus's eyes become dark with heat, her defiance arousing him.

"You surprise me. " Caroline says.

"Why?" Klaus asks.

"Because everything I know about you leads me to believe that you really like getting your way, and are used to it."

"That would be because I'm in the habit of getting everything I desire, when I want it and how I want it. To be honest, it is a centuries old habit. You'll find that, after a few decades, you tend to get into a dirge habit wise and it becomes bloody murder, pardon my phrasing, to break them."

"I can bet. I wake up every morning vampire perfect, and I still wear makeup and check the mirror no less than 6 times before leaving. Habits are a bitch to break. And vampires can have OCD, I'm proof." She begins to giggle at herself.

Klaus stares at her thoughtfully, never sharing his thoughts but the expressions passing on his face tell a story of desire, passion and raw want.

"So let me ask you this, sweet Caroline, why do you reject my advances? I know you find me handsome."

"Cocky much?" She quips "If looks were all, you would win hands down." She smiles.

"But looks are not all, I take?" He asks.

"No." She says. "The old me sure, but that's not me anymore, so it's not enough to be devilishly handsome. "

"When did you change? When you become a vampire, very few character parts change in you. One's true self remains the same."

"Most people I've met who turned into vampires seem to change for the worse. They turn more selfish and become reckless, is like their flaws as humans become accentuated. For me, it was almost like finding my true self. I know who I am, I always have. I just didn't have the courage to BE me. So I hid behind the blond stereotype and pretended I was clueless. I was a cheerleader, no one expected me to be smart, but I have an honor roll gpa. So clearly I'm not stupid. I know what you're after, I understand how tempting being invincible is to you. But I want to offer something you might like more than power in the end."

"What would that be love?" Klaus asks.

"ME."


	27. Chapter 28

**Ok here's the deal folks: My hard drive was erased. Completely OBLITERATED. This means that I have three chapters with me and about four more on paper to type then beta. Please be patient. Thanks to Karen for my review. T.J. Wise is my beta, and she's AWESOME.**

**Caroline**

I woke with as start, one of the wonders of being a vampire is you are never groggy no matter how little sleep you've gotten! I breathed in loudly as I took in my surroundings wary of waking up here, I remember last night EVERYTHING from last night and my, I'm a little slut-puppy when horny…

I shoot up out of bed, another wonder of vampirism and dart to what I can only assume are clothes for me because they are the only clothes anything that's not on me now.

I slip the shirt on a golden shimmery shirt dropping just below my navel and black shorts, my favorite length with oddly enough beads to accessorize, it's cute. I suppose when you have lived for a millennia you have really good taste in stuff. Yet his people skills are abysmal…Who compels someone because they are lonely?

I head to the door, fully intent on sneaking away and home, hey if he's not here when I wake up its universal guy code for 'please leave… now would be good'

Unfortunately there's this guy shaped thing I bump into, and it's his back?

"Ah ah love, back in the room, its breakfast time."

I perk right up at that one "Breakfast?"

He backs me onto the bed placing the breakfast tray on my lap as he smiles at my pout. This is by far the best one night stand I've ever had and we didn't even get to second base.

As I eat by gourmet mushroom and green pepper with jack cheese omelet I think about him in comparison to the morons and losers that I usually spend my time with and can't help but notice that they fail miserable, clearly it's time to up my standards.

"I brought blood for you, I know how the thirst is when you're still new to this life." His face goes super serious.

"Thanks" I said, I tried not to sound too surprised, but I really am; that he remembers back that far impresses me. "Can vampires remember things that far back clearly" I almost stumble on the last words, do vampires get offended when age is mentioned?

"Of course love, that's not to say that moments don't get a tag glossed over when repeated several hundred or even thousand times, but as for memory, sharp as a tack." He says while producing a huge bouquet of daisies. I told him it was my favorite flower last night.

"So I have to ask you then, what makes a thousand year old vampire come to this nothing town?" Why haven't I asked this before?

"Well truth be told I was searching for the missing piece I've been waiting for over five hundred years for, but I believe I found something better." How do these conversations happen to me?

"Who were you looking for, this missing piece? I get the feeling it's a person not a thing." MY face scrunches up in alarm, I have a very bad feeling about this.

"Well this piece is a she and she is, or was my doppelganger that I have waited for since Katerina Petrova gave me the slip in the 500's , but from what I gathered this doppelganger is named Elena, who happens to be your friend. So you see we have a bit of a problem, I've waited a thousand years to find someone just like you, and I suspect you're not likely to allow me to court you if I kill your friend like I would need to for the plan."

I raise my eyebrow at him like I've seen Damon do one too many times. "Got that right!" I just about yelled at him…what was he thinking seduce me and what?

"You see I came to town to pick her up but found myself bored and wanted company, instead I found you."

"ME?" I squeaked out, clearly vampires can still get nervous. Being two weeks old is really ridiculous.

"You, and the one thing that could have changed my mind from Elena's destruction. Love."

I rapid blink, trying to process this, no one loves me. Not my dad, not Stefan, not the other random hookups, not even Matt.

"Umm love, I don't mean to be rude, but could you say something, anything. Even blokes my age like to hear something after declaring love for the first time." He looked jumpy, like he wanted to run even as he said it to me, it's such a guy thing really.

"I don't know what to say." I know I'm not worth stopping a plan just because someone likes… or loves me. It's never happened before, why should it now?

"Say you will allow me to court you, to call on you. To take you places and be seen with you, it may be sudden for you, but you enchant me, utterly and completely. Power doesn't compare when you could lose love; in your case before you find it for me. Doppelgangers will always be there, I suspect you will not be." He sighs " I'll leave you to eat and think, if you should need me I'll be in the drawing room." He bows to me and walk out closing the door almost silently behind him.

A guy loves me. A vampire loves me. A vampire MAN loves me.

Holly crap!

I have to tell Bonnie and Elena!


	28. Chapter 29

Damon was fuming mad. Mad in a way that otherwise would have resulted in a body count that made even him uncomfortable. Yet, here he was in the middle of the group that he calls 'The Scooby Gang' and arguing for the 'kill Klaus' plan that he thought would keep Elena the safest. Oh and keep him safe too, he almost forgot about that. Although, taking on an original vampire seems as safe as covering yourself with lighter fluid and going into a biker bar and pissing the bikers off. BAD. Much like the 'he just wants love 'plan Caroline Forbes (who he suspects is certifiably insane) had proposed.

Caroline had messaged everyone all of five minutes before with a 911 text message. Such a message, coming from Caroline, usually meant that her wardrobe was lacking something mundane and she needed to go shopping. Sadly, today this was not the case.

It was just shy of noon, and the sky was a clear and welcoming sight- so long as you have a daylight ring that is. Damon wasn't feeling it today; call it ennui or someone trying to murder the woman who finally had agreed to be with him, but this shit got older than teenage pregnancy scares and he was fed up with the whole thing.

"Seriously guy's, you didn't see Klaus. We talked for hours and he has as much real desire to kill Elena as Elena had for getting mani/pedi's after her parents deaths." Caroline pointed out.

"Gee, thanks Caroline." Elena said rolling her eyes. "I don't know how you are comparing keeping me alive to not feeling like having pretty toes, but, DAMNIT STEFAN! Stop nodding your fucking head!"

During this conversation Stefan had been bobbing his head repeatedly, remembering the time just after Elena's parents accident. Back then, the unkempt air of someone who is grieving was clearly obvious when you looked at her.

"The real question" Elena begins, "Is how we can get him to stop wanting to kill me EVER."

"Well Elena, it's not that he WANTS to kill you. It's just that he NEEDS you dead to make him this all powerful thing that he's been wanting for like a really long time now."

Elena glared at Caroline. Who cared about Klaus' needs or about semantics for that matter? Whether he wanted or needed to kill her was irrelevant, her dying was not an option. Damon was the biggest supporter of the "Elena not dying plan".

"We can always kill him?" Damon suggested, noticing Elena's stare burn holes on Barbie. It was not the first time he mentioned this. In fact, that was his main point in many a conversation.

Stefan shook his head. "That might not work, hope is nice and all, but I know Klaus, we created one massive bloodbath out of the 1920's and he doesn't stop until he gets what he wants. He didn't balk at daggering his sister Rebecca when she got in the way. Anything is on the table for him. He loves chaos, and so long as it's him causing the chaos, he thinks of it as civilized fun. It's a sport to him, nothing more than a game. Human lives and vampire players, with an added witch or werewolf thrown in to spice things up, make things interesting when the act of murdering becomes monotonous. "

"This bundle of good news brought to you by the sponsors of Broody Hair Gel: with broody, you always stay on top." Damon mutters. "Gee whiz Stefan, can you be less of a downer sometimes? I get that you're not getting any, and believe me, I sympathize, but lay off being the uber-boor."

"DAMON, do you really need to tell people things like that!" Elena switches her fury onto Damon. "Caroline is only trying to help and if Stefan can't contribute anything more than history, than that's fine. It's helpful at least."

"So what Elena, I'm not helpful? Is that what you're trying to say?" he glared at her with contempt.

Elena walks over to Damon and puts her hand on his arm. "I am saying I know you want to protect me, but let them help also, there isn't only one right way. Let's talk about the options and see what we can come up with. Okay?"

Damon takes a deep breath. "Okay."

The three vampires turned their heads respectively as at once the doorbell rang out in the mansion. Damon's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Well well, look what the cat dragged in." Damon's hatred toward the woman was palpable and hard to miss.

"It's okay Damon, I asked her here." Elena starts forward.


	29. Chapter 30

Shout out to the amazing and talented T.J. Wise, without her my punctuation would be scary.

Damon growls out "Please tell me you invited her to explore the burgeoning urge you have for the ever popular twin-love?"

Elena crosses her arms over her chest. "Yes Damon, as you know, I am always wanting to explore my burgeoning sexual urges with my great-great-great-great-great-grandmother who happens to be the reason you and Stefan NEVER get along. Perhaps after I can make you a drink and fetch your slippers?"

Damon's eyebrows rise at that one. "I knew I loved you for a reason."

Elena continues. "Or I called her here because Stefan needs help, and not you, I, nor Caroline is better equipped to deal with him and get him through this since you disposed of Lexi."

"So you think his-one-true-love over there will take care of him through blood rages and moody moments of which there are sure to be plenty?"

Katherine snaps "Let's all ignore Damon, he really does get moody when it's not all about him." Katherine sneers at her wayward spawn. "You really are more fun when you're not in love."

"You're really more fun when you're dead." Damon states smirking.

Caroline came to stand next to her sire.

"Yeah, staked and grey is a good look on you! " she fumed "Elena, why would you think of inviting the she-bitch who let the Salvatore brothers believe that she had been trapped in a tomb, for a hundred and fifty years?" Caroline's heeled toes begin to tap a staccato beat on the wooden floors in annoyance as she shared her anger between Katherine and Elena.

Elena didn't expect that and looked bewildered at both Damon and Caroline.

"Well Elena, I hope you have a plan, I hate to think that I've cut my Italian vacation short to be insulted by lack wits?"

"I do actually, have a plan that is." Elena smiles for the first time since waking up in the arms of her new vampire boyfriend. "Can I talk to you alone?" She directs her gaze to Katherine who seems less than surprised.

"Whoh there Nelly. Hold the phone. You, alone in a room with that she-beast, NOOOOOOO." Damon was clearly going to be the hardest sway in the group.

"It's not like I have anything she wants Damon!" Elena's face was scrunched in annoyance.

"That you know of." Damon adds darkly

**Elena**

_If Damon were just a little less stubborn- that would be epic. Seriously, I know he's much older, but sometimes I just want to strangle him. Somehow I'm not sure that this is what my mom was talking about when she mentioned grand passion. I get that Caroline's entire plan is based on her feminine wiles which to this point seem to consist of acting like a helpless moron and playing the damsel in need. So when she mentions going out on a limb with Klaus and giving him this 'option' as she calls it, I get chills. Not the good chills either. The 'oh crap I can't believe I did that chills and shit I hope we don't get caught'. Those chills. Not the 'oh this could work' kind. This could all go SERIOUSLY wrong, as in I will die seriously. I suspect whatever this magic ritual is that Klaus needs me for, isn't going to let me go without killing me in a way that leaves me able to be fixed in the first place. Is uncle John's ring able to save me from something like this? I doubt Damon is willing to take that chance. Hell I'm not eager to take that bet. I'd rather take a spring break road trip to Florida and hook up with a cabana boy than risk my life on a ring that might not work. _

"Fine Elena, if she follows a random whim and kills you I will be telling your corpse 'I told you so' until its cold."

"Noted, also creepy." Elena smirks.

"Vampire." Damon retorts an offers her his bloody wrist.

Elena raises an eyebrow.

"Insurance." He quips, making Katherine and Elena roll their eyes. Not wanting anymore time wasting drama, Elena takes his wrist to her mouth and drink diligently, trying her best not to feel Stefan's judging eyes.

"Better? She asks Damon.

"Much." He grins like a spoiled child.

Katherine walks further into the room just as Elena states.

"You're a good boyfriend Damon."

Katherine's voice is colored with amazement. "Boyfriend -Damon? Surely not?" She turns to Elena "Damon is your boyfriend? Not Stefan? Last I was here you were gaga over Stefan, what happened? Not to say I care of course, because I don't." Katherine managed to stop babbling and revert to the cool manner that had always irritated Elena, but this time she sensed something behind the ice - want.

Damon turns to face Katherine "Bunny-eater was humping baby-vamp and I walked in on that. I am still disgusted."

Elena takes a deep breath. "Fine! Guess we are doing this in front of everyone. Stefan admitted to being with me only because he really wanted you. So, after he was caught with his pants down with Caroline a few months ago, I decided to follow my heart." She gives in to the urge and gives Damon a lazy- sloppy smile.

"As amusing as this story is, why do you think I care?" Katherine asks Elena.

"Because you still have feelings for Stefan." Elena boldly begins. "Otherwise you never would have threatened our lives when you knew Stefan and I were dating."

"Such a sharp little tack." Katherine mocks. "What must they be teaching you in high school these days?"

"Stefan has been into you since 1864. I think his feelings are why he can't control the bloodlust." Elena reasoned, ignoring Katherine's attempt to rile her up. "How do you get control over your feelings when the woman you love doesn't love you back or even care for you? Controlling the bloodlust comes second to controlling the want."

"Even if I wanted him still." She quickly glanced up Stefan' way "He wouldn't forgive me for lying to him for so long." Katherine's voice was unusually quiet, a harsh change from the confidence she normally displayed.

"Sure he will." Damon says. "He's happy to have you walk all over him. Really, he is."

"Shut up Damon!" Elena barked "That's where I think you're wrong Katherine. He likes you for who you are," Bothe Elena and Katherine turned to look at Stefan. The man stood there acting embarrassed, hands stuffed in his pocket and looking at Katherine longingly.

"If he didn't love you so much he never would have been with someone who looks just like you and yet is nothing like you in personality. If his love wasn't so deep, if he didn't love you still, you wouldn't be on his mind. He spent MONTHS with me pretending to himself that it was you instead." Elena said with passion, trying to drive her point home.

"Where's the proof? There isn't any point in pursuing this if it's not a sure thing." Katherine crossed her arms like a petulant child.

"The proof is Stefan himself. Look at him." Elena waved in his direction "Stefan has tried for more than a century to do something that is managed in a year or less by every other vampire. Take Caroline, she feeds from blood bags. She only really slipped about twice and killed a human. Stefan is expending so much mental thought in denying his feelings toward you that he can't do what every normal vampire can- that is not feed without rampaging. Hasn't anyone wondered? I know it's not normal. He can't manage control without it spiraling into excess. I think he spends so much of his energy controlling his feelings for you that he has no energy left for controlling his actions."

Katherine blinks in surprise, not wanting to admit that Elena's idea has merit. "You think he gluts like an uncontrolled fledgling because he is in love and it's too painful for him to admit since it's unattainable to him?"

Stefan shifted nervously in the corner of the room, something that looked a lot like hope dangerously close to his heart.

"Exactly." Elena says.

"How can it be fixed?" Katherine asks still eying him carefully.

Catching on Damon replies. "Well I recommend grabbing him, speeding off to his room and rocking his world. Although, I ask you to give us a five minute warning. I need time to pack and all."

"You seriously think fucking his brains out will help him control himself?" Katherine's disbelief was clear.

"No." Elena said. "That's just a bonus. Proving to him that you are in love with him and staying with him, helping him hunt- so he doesn't, hurt emotionally after each hunt will."

"I'll do it." Katherine says. "Oh, and Damon?"

"What?" Damon asks.

"Consider this your five minute warning." Damon eye bulged.

"You mean it?" Stefan spoke for the first time, his voice cracking.

"Yes." Katherine gave him s sly smile that he returned.

"Shit." Damon says with feeling and he speeds off.

"Good luck Katherine." Elena smiles.

"Something tells me I'll need it with the youngest Salvatore." Katherine smirks.

"Ready?" Damon asks Elena, bag in hand.

"Where's my diary?" Asks Elena.

"In the bag." Damon replies. "Lets go."

Elena walks out of the house to the sound of Katherine's laughter.

"Strangest group of people ever." The older vampire remarks. "Now Stefan, shall we talk?"

Her purr was the last thing Elena heard before Damon turned on the engine and, with Caroline right behind him, they left the area.


	30. Chapter 31

**An:To set the record straight- Abuse is not okay. It is NEVER justified, or explainable. There are many types of abuse, physical, emotional, verbal. Abuse in any and all forms, is wrong. When I write this fantasy of characters they say or do things at times that is neither legal nor ethical. If at any time someone is abusing you or you suspect abuse, there are ways to get help. Recovery is possible and for you to be happy, it is necessary. Do not stand for someone treating you like less than the amazing wonderful person you are. EVER. Walk away. Call a friend or family member. Get help. Google. Find help, because help is always there when it's asked for and needed. **

Caroline knew she was dreaming.

For the past week Klaus had been invading her dreams and sending her desire off the charts. Some nights the dreams were PG13 and they would sit by the fire as he told her stories from his centuries of adventures. Other nights, the dreams would be scorching as he would spend hours kissing and touching her.

It took her all of five minutes to figure out that Klaus could also invade other vampire's dreams.

No matter what she did she couldn't wake up from these almost annoying occurrences. In some ways, Klaus was a clingy boyfriend that she couldn't shake. In others, he was her closest male confidant. In one aspect it was nice, finally being able to share her life with a man who had yet to show that he found her in any way lacking. In other aspects it was almost hell. They were so oddly suited; him with endless patience and drive to have what he desired; her with an almost manic impatience and need to prove herself to the world. Determination wasn't the only thing they had in common.

It was strange really, how alike two persons millennia apart could be.

Caroline knew he was close to giving into her demands. She had stated that the only way that Klaus would have a shot in hell with her was if he swore to never hurt anyone she considered family or friend. So far he had agreed to a temporary truce, so long as she agreed to spend time with him.

It reeked of coercion.

She was drowning in his touch. After that first night that he kidnapped her and made her feel things no one else ever had, he hasn't touched her. Little did she know that it was his pride that kept him from coming to her. He realized early on that his usual game of compulsion and taking would not work if he wanted to truly possess her.

Klaus was not a man used to being denied his desires and everything in his life showed it; everything but Caroline. So it came as a real surprise to Caroline Forbes when early one morning she opened her front door to the wiggling yaps of a 9 week old puppy whose blonde fur and blue eyes matched hers perfectly.

She sighed with appreciation.

While she had had little success with living men, or even young men in general, her charms were apparently on par with snagging the attentions of an original vampire. Which was quite surprising really considering her usual luck.

Along with the puppy that she was currently trying to name was a 4x4 note on expensive card stock that said "Say yes."

The same morning across town, Elena Gilbert was unhappily woken up by a very crabby boyfriend. Said boyfriend was startled awake due to an annoying chocolate colored bundle of fur complete with basket and ribbon. Not to mention the cute little blanket. Though, Damon would never admit to that part. Along with Elena's apparently new puppy was a note that said "Sorry." On 4x4 expensive cardstock.

Later that day, Damon would be seen scouring the town for Mystic Fall's only pet store to find out if one chocolate and one blond puppy had indeed been purchased at a rather hefty price the day prior. The puppies were brother and sister. The purchaser paid cash and left a large tip for puppy accoutrements. After all, puppies weren't cheap.

Seeing his girlfriend's joy at her new puppy slobbering all over her face brought a smile to Damon's face. He also made a mental note not to kiss her until she had washed. There were some things even Damon Salvatore wouldn't do. This was definitely one of those things. His smile lasted until the puppy (who was now officially a girl dog) piddled all over his feet.

Damon now vividly recalled why he was not a dog owner. He hated dogs.

Growling was heard. It was Damon. Elena couldn't stop laughing.

Caroline knew what the puppy meant. Since she received a message on her phone five minutes ago she also knew Elena had received a puppy as well as an apology. After a quick inspection, Caroline found herself the proud owner of a baby boy dog. She still had no idea what she was going to name him.

Maybe Buddy? Scott? Not Scott, she had an ex-boyfriend named Scott. Wolfie. The puppy reminded her of Klaus, so she would call him Wolfie. Caroline had a feeling he would not be too happy about the name.

_**Caroline**_

_Dear Diary, _

_I KNEW he liked me that much! Damon didn't think he did, but Wolfie and Elena's puppy are proof of him changing for me. I can't believe someone cares that much for me. As much as Damon cares for Elena. As much as Romeo loves Juliet and Brad and Jenn, well pre-divorce at least. Klaus loves me, Caroline Forbes. I would start writing hearts around our names, but I don't know his last name. YET._

_I know this can work, it seems crazy, but no guy has a girl in his bed all night and pampers her unless he loves her._

_This could work!_ Or her name wasn't Caroline Beula Forbes. Unfortunately for her, it was.

Her middle name was really quite terrible. She blamed her mother entirely for that monstrosity. One should never name a child when on pain medicine. Ever!

**Elena**

_Dear Diary, _

_I woke up to my very first apology puppy._

_Apparently Caroline's take on Klaus isn't so crazy, who knew? Damon hates my puppy because she peed on him earlier, but how could you not love her, she's so beautiful. In fact, I named her Bella. Damon thinks I should name her Woof, or let him eat her. Neither of which is happening. Note to self- waking up boyfriend in morning without offer of sex is bad. That man makes anyone seem pleasant first thing in the morning. He has always seemed pleasant when we've woken up together. Then again the number of mornings he's woken me up by being in me is getting up there in numbers. Morning sex is amazing!_

_Sex with a real vampire is even better. I never knew how much Stefan held back until Damon slept with me for a few weeks. It's wild and passionate and I still ache when I remember it. It's perfect. _

_Other than that, one time when I had carpet burn for a few days, I wouldn't let him heal it. That was nice too._

_Damon will never admit it but I know he thinks that calling Katherine was a good idea. Stefan needs to be emotionally stable so he can find his own meaning of balance, and Katherine seems like a good fit for that job. _

_As much as they argue, Damon wants his brother to be happy, and they have been much better lately. Since Damon and I have been together, Damon's animosity has gone way down, just as my bitterness at the world has decreased. I'm not so angry anymore. I was furious for what Stefan did to me when I've found out that he used me as a Katherine replacement. _

_I was furious that I let him do those things to me in the first place. I knew he thought about Katherine instead of me. What else explained him calling her name when he was INSIDE me?_

_Second thought- that still pisses me the fuck off. Remind me to stick a red sock in his whites the next time I go to the boarding house. _

_Jerk._

We still have a day or two of the infamous 'what to do about Klaus' meeting. Not looking forward to that one bit. Being around Katherine is about as comforting as wearing that god-awful period costume at the founders day parade. How anyone LIVED through that period is beyond me. I thought that the town was stifling after my mom and dad died….nothing compared to how it must have been in 1860. See… silver lining.

I've decided what college I want into. Cambridge University. It's far, but not terribly far and Caroline already promised to follow me anywhere last year, and I know she's happy anywhere there's sun. What's' a little harsh winter between friends?

**Caroline- Later that night**

_Dear Diary, Elena three-way called me to tell me and Bonnie that she got accepted to Cambridge! Which works because I received early acceptance from there a few weeks ago, along with a few other options. I don't really have a first choice school. I never gave much thought to college after being turned. It seemed like a lesser priority._

_Now I'm wondering if it's not the next step? College could be a good chance to grow up a little more. It seems stupid that I'm eighteen and not really grown all the way yet. But in truth I'm not an adult yet, high school has sadly neglected to teach me about the real world. I got to wondering about that a few weeks ago when I was talking to Bonnie and I think college would be good for me, especially since turning. It's not like I won't have more chances to be able to go to college since I will look fabulous for the rest of my life._

_A part of me wants to ask Klaus if he would follow me to Cambridge University, I know it's a little far, but what's distance to someone like him?_

_What I'm really nervous about is whether or not he will wait for me. Granted he has been lavishing me with attention. I know there have been no other women. When I'm not at school he's either with me or texting. He still doesn't have an invite to my house, but since Wolfie needs to go for a walk when I'm at school Klaus grabs the leash off of the front porch and unlocks the door with the hide-a-key. He doesn't even complain about not having an invite still. He does however get a pouty face. He can just get over that. I will give him an invitation to my home after I'm sure he's not a danger to Elena or my family, or me for that matter._

_I'm blond, not stupid._

**This chapter made possible by my beta TJ Wise and having the strength inside me to say "enough" to my own abuser. You can be free.**


	31. Chapter 32

Klaus wakes from another dream with his sweet Caroline as he wonders just to what lengths he will need to go to secure her hand, or in order to win her heart.

Which certainty Klaus knew it would come down to an all or nothing battle. Caroline was not a woman who did anything by halves. He had seen the mating dance tens-of-thousands of times and he knew he wanted to pursue her as surely as breaking the curse set upon him a millennia ago. Times change priorities though and now Klaus only wanted one of those things.

Caroline as his. Forever.

Forever was a bit of a scary thought for Klaus. His family, like everyone else's, drove him absolutely bonkers. Unlike most families, they were literally at each other's throats on occasion. Which really just livened family dinners in his opinion, but it could be tiresome at time How would Caroline take to his less than stellar traits, including his tendency to run away from emotional problems through the extensive use of daggers?

He was quite sure she wouldn't approve. Some things, in his experience, were not forgiven with flowers or jewelry, or even puppies case in point.

He would have to change or lose her. Klaus really didn't mind change so much. Really it was much better than the alternative.

Klaus felt deep inside that his choice would be one that would shape the world. After all, it wasn't everyday an Original vampire gave up his dream for world supremacy for a lady's favor.

**Meeting – part two-hour 3**

"Is it so hard for you to believe someone might actually like me enough for that? Not everyone discards me like you did Damon." Caroline was once again shouting, and much to everyone's dismay the meeting had continued. Or rather, it was a new meeting, on the same topic; Klaus, to be specific, and whether or not he was worth of being trusted.

Caroline swore up and down that "yes", he could be trusted.

Alaric was sticking to his vampire hunter opinion 'the only good vampire was a dead one' which of course, conveniently, excluded Stefan and his favorite drinking buddy Damon.

Elena was coming around to the idea that Klaus was in love with Caroline. Who else buys two gorgeous puppy's, pays full price and doesn't ask for anything in return? If he really wanted to hurt her he had had plenty of opportunity. Especially since getting an invitation was frighteningly simple since Jeremy and Jenna both were without vervain in their systems.

"So why doesn't she offer him a taste?" Damon asks. "Draw him in a little more to show him what it could be like? Not all the way of course. Who buys the cow if you get the milk for free?"

"Possibly because that's PROSTITUTION Damon." Elena's reply was scathing, and her gaze reflected her severe irritation of him offering her childhood friend up like cattle for a taste.

"Why not?" Katherine replies. "It's the world's first profession."

"Well you should know." – Elena snapped unkindly.

"Hey, I'm NOT A PROSTITUTE!" Caroline screams. "Personally I'm loving how half of you are trying to offer me up as a concubine and the other half telling me I'm insane for even having thinking Klaus is any good in the first place. Go offer your bodies up to an impossibly strong original who can compel you to do anything he wants anytime he wants. I dare you." Caroline storms out of the boarding house running smack dab into the Original in question.

"Finally grow tired of people offering you up?" Klaus smiles at Caroline.

"Yes." She states. "I mean, I don't know what you're talking about." Caroline back steps.

"Sure you don't love, and you haven't been talking about offering me a deal for the better part of two hours."

"Just because you like to be sneaky doesn't mean you should listen to my private conversations with my friends." She snarls.

"See love, here's where you're going wrong. I'm already hooked. All you have to do is offer terms that aren't too terrible for me to go through with and I will happily agree. For instance agreeing to go out on a date with me tonight, or any night of your choosing would be a good start. Set the terms. I'll agree to nearly anything if it gets me you faster."

Caroline takes a deep breath from shock. "Anything?" She squeaks.

"I won't stay away. I won't kill myself or allow myself to be killed. I won't share you." Klaus boldly states.

"Share me with my friends?" Caroline asks confused.

"Share you with other men. In the romantic sense. You will be mine."

"Will you be mine?" She asks.

"That's how it works love. You're mine. I'm yours. Forever."

""That's a little cocky and sudden. I'm not sure what I'm doing next month, let alone next forever."

"That's the beauty of forever. You have quite a bit of time to decide what to do." Klaus chuckles at the look on Caroline's face.

"How about I find a way to use Elena in the ritual so that it does no permanent damage to her?" Klaus opens his negotiations.

"So you can lord your supreme power over me? No deal! You leave Elena alone! Don't threaten her, or her family, friends or anyone innocent. Ever again." Caroline's eyes lit up with fire and fury, not knowing that every time she got this way Klaus became impossibly turned on.

Caroline saw the look in Klaus's eyes. She knew what it meant.

Caroline moved closer, knowing Klaus could smell her arousal. She leaned into him and placed her mouth at his ear "Say yes." She whispered, barely audible even to Klaus's hearing. Klaus went still as the grave above the waist. Below the waist was twitching like mad, as it tended to do when hungry for the taste of flesh. Hers only.

"Yes." Klaus moaned, fangs out, body taut. "Anything." He pleaded.

"So how do you feel about moving with me to Cambridge next fall?" She asked.

That is how the blonde fledgling with OCD scored the most dangerous vampire on the planet.

**My beta is TJ Wise. Huge shout out to her. She's amazing. **


	32. Chapter 33

"What did he say?" Elena's face was lit up with a mix of apprehension and relief as Caroline walks back in to the infamous hour 3 of part 2 of the meeting from hell.

"Yeah" Damon asks. "Can I continue plotting to kill Klaus?"

"Don't you mean can't WE continue plotting to kill Klaus Damon?" Alaric crosses his arms in front of his chest menacingly. "Are we no longer a team suddenly?"

"Sorry dear, I forgot about you in my hasty plotting. Next time I'll be sure to include you. Remind me to buy you flowers to make it up to you." Damon promises, with an angelic look on his face.

Bonnie snorts, she had been keeping very quiet attempting to see Caroline's point of view, and having a bitch of a time at it. She really hated vampires, all vampires; well, except for Caroline of course.

Caroline was different, mostly anyway. She still wasn't okay with how Caroline fed, namely the fact that her diet consisted of preying of humans, even if it was in the bagged blood form. Since finding out that she was a witch, Bonnie had felt morality in her go up three notches. Things that she thought were wrong before, now could be fixed and justice could happen for all the unjust things of supernatural origin. In short, Bonnie found that she liked being this powerful.

What she didn't like was the feeling of alienation she now had with her friends, as if she was on the light side and her friends on the dark side. Caroline was a dark creature now, sweet Caroline who used to plan her Barbie's dream weddings obsessively to the point of memorizing them, was a blood thirsty creature. As for Elena, it seemed to Bonnie that her childhood friend was on a slippery slope to becoming a dark creature herself and very soon. Bonnie knew it was the next step since Damon was madly in love with Elena … So it was obvious even to Bonnie's eyes that it was a matter of time before Elena was lost as a friend.

**2 weeks later… December**

"So Queen of the Damned, how did seducing little brother go?" Damon inquires as soon as Katherine walks in the door to the Salvatore boarding house.

"You were so much more amusing when I was your Queen of the Damon." Katherine spits with a blank look on her face. She turns to Elena. "You know it's really annoying how Stefan feels like he has to stalk me. Every night this week I have gone to my condo (a modest 4500 sq. feet) and despite me making it clear he is welcome prefers to pretend he doesn't have my consent to watch me."

"These days we call that stalking, not dating. Stefie really prefers stalking. Brings back fond memories." Damon adds.

Katherine turns her attention back to Elena. "With Damon at least you will never be bored. Although, his taste in humor is a little lacking."

"Much like your boyfriend's penis size." Damon interjects.

"Damon, is it necessary to regularly act like a four years old around her?" Elena asks, seriously peeved by his constant antics around Katherine.

"Yes." Damon replies.

Elena rolls her eyes skyward. "Why me?" She asks no one in particular.

Katherine continues to ignore Damon. "Stefan's feeding has greatly improved." She says almost proudly. "Just yesterday, we went to the blood bank to solicit a donation of blood from the kind souls that work there, and he handled it much better than the last time. I think in a few weeks he should be to the point of compel and release like the rest of us." She finishes with a small smile. "His passions however are a great benefit to me, I love it when he's wild."

"Ewww." Elena says.

"Says the woman who was getting stalked by someone who ate bunnies up to two weeks ago. What does his diary say?" Damon asks.

"The usual, _I love her so much, what if it's all a game? How can I trust her not to leave me again?""_

"Same old, same old." Damon points out. "Why don't you just marry him so he can get the fuck over it? It's the same bullshit as a week ago, as four months ago, as five decades ago, that shit gets old."

Elena's eyes had been blinking rapidly for several seconds now. Katherine marrying Stefan was such a good idea, that she couldn't believe that it never occurred to her.

**April **

"Love, why are you packing?" Klaus says as he walks into Caroline's bedroom, observing warily the boxes she has stacked in various places around the room. She had final allowed him in after he swore to give up his world domination scheme. Although, that one took some more 'bargaining' on her part.

"I'm not packing." She says. "I am sorting through old clothes to give to charity for when we do move to Cambridge." A shy smile is on her face as she stares him from the corner of her eye. She didn't know how to bring up the subject of following her to college, so silence has been her main plan, until now at least.

"We don't need to arrive until late August I thought?" He replies.

"Well yeah," She said. "But I wasn't sure if you wanted to come." Her voice fills with anxiety.

Klaus chuckles. "If I come over to make cookies, all the while pretending that you made them from scratch because we both know you are terrible at baking. You can safely assume that I will follow you to Massachusetts for college my sweet Caroline." His voice has yet to change from his usual amused with her tone. She puts her arms around him in a giant hug as tears form in her eyes.

Fairytales are always talking about princes saving beautiful maidens and princesses. I think they have it wrong you see, I think you, my darling girl are the prince who rode in to save me. My princess charming if you will."

"For the record, I made edible cookies yesterday. Right?"

He lets out a sharp laugh. "Love, not even your dog would eat those cookies, burned beyond recognition they were."

"Hey, Wolfie has good taste!"

"Exactly why he wouldn't eat your cookies, the mangy curr."

"Hey! You're just mad that he ate your shoe last week." She defended.

"He chewed my 5000 dollar pair of shoes that were custom made and VERYhard to get." His voice showed the slow seething he was still quite prone to doing from time to time. Something didn't change.

"Yeah, and my mom wasn't too pleased with him for that. She wants him to stay outside, she's really nagging me about him. She thinks pets belong outside. One of the many reasons she won't let me have a pet."

"There's this thing vampires can do." Klaus says while leaning close to whisper in her ear. "It's called compulsion." He takes a step back and resumes a normal voice. "Nagging mothers beware."

Caroline hits him on the arm.

"Thank you Klaus." She smiles at him. He would do almost anything to make her smile at him for as long as they exist.

"Now on to more pleasant things; before we leave, I want to pay a little visit to the Salvatore laundry room. I've heard Miss Gilbert talking about the loveliest idea the other day with her beau. It seems if you drop a red sock into the white laundry it can turn the whole load pink. I however need a red sock my dear. May I please borrow one?" Klaus asks polite as always.

"What brought this on?" Caroline asks amused once again at the man who should be far too old for pranks and yet was in the middle of a prank war with the boys.

"Stefan has gotten a little big for his breaches; I thought it time to remind him of that. Also, since it was Elena's idea, no one will believe she didn't do it. I also have high hopes that he will drive Katherine up the wall with his whining about it.

"You're evil." Caroline states.

"Don't you forget it Miss Forbes."

For her it's bliss.

For him it's fate.

Stefan really does deserve it.

My beta is the me-renound TJ WISE.


	33. Eplogue

**Five months later…September**

**Elena**

_Dear Diary, _

_College is interesting. It's a whole new experience in the merits of mundane and crazy. No one is searching for a doppelganger, there has yet to be any werewolf attacks and, as for witches, well, aside from a local Wiccan club, I have yet to see any. Since no witches have walked up and introduced themselves to me, I assume it doesn't really matter. Isn't that great?_

_College comes with a new set of challenges. Like walking into the cafeteria the first day and managing to spill coffee all over the head of the biggest sororities on campus. Talk about social suicide. Thankfully Caroline, of all people, talked her down. That girl could have been used in WW2 to end fighting. _

_Things between Bonnie, Caroline and I are different as well. Over the summer the two of us finally admitted that Bonnie wasn't someone we wanted to know anymore. She has changed for the worse in my opinion. Her attitude is all 'vampires are evil' all the time. It's not fitting into my life, and I know Bonnie has said many things to Caroline this summer that really hurt._

_Bonnie chose to go off to college on the west coast, away from the drama and supernatural crap, or so she says. How a witch manages to get away from the supernatural is beyond me, but Klaus introduced her to a cousin of hers named Lucy and they hit it off pretty well. So she moved and that's the end of us as the three musketeers. _

_A part of me misses her sometimes, but a bigger part of me knows that sometimes things aren't perfect and things haven't been perfect for a while. _

_Caroline and I have forgiven each other. I forgave her for sleeping with Stefan and kissing Matt. She forgave me for the bitterness that I had for a long time about those incidents. Part of me knows that I forgave her because Damon would smack her around for even suggesting he cheat on me. Sometimes having a loyal boyfriend is the most amazing thing. _

_I guess my mom was right when she said that most of the time friendships don't last after high school. We have nothing in common other than a mutual frustration of being so different, that's nothing to base a friendship on._

_High school's funny like that. People that have virtually nothing in common are thrown together in a forced education setting and they cling to each other telling themselves they will be friends for life, when really they have no idea who they are or what they want from life. _

_Life's funny like that I guess._

_As for Caroline, our friendship is back to being rock solid. We don't need each other in the same way that we did in the past, Caroline and her mom and dad splitting, and me without a mom and dad. I still feel no remorse for not wanting to get to know Uncle John, he has never been, and will never be my father. Isobel, made bad choices and I think at times, judging from what Katherine says, she regretted not being able to be a mother. Sadly for her, that ship has sailed. I had a wonderful mother and father, we did everything together. They supported me just like parents should and the closeness I feel still with Jeremy will never stop._

_Speaking of Jeremy, he mailed in a few applications for colleges in different parts of the state and is going to pursue an arts degree for drawing. He seems happier than ever now that Jenna and Alaric are living together. He called me last week to tell me that he walked in on them from studying at the library. He now refuses to touch the kitchen table. _

_I was just happy he actually went to the library. He's finally turned his life around since Vicky and the drugs and Anabelle's death. He is also refusing to talk to Uncle John. I don't blame him at all. _

_I feel relieved that no one at Cambridge knows every detail about my parents' deaths. It gives me strength not having to see people's judging eyes on me all the time because I am the reason that my parents are dead. I didn't realize that I was still carrying such guilt about that until weeks into my first college semester and after a conversation with Damon._

_Speaking of which we have had several talks about the possibility of me becoming a vampire. I notice the difference in myself with Damon versus how I was with Stefan and it's a night a day difference. I gain strength every day because I am loved by a man who never loses faith in me. _

_It's amazing what I can do because I feel loved and accepted. _

_Damon doesn't mind Massachusetts. So long as he has a blood bank and me, he says he'll be fine. I think he misses Alaric as his drinking buddy. I know that he and Klaus go drinking together occasionally. _

_As for Klaus, he's not altogether bad. Aside from his being nearly older than dirt, he has a sense of humor that is funny, well, when not directed at you._

_Katherine however was the biggest shocker to me. Being with Stefan actually helps her have feelings for other people. And she gave him back control over his cravings. He is on a steady blood bag diet and is now very different from the man that saved me almost two years ago on Wickery Bridge. We don't really talk, our conversations are happily less than 200 words long. He's still the person who saved my life. Just as he's the same person who lied to me about his feelings for me. It evens things out but it is not the basis for a great friendship. _

_Katherine finally took my advice and came up with a compromise all on her own. She now has a ring that's the female version of Stefan's. She says it's really ugly and makes her feel like she's wearing someone's letterman's sweater, but I can tell she doesn't really mind terribly. Stefan had the darkest look of hunger in his eyes when he first saw her wearing it. We didn't see them for three days and Damon decided to take me on a road trip just to avoid being anywhere close to those two. Luckily for me, Jenna didn't mind since it was spring break. Par for the course, she told me as I was trying to get Damon away from my suitcase. Jenna said that I need to do the things young people do as part of a normal life. An hour later Jeremy, Damon and I were on our way to Florida for spring break. It's really good that Damon's blood heals, because I drank way too much that week. Klaus and Caroline met us there in Klaus's monster of a vehicle and, thankfully, his SUV can carry two very sizeable dogs. Another bonus was the huge Spanish villa Klaus rented for us all right on the beach._

_Bella and Wolfie are as adorable as ever, and Jeremy loves Bella. She sleeps with him anytime Damon wants me to himself, which is often. Bella has really helped Jeremy cope with the losses of the last year. I cried when I left her with him when I left for college, although Jenna wouldn't have minded since we have a yard. But I know Jeremy will appreciate having her company until he has to leave for college himself. I can always visit her on term holidays. _

_I had this feeling all throughout high school that college would change me. That it would change everything. That somehow college was the last chapter in the story of my life. Then I realized that stories have no endings in real life. They have beginnings, middles and all new chapters, but they never really end. Damon will always be there for me and when I feel I'm ready, I'll turn. If I want to marry him, I know he'll be there. Hell if I wanted to join a folk band and sing bluegrass all day and night he would still be there, but likely extremely drunk. _

_I still don't feel prepared for the real world, or have the faintest idea what I want to do with my life or what career I want to peruse. What I do have are the tools to figure those things out and the time to be able to weigh my decisions out carefully as I grow and discover more about myself._

_Come what may._

_**My Dark Prince.**_

Over, finished, complete. Pm me if you want a copy of it in full. TJ WISE (my beta) is happy it's over. Less correcting she says….


End file.
